Birthday dinner went wrong

Pollycat

maman said:

It's likely that the 3rd person is a bit strapped for cash. Probably in previous years, he'd have been able to do work on his house, book a holiday and go out for a meal but things are tighter now and restaurant meals have gone up considerably. 

I'd suggest that you discuss before the next birthday whether eating out together is still financially viable. Far better than having the uncomfortable conversation in the restaurant. 

But why not say that?
Instead of embarrassing the rest of the party by taking loudly about the cost of things.
And ending up paying 1/3 of the bill instead of half.

thedr

maman said:

It's likely that the 3rd person is a bit strapped for cash. Probably in previous years, he'd have been able to do work on his house, book a holiday and go out for a meal but things are tighter now and restaurant meals have gone up considerably. 

I'd suggest that you discuss before the next birthday whether eating out together is still financially viable. Far better than having the uncomfortable conversation in the restaurant. 

The person has subsequently posted many Instagram photos showing 2 or 3 trips to the bar in a week, usually with a big group of friends. Like I say, he’s booked a holiday a matter of 2 weeks or so after the birthday meal. There have also been cinema trips and trips to visit friends in other parts of the country. I don’t think he’s that strapped, if I’m totally honest. He’s mortgage free, no dependents, debt free. 

HampshireH

thedr said:

maman said:

It's likely that the 3rd person is a bit strapped for cash. Probably in previous years, he'd have been able to do work on his house, book a holiday and go out for a meal but things are tighter now and restaurant meals have gone up considerably. 

I'd suggest that you discuss before the next birthday whether eating out together is still financially viable. Far better than having the uncomfortable conversation in the restaurant. 

The person has subsequently posted many Instagram photos showing 2 or 3 trips to the bar in a week, usually with a big group of friends. Like I say, he’s booked a holiday a matter of 2 weeks or so after the birthday meal. There have also been cinema trips and trips to visit friends in other parts of the country. I don’t think he’s that strapped, if I’m totally honest. He’s mortgage free, no dependents, debt free. 

Just to note Instagram is not reality 

Big groups of people going to a bar often means "someone" is getting a round. That someone may not be your friend. He may be just having drinks bought for him. Yes someone would clock eventually but probably not for several pub trips until it became obvious.


Maybe you just don't do the dinner thing anymore. Perhaps he feels his money is better spent elsewhere

*Cherry*

Spending money elsewhere, lots of photos of him enjoying himself with other groups of people - It sounds to me as though he has moved on from this friendship group of 3 and resented spending that much for an event he didn't really want to attend.  Perhaps this tradition has run its course?

saajan_12

The other spending is irrelevant IMO - some people find it easier to say they can't afford rather than can't justify allocating that much money to a particular thing. Its no one else business IMO. 

The bit that does affect you is the bill at the actual dinner
- What was said between friend's general complaints about price and actually paying 1/3 each?
- Was the 1/2 tradition mentioned? Did you offer to pay some to mitigate the high price, or did friend suggest 1/3 instead?
- How did the bill compare to what it has been on previous birthdays and who chose the venue? 
- Who paid for the drinks on the earlier date - could friend think that was them treating you and wasn't needed again at the dinner?

If you offered at the time then I don't think you can really retract it now. However that could be the new tradition, whereby you pay 1/3 each? 

Malthusian

thedr said:

A short time later he tells me he’s booked a holiday “last minute” with friends. He’s also been spending quite a lot on doing up his new house. So he seems to have money. 

Pro financial tip: When you spend money you have less money, not more money. 
Sounds like a statement of the obvious but billions of Instagram hits say apparently it isn't.

I’m wondering if I should say something but then I’d appear mean. 

Your instincts are correct.

You only need to say anything when the next person's birthday rolls around to check (as others have said) that you're going fully Dutch again. I wouldn't be at all surprised if your birthday was the last of the "tradition".

Flugelhorn

I would definitely not be the one to start organising the next "do" - just wait to see if it happens

Gavin83

Who's birthday is next?

thedr

Gavin83 said:

Whose birthday is next?

It is person no 3, ie not me and not the guy who refused to pay. 

Interestingly I received a message from person 3 yesterday saying how odd it was that this guy had booked a holiday because he’d been claiming to be strapped for cash. 

Mojisola

thedr said:

Gavin83 said:

Whose birthday is next?

It is person no 3, ie not me and not the guy who refused to pay. 

Interestingly I received a message from person 3 yesterday saying how odd it was that this guy had booked a holiday because he’d been claiming to be strapped for cash. 

Perhaps just the two of you should go out for his birthday?