Child's birthday money

Sea_Shell

Mojisola said:

erasmus666 said:

I normally give £40 to £60 to each of my two grandchildren on their birthday and at Christmas. Both are under six years of age. However, I feel reluctant to give this amount. 

It's usually in excess of a month before I have any communication from their parents about coming over which is usually only for a few hours and often involves me paying for a meal. 

I get no phone calls in the intervening period asking if I'm ok.

I think I would just send a card next time and see how quickly the parents get in touch to ask where the birthday money is.

If their lives are really too busy to Facetime/Skpe with you on a regular basis, you won't hear from them about the missing money.

If they get in touch quite soon, it shows you just aren't a high priority for them unless they're getting money from you.

You could try to be more pro-active with contact and see if they co-operate.

The amounts you give seem quite high, considering you still need to work to cover treats for yourself. 

I would consider putting a smaller amount into some kind of savings to keep back for the children - you can decide if and when they get the money in the future.

Funny how family soon pick up the phone when they want something. 

Now the Niblings are getting older, we're moving to 'ad hoc' gifting , rather than by the calendar.    Comes as more of a real surprise then.   Otherwise they start assuming that gifts are forthcoming.

bluelad1927

One thing to consider if it hasn't been mentioned is the generational differences of telephone usage. 

My father uses FB and uses Messenger a lot. In the last 10 yrs since my mother died we've probably had a phone call averaging twice a year. However we use Messenger probably twice a week . I get to know when he's off in his camper van and he gets to see pictures of  what I cooked on the bbq this week 😀, videos of my boy paddle boarding and playing rugby. I also know my father's interests so send him a lot of info that I come across

 Messaging seems so less formal and less intrusive in people's lives. A good time for you is never a good time for others. It also allows people to share more than a few words with others

Tucosalamanca

erasmus666 said:

I'd appreciated comments on the following:

I normally give £40 to £60 to each of my two grandchildren on their birthday and at Christmas. Both are under six years of age. However, I feel reluctant to give this amount. It's usually in excess of a month before I have any communication from their parents about coming over which is usually only for a few hours and often involves me paying for a meal. I get no phone calls in the intervening period asking if I'm ok. I could be sittng there decomposing in a chair for weeks and they wouldn't know about it.  I'm a retired person in their late 60s living on my own on the state pension and the income from a part-time job to pay for luxuries. The crux of the question is 'what's a fair amount to give in this situation, if anything' ? Thank you for taking the time to read this posting and I look forward to reading your replies in due course. Kind regards.

Following on from previous responses.

Chances are that they're incredibly busy trying to make a life for themselves and their kids.

How much effort do you make in communicating with the family? Do you ever call or take the time to visit them?

What is the parents' situation? If both are working, do they have spare hours to give up for you each month (either visiting, phoning or messaging)?
Have you chatted about how busy they are?

Since you're retired and working part-time, have you offered to help them?
They might prefer you gifting your time, rather than money.

Perhaps by gifting less and not paying for so many meals, you might be able to cut down on working hours and spend some more time helping them?

A month for a busy person can seem far shorter than a week for someone who isn't doing that much.
Keep yourself busy and time will pass faster. You'll have less time to ponder how often you're seeing the grandchildren.
If you struggle to keep busy, which is understandable, maybe talk to the parents and see how you could get involved more, if that's what you want?

As to money, you're gifting them somewhere around £200-£250 per year, with the occasional family meal paid for as well.
At minimum wage, you're gifting a total of three days each year (3 x £75 would be £225) and paying for occasional meals.
Does that seem reasonable to you or do you consider it too much?

Spendless

Why reduce the amounts that the Grandchildren who are under 6 years old because of what their parents are doing?. The kids are unlikely to be able to contact you directly without adult supervision. Now if you were talking of reducing the amount of money you gift to the parents because of a lack of a thank you, I could see your point. 

Stateofart

I think money for children under six is a bit uncreative to say the least.  I think £10-15 on some Lego or other toy is much more appropriate.  £40 for a six year old?  That's a crazy amount !!  As for contact, I see this a lot.  Time for them wizzes by as they're in the midst of crazy family life and it feels a lot slower for you now the crazy family part of your life is over.  My parents don't seem to understand that life sometimes gets in the way for us children (grown up now).  Equally, my sibling doesn't really understand that everyone is busy, not just them, and we need to make time for family - boy do they like telling us how busy they are.