What are my friends options

th081

Her name is on the deeds but he was paying the mortgage, I assume it's a joint mortgage even though he was paying. Same with the bills they are all in his name. He was thinking of stopping paying all the bills.

elsien

He can’t just stop paying, because they will chase him for them. However, if he’s not planning on returning he can contact the various utilities, council tax et cetera and tell them that he’s not there anymore and they need to take his name off. It would be better if he could get the correct utility readings in order to do that. He will remain responsible for the bills up until that point.

Except for the mortgage, as clearly any arrears will impact on both of them in the future.

Gavin83

th081 said:

elsien said:

No one necessarily gets to stay in the house until the youngest child is 18. And any financial split will depend on all their combined assets not just the house -  savings, pension et cetera.

He can decide to live there if he wants to, he has as much right as she does. But unless they can both get a bit more self control, that’s going lead to a lot more arguments and be difficult for the children.
Have they considered mediation to try to reach agreement? Is she earning enough to be able to buy him out and take the mortgage on on her own?

he needs proper legal advice. It would be a false economy not to. 

The house is the only asset there is

Are you sure? No savings? No workplace/private pensions? I'd imagine it's unusual these days for someone who works not to have a pension.

MEM62

th081 said:

My friend and his wife have decided to split and its turning a bit nasty. They both own the house and she agreed to sell but has now changed her mind. He was staying there but is now sofa surfing due to rows when he was in the house. 

They have two choices, either start adulting and come to an agreement between them or each can spend vast sums of money on lawyers fees.  Regrettably, a lot of couples choose the latter.   

th081 said:

elsien said:

No one necessarily gets to stay in the house until the youngest child is 18. And any financial split will depend on all their combined assets not just the house -  savings, pension et cetera.

He can decide to live there if he wants to, he has as much right as she does. But unless they can both get a bit more self control, that’s going lead to a lot more arguments and be difficult for the children.
Have they considered mediation to try to reach agreement? Is she earning enough to be able to buy him out and take the mortgage on on her own?

he needs proper legal advice. It would be a false economy not to. 

The house is the only asset there is.  

So neither has a pension, savings or investments?   

th081

MEM62 said:

th081 said:

My friend and his wife have decided to split and its turning a bit nasty. They both own the house and she agreed to sell but has now changed her mind. He was staying there but is now sofa surfing due to rows when he was in the house. 

They have two choices, either start adulting and come to an agreement between them or each can spend vast sums of money on lawyers fees.  Regrettably, a lot of couples choose the latter.   

th081 said:

elsien said:

No one necessarily gets to stay in the house until the youngest child is 18. And any financial split will depend on all their combined assets not just the house -  savings, pension et cetera.

He can decide to live there if he wants to, he has as much right as she does. But unless they can both get a bit more self control, that’s going lead to a lot more arguments and be difficult for the children.
Have they considered mediation to try to reach agreement? Is she earning enough to be able to buy him out and take the mortgage on on her own?

he needs proper legal advice. It would be a false economy not to. 

The house is the only asset there is.  

So neither has a pension, savings or investments?   

Yes unfortunately she looks like she is going to take the latter route. 

I don't know about other assets but if they can't get agreement on the house the rest will be even more difficult 

Emmia

th081 said:

MEM62 said:

th081 said:

My friend and his wife have decided to split and its turning a bit nasty. They both own the house and she agreed to sell but has now changed her mind. He was staying there but is now sofa surfing due to rows when he was in the house. 

They have two choices, either start adulting and come to an agreement between them or each can spend vast sums of money on lawyers fees.  Regrettably, a lot of couples choose the latter.   

th081 said:

elsien said:

No one necessarily gets to stay in the house until the youngest child is 18. And any financial split will depend on all their combined assets not just the house -  savings, pension et cetera.

He can decide to live there if he wants to, he has as much right as she does. But unless they can both get a bit more self control, that’s going lead to a lot more arguments and be difficult for the children.
Have they considered mediation to try to reach agreement? Is she earning enough to be able to buy him out and take the mortgage on on her own?

he needs proper legal advice. It would be a false economy not to. 

The house is the only asset there is.  

So neither has a pension, savings or investments?   

