Partner staying 5 nights a week

Bings99

elsien said:

Stop doing his washing for him? He is a grown man after all. And if he’s not living with you in he needs to be doing his own washing wherever he is living.
Do you want him there five nights a week? Do you want him there all the time? Is it just the money that’s the issue?

When you say he’s doing home improvements, you might want to check about beneficial interest, to be on the safe side. 

It’s probably time to sit down and say - Do either of you want him to move in full time? because at the moment, he’s neither one or the other - he’s not your live in partner, he’s not a boyfriend visiting occasionally, he’s betwixt and between and that’s probably where the source of the confusion is coming from. He probably thinks he’s paying his way from when you go out et cetera.

So my view would be that before you start talking about money you need to start talking about your relationship and then to move on to how both of you see the finances working in the future.

I would agree with this person. Are u looking for a longer term partner from him? Then if so ts about discussing how it’s going to work . But does he have maturity? Does he fell confused and stuck in his life? Discussion is important

ouraggie

My ex did this, though often for 7 nights a week. I put up with it for too long and eventually said something. Only difference was that he owned a house elsewhere and was paying all the bills there. We agreed that i would continue to pay the bills for my house and he for his. In addition he would buy all the food for both of us. This was never above £200 a month, as i am a canny shopper. My share of that was probably about £80, as he ate more food than me. He used to moan that he was being exploited!
In your situation i would suggest the same to your fella. I would also get him to pay the extra 25% council tax. 

Tulip2023

So, update for you... I spoke with him and I thought it had gone well. He said he hadnt thought about it and I told him the approx amount of joint bills, he offered to pay half. 
A week passed and no money, so I look at my bills and write out the specific amounts and show him as a kind of prompt, again he says he will start paying half but no indication of when. 
I just keep thinking if this was me I would be mortified and would be setting up a monthly payment straight away! When I mentioned the situation to my dad before, he was shocked he hadn't offered anything sooner, my friend thought the same!
Few days later I bring it up in conversation and he still hasn't said when he's going to start paying, I haven't asked him outright, surely I have said enough though! Feels like he's avoiding paying! He seemed a bit irritated when I brought it up this time and he said it's typical since it was agreed he hasn't been at mine 5 nights due to work. But he's been here consistently for 5 days for months.
I'm feeling very resentful now, when I hang any of his washing on the line I'm thinking why should I do this! I'm feeling like a mug.
He does help so much round the house though and we are compatible in every other way, he is kind and thoughtful....but I am starting to feel untrusting now because of this.

elsien

Ask him directly to contribute or tell him to stop staying over so often? Kind and thoughtful isn't the message that's coming across here.
Although rather than couching it in purely financial terms, you probably need to tell him how it is making you feel - resentful and impacting on  your relationship, then ask for his take on it so you both can listen to each other's viewpoint if he feels he is contributing in other ways. But ultimately you both need to decide how this is going to work going forwards and if you can't make it work then go back to him just staying at weekends. 
And stop doing his washing for him. You're not his mother. 

ChardMph

It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about financial contributions to maintain a fair and equitable arrangement in your home. Discuss shared expenses and find a solution that works for both of you, taking into account your respective incomes and contributions. Communication is key to resolving any potential conflicts.

finbaar

Just have a craic about it. If he kicks up a fuss it would ring alarm bells, if not then he would be decent fella. I assume the reason this has happened you both have fallen into this situation, not by accident but just naturally as the relationship has developed. I am slightly concerned that you are asking here rather than simply broaching the subject with your partner, is he that scary?

T.T.D

Dump Him!!!!

The man’s a freeloader. All I got to say.