Dad is homeless

qwerty2849949

Hey guys,

Story starts with my Dad being an alcoholic. Me, my Mum and my Dad all lived together until my Mum had enough. Whilst my dad was never violent he was vile with the mental abuse he gave to my mum. So one day recently my mum had enough understandably. She called the Police and got him arrested and now obviously isn't allowed back to the house. She really didn't think it through I suggested a few weeks before when this idea was brewing to give him a ultimatum but she didn't entertain this. 

This was about 5/6 days ago now. We thought that my dad would be able to find somewhere to stay however we've just learned he has been sleeping rough as no one would take him in. We are not sure where as of yet. He has a phone but it's switched off probably due to running out battery. 

Whilst I absolute detest my fathers actions I still want to help him. I know if I was in his position I'd want some help (I actually can't believe his brother and my brother haven't put him up at least for a few nights). From what I can tell he is going to be very vulnerable sleeping outside he won't be able to handle the cold and I fear he will become seriously ill very quickly and I'm not sure what his money situation is if he has money at all that is. I know he was my mums official carer as she is disabled and received benefits but I could probably guess he isn't eating and drinking well. 

It's actually eating me inside knowing I'm quite possibly the only one trying to help him right now but I just don't know what to do. The 1st night he wasn't allowed back I tried contacting his phone and was going to put him up in a B&B but I know this will end up costing me a fortune. 

I'm blabbing on a bit now again I don't know what to do. If any one has any suggestions please feel free to shoot them my way I'm all ears.

I've contact the New Forest District Council via email tonight to see if there is anything they can do but even if they can I still got to find him. 

RAS

Contact Streetlink as they have a national contract to cover rough sleepers. Ideally though they need his location.

Also check out Emmaus, though they only support a small number of people with alcohol and related problems. There will also be a list of organisations who offer free meals, as do Sikh temples, street food and clothing top ups, often tents and sleeping bags. 

If you do go looking for your dad, consider a package including a phone charger, rucsac, spare shoes and socks, wet and cold weather clothing he already owns. And maybe a prepaid gift card from a supermarket that you can top up, although he could use it to buy to buy alcohol.

elsien

So, going back a step, what is the situation with the property - is it owned is it rented and is your dad’s name on any tenancy because that’s going to affect him getting somewhere else?

What legal mechanism is preventing him from coming back? Has your mum taken out some sort of order or injunction against him?
Was he claiming benefits and does he have access to the account they were going into- did he take his bankcard with him for example? 

If you don’t know where he is, and there is very little you can do. And the bottom line is also that he has to want to help himself. He can go to the council for housing advice. The options for putting him up somewhere may be limited unless he has additional vulnerabilities such as medical needs.
you could find a list of the hostel, so if you can track him down, you have information to give him. Then the best help you can give him is around the practicalities, his finances et cetera which will need disentangling from those with your mum.

lisyloo

If it was my dad I'd be 

putting posts on facebook 
getting friends roped in to do phone calls, leafletting 
finding out where rough sleeper do and going to places he might have gone and asking around

If it's his house then he may be entitled to come back depending on what happened with the police.

qwerty2849949

It's a rented house under my Mums name. Legally he cannot come back as he would breaking his bail conditions I'm actually quite surprised he hasn't tried. I'm fairly sure he has his wallet with his cards. He was on benefits but not exactly sure what ones he was on and how often they pay.  

I tried streetlink last night and was a pain to use can't use special characters when reporting this include punctuation. However, I just successfully submitted a report just now and it worked. My Mum went for a interview today and notified them about his situation I'm not sure what they can do though. 

This actually sucks seems like I'm the only one trying to help. Thinking about just trying to find him and giving him my car (he is registered on the car) at least this way it will be a little better for him. 

elsien

What you still have to bear in mind that you can only help those who want to be helped. Do you know if he approached the other relatives for help or he just hasn’t asked anyone? As any number of reasons why people don’t, being ashamed, going into a spiral and unfortunately sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can start to do anything about it.

Does he have another way of contacting you other than coming to the house, if he wants to? 

Is he in touch with anyone else at all that you are aware of? 

Someone’s told you that he’s rough sleeping, so they must have seen him /spoken to him?
Be careful of giving him your car in case it gets towed away because of someone rough sleeping in it. I have seen that happen. It also has all sorts of implications for your insurance and however much you want to help your dad, you do have to think about and protect yourself as well.

qwerty2849949

Yes he went to his Brothers house which is quite far away probably a 30 min drive not sure how he got there probably via a train and he turned him away and then he must of come back and went to my Brothers house which is 2 mins around the corner from me and he turned him away. 

He doesn't have anyway of contacting me. His phone will be out of charge I've tried ringing it but straight to voice mail. He could use a pay phone if he has money but he would only know the home number off the top of his head. 

Someone approached him a couple of days ago and offered him a hot drink but he refused that's the only contact as far as I know that people have had with him. This was a couple of days ago and I've drove past the place a few times at night to see if I can see anything but nothing. 

Ah yeah you make a good point on the insurance part.   

Savvy_Sue

Also, the idea of allowing an alcoholic access to your car ... 

You've had some good advice. Are there any voluntary groups working in the area he's likely to be in? Or drop-in centres? I've googled homeless charities New Forest but you'd be able to narrow it down. They probably won't be able to tell you whether or not they've seen your dad (unless he says they can), but they probably would be able to pass on a message: qwerty is worried about you, this is her phone number (and tell him where he'd be able to charge / topup his phone). 

qwerty2849949

Right after I posted the above. I got a call from the local council saying he has been put in emergency accommodation. A massive relief, I can actually sleep well knowing he is fine and safe. I went and met him at the place he is staying at and took him a bag of clothes and things he needs. The bad thing is him being out in the cold for 3/4 nights has made his breathing terrible, Hopefully that is a temporary thing. I am going to be taking him to a local hospital tomorrow as he has an appointment. 

I'm not sure how true this is but he said he can stay at the place he is staying at for 2 weeks. I told him he needs to pro active in this situation and look to do what he can for his health and his situation. 

The police took his phone and kept it as evidence! Which I think is terrible by them. I'm sure they need it but at least give him a way of contacting people that he needs to. They still have it now but the council have giving him a temporary mobile.

Thanks for all that replied! 

I am so drained of energy right now and just happy I should be able to sleep well for tonight. 

Savvy_Sue

There may well be a limit on how long he can stay in emergency accommodation but there will be options: what they are will depend on his personal status, and availability. Some options may be 'dry', ie he would not be able to drink on-site, and probably not return inebriated either. I know here there is a hierarchy: there are some 'church hall' openings for those who can cope with 'dry' while they wait for a space in a hostel, and from the hostel there will be move-on options. All of those are by referral. Then there are more limited 'just turn up and we'll let you in if there's space' options. 

I do wish you well. It may be a rough ride ahead, but please make sure you don't make yourself responsible for your dad's well-being, because you are not. 

Ms_Chocaholic

Was he ever in HM Forces? If so SSAFA or RBL may be able to help.