Yes unfortunately she looks like she is going to take the latter route. 

I don't know about other assets but if they can't get agreement on the house the rest will be even more difficult 

If there are pensions, savings, collections of fine wine or rare books, then the value of those would need to be factored in, along with the house... 

In being difficult about agreeing, all they are doing is making both of them poorer, by spending more time and money on lawyers fees.

Their divorce can be sorted for a few hundred, or they can spaff thousands for exactly the same end result.

th081

Emmia said:

th081 said:

MEM62 said:

th081 said:

My friend and his wife have decided to split and its turning a bit nasty. They both own the house and she agreed to sell but has now changed her mind. He was staying there but is now sofa surfing due to rows when he was in the house. 

They have two choices, either start adulting and come to an agreement between them or each can spend vast sums of money on lawyers fees.  Regrettably, a lot of couples choose the latter.   

th081 said:

elsien said:

No one necessarily gets to stay in the house until the youngest child is 18. And any financial split will depend on all their combined assets not just the house -  savings, pension et cetera.

He can decide to live there if he wants to, he has as much right as she does. But unless they can both get a bit more self control, that’s going lead to a lot more arguments and be difficult for the children.
Have they considered mediation to try to reach agreement? Is she earning enough to be able to buy him out and take the mortgage on on her own?

he needs proper legal advice. It would be a false economy not to. 

The house is the only asset there is.  

So neither has a pension, savings or investments?   

Yes unfortunately she looks like she is going to take the latter route. 

I don't know about other assets but if they can't get agreement on the house the rest will be even more difficult 

If there are pensions, savings, collections of fine wine or rare books, then the value of those would need to be factored in, along with the house... 

In being difficult about agreeing, all they are doing is making both of them poorer, by spending more time and money on lawyers fees.

Their divorce can be sorted for a few hundred, or they can spaff thousands for exactly the same end result.

Unfortunately she is going scorched earth. 

Stateofart

By hook or by crook he needs to try and stay in the home.  Possession is nine-tenths of the lawa.  Nothing sharpens the mind more than an unwanted person in the house.  If he leaves, he'll be in bedsitland and it sounds like she'll drag her feet on every decision and it could take years.  Typically though, if you're married and she doesn't want to leave the kids, gets custody, she'll probably say she wants the kids to stay in the house, near their school/doctors etc. and you might have to wait until the youngest is 18 and then force a sale.  You could still pay half the mortgage until then (probably very difficult depending on circumstances) because you'll be moving out, then split 50/50 when youngest is 18.  Or stop paying, get a value and equity statement, work out a percentage you're owed (as the value of the house will rise between now and then) and sit and wait.

Emmia

th081 said:

Emmia said:

th081 said:

MEM62 said:

th081 said:

My friend and his wife have decided to split and its turning a bit nasty. They both own the house and she agreed to sell but has now changed her mind. He was staying there but is now sofa surfing due to rows when he was in the house. 

They have two choices, either start adulting and come to an agreement between them or each can spend vast sums of money on lawyers fees.  Regrettably, a lot of couples choose the latter.   

th081 said:

elsien said:

No one necessarily gets to stay in the house until the youngest child is 18. And any financial split will depend on all their combined assets not just the house -  savings, pension et cetera.

He can decide to live there if he wants to, he has as much right as she does. But unless they can both get a bit more self control, that’s going lead to a lot more arguments and be difficult for the children.
Have they considered mediation to try to reach agreement? Is she earning enough to be able to buy him out and take the mortgage on on her own?

he needs proper legal advice. It would be a false economy not to. 

The house is the only asset there is.  

So neither has a pension, savings or investments?   

Yes unfortunately she looks like she is going to take the latter route. 

I don't know about other assets but if they can't get agreement on the house the rest will be even more difficult 

If there are pensions, savings, collections of fine wine or rare books, then the value of those would need to be factored in, along with the house... 

In being difficult about agreeing, all they are doing is making both of them poorer, by spending more time and money on lawyers fees.

Their divorce can be sorted for a few hundred, or they can spaff thousands for exactly the same end result.

Unfortunately she is going scorched earth. 

Then all she's doing is making herself poorer more stressed and impacting the kids more.