Removing myself from a joint account

SueC_2

eskbanker said:

SueC_2 said:

There is currently no debt though, so if they would allow me to remove my name from the account, and at the same time cancelled my debit card and online access, any future debt wouldn't be down to me.

Which is how (and why) the dispute/freeze option works....

So I put the account into dispute / freeze it.  He goes ballistic.  I get suitably 'punished'.  No-one has the account or the money.  And we're still financially linked.

I'm not sure who that's 'working' for, but it doesn't feel like me.

phillw

SueC_2 said:

I was really trying not to do anything so 'confrontational'.  He's not nice when angered, and freezing the account will only anger him.

It seems that everything you do will anger him. Isn't that him being confrontational?

eskbanker

SueC_2 said:

eskbanker said:

SueC_2 said:

There is currently no debt though, so if they would allow me to remove my name from the account, and at the same time cancelled my debit card and online access, any future debt wouldn't be down to me.

Which is how (and why) the dispute/freeze option works....

So I put the account into dispute / freeze it.  He goes ballistic.  I get suitably 'punished'.  No-one has the account or the money.  And we're still financially linked.

I'm not sure who that's 'working' for, but it doesn't feel like me.

The process is simply intended to be a temporary holding measure via which no debt can be incurred on the account until the parties agree how it'll be managed thereafter.

Given your references to anger management issues, perhaps this bolded clause may apply?

Changes to joint account holders

We’ll usually only remove a joint account holder if you all ask us to do so. We’ll only do this if we think the remaining account holder(s) can run the account. For example, we’ll need to check the remaining account holder(s) can afford any overdraft on the account. 

If we reasonably believe that an account holder is suffering or carrying out domestic or financial abuse we may remove one of the account holders from the account without the agreement of the other account holders. 

What if you have an argument with another joint account holder? 

If one of you tells us there is a dispute between you, we may require all of you to approve further instructions about the account. If we do this, we may cancel any cards or chequebooks you have and stop you making payments on your own through Online, Mobile or Telephone Banking. 

Each of you will still be responsible for the account individually and jointly

SueC_2

phillw said:

SueC_2 said:

I was really trying not to do anything so 'confrontational'.  He's not nice when angered, and freezing the account will only anger him.

It seems that everything you do will anger him. Isn't that him being confrontational?

Absolutely.  But fighting fire with fire just ends up with a really feckin' great big fire that may not be possible to get back under control!

elsien

Other than this account, is there anything else you need to sort out with him? Because if there isn’t can’t you just block him everywhere you can (phone etc) and call the police if he turns up threatening you?

SueC_2

eskbanker said:

Given your references to anger management issues, perhaps this bolded clause may apply?

Changes to joint account holders

We’ll usually only remove a joint account holder if you all ask us to do so. We’ll only do this if we think the remaining account holder(s) can run the account. For example, we’ll need to check the remaining account holder(s) can afford any overdraft on the account. 

If we reasonably believe that an account holder is suffering or carrying out domestic or financial abuse we may remove one of the account holders from the account without the agreement of the other account holders. 

What if you have an argument with another joint account holder? 

If one of you tells us there is a dispute between you, we may require all of you to approve further instructions about the account. If we do this, we may cancel any cards or chequebooks you have and stop you making payments on your own through Online, Mobile or Telephone Banking. 

Each of you will still be responsible for the account individually and jointly

Yes, maybe I'll have to go that route, although I hate to think how I get them to 'reasonably believe' that.  It feels like just one more indignity. 

SueC_2

elsien said:

Other than this account, is there anything else you need to sort out with him? Because if there isn’t can’t you just block him everywhere you can (phone etc) and call the police if he turns up threatening you?

At the moment we're still living in the same house, and there are still the logistics of me moving out that need resolving.  Angering him now puts me at risk of coming home one day to find all of my possessions on a nice big bonfire in the garden.  Or the locks changed and me unable to get in.  Or a lot of other things that I'd really prefer to avoid, whilst still managing to separate myself from him financially.  I was hoping there would be an easy answer, but clearly not, so I think I just have to sit it out until I've moved out, and then do as you suggest.

eskbanker

SueC_2 said:

eskbanker said:

Given your references to anger management issues, perhaps this bolded clause may apply?

Changes to joint account holders

We’ll usually only remove a joint account holder if you all ask us to do so. We’ll only do this if we think the remaining account holder(s) can run the account. For example, we’ll need to check the remaining account holder(s) can afford any overdraft on the account. 

If we reasonably believe that an account holder is suffering or carrying out domestic or financial abuse we may remove one of the account holders from the account without the agreement of the other account holders. 

What if you have an argument with another joint account holder? 

If one of you tells us there is a dispute between you, we may require all of you to approve further instructions about the account. If we do this, we may cancel any cards or chequebooks you have and stop you making payments on your own through Online, Mobile or Telephone Banking. 

Each of you will still be responsible for the account individually and jointly

Yes, maybe I'll have to go that route, although I hate to think how I get them to 'reasonably believe' that.  It feels like just one more indignity. 

https://www.santander.co.uk/personal/support/customer-support/financial-abuse suggests that they take such matters seriously, as they're obliged to.

SueC_2 said:
I was hoping there would be an easy answer, but clearly not

Yes, it's useful to have reached this conclusion, even if perhaps struggling to accept it.

SueC_2

eskbanker said:

SueC_2 said:

eskbanker said:

Given your references to anger management issues, perhaps this bolded clause may apply?

Changes to joint account holders

We’ll usually only remove a joint account holder if you all ask us to do so. We’ll only do this if we think the remaining account holder(s) can run the account. For example, we’ll need to check the remaining account holder(s) can afford any overdraft on the account. 

If we reasonably believe that an account holder is suffering or carrying out domestic or financial abuse we may remove one of the account holders from the account without the agreement of the other account holders. 

What if you have an argument with another joint account holder? 

If one of you tells us there is a dispute between you, we may require all of you to approve further instructions about the account. If we do this, we may cancel any cards or chequebooks you have and stop you making payments on your own through Online, Mobile or Telephone Banking. 

Each of you will still be responsible for the account individually and jointly

Yes, maybe I'll have to go that route, although I hate to think how I get them to 'reasonably believe' that.  It feels like just one more indignity. 

https://www.santander.co.uk/personal/support/customer-support/financial-abuse suggests that they take such matters seriously, as they're obliged to.

SueC_2 said:
I was hoping there would be an easy answer, but clearly not

Yes, it's useful to have reached this conclusion, even if perhaps struggling to accept it.

Thank you.  I'm just worn down by the whole situation really and want things done.  He can take his infidelity and aggression, have the house, the contents, the bank account, the money - all with my absolute blessing.  All I want is to be able to move on from it all.  

eskbanker

SueC_2 said:

Thank you.  I'm just worn down by the whole situation really and want things done.  He can take his infidelity and aggression, have the house, the contents, the bank account, the money - all with my absolute blessing.  All I want is to be able to move on from it all.  

Sounds horrendous - obviously anonymised chat on here will typically be about the formalities of bank accounts and so on, but are you getting proper empathetic support from family and friends, etc?