Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay back the Child Benefit we're losing due to his pay rise?

Pollycat

This thread needs moving.
It is NOT about benefits.
It's about how couples treat their money.

ginger_chocolate

It is a family expense, he's right about that. But also now he's earning more it seems fair for his contribution to family expenses to increase. It would therefore make the most sense for him to increase his contribution to the joint account and pay the money back from there.

(PS.  Doesn't matter how strong your relationship is, what gender you are, how much of a "team" you are, you should always have your own funds available that no-one else can touch. Never give away your financial freedom to anyone.)

1998jjb

MSE_Sarah said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My husband and I have separate bank accounts and each month pay a fixed amount into a joint account to cover bills. My husband recently got a pay rise, and now his income means we have to repay some of the Child Benefit we received. I think my husband should pay it back, as he's had the pay rise and hasn't increased the amount he puts into our joint account each month, but he thinks it should be paid from our joint account, as it's a 'family bill'. Who's right? 

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

 If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
 Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

See a marriage guidance councillor, as if you need to bring something like this to a public forum, your marriage needs help much more than your personal bank accounts do.

Muttleythefrog

1998jjb said:

MSE_Sarah said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My husband and I have separate bank accounts and each month pay a fixed amount into a joint account to cover bills. My husband recently got a pay rise, and now his income means we have to repay some of the Child Benefit we received. I think my husband should pay it back, as he's had the pay rise and hasn't increased the amount he puts into our joint account each month, but he thinks it should be paid from our joint account, as it's a 'family bill'. Who's right? 

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

 If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
 Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

See a marriage guidance councillor, as if you need to bring something like this to a public forum, your marriage needs help much more than your personal bank accounts do.

Exactly.... the thread is in the wrong section. The dilemma posed should be a personal matter for those supposed adults in a marriage. Frankly I'm not even convinced it is a genuine enquiry. I can't believe members are taking it seriously... and if it is a serious and genuine 'dilemma' then the last of their domestic problems is which account child benefit should go to or who should pay any back.

poppy12345

I did flag the thread to ask for it to be removed yesterday. Seems like there's different rules for the MSE team than there are for forumites, if there wasn't the thread would have either been removed or closed by now.

HillStreetBlues

There must been a link to this thread on a main page so might more involved than just moving the thread.
Or maybe staff are finding it hard to navigate this new look and have given up trying to move it to correct forum.

Muttleythefrog

poppy12345 said:

I did flag the thread to ask for it to be removed yesterday. Seems like there's different rules for the MSE team than there are for forumites, if there wasn't the thread would have either been removed or closed by now.

Finally it looks like they've acted. I used to live next to Denise Robertson the ITV Agony Aunt - lucky she's long dead because I think this thread would have caused her a hernia.

My advice stands.... their marriage is clearly unhealthily dysfunctional and with a child (or children) involved they need to seek a divorce.

LameWolf

My late husband and I always had separate bank accounts, simply because we both got well and truly taken to the cleaners by our respective exes, and both felt more comfortable keeping it separate to begin with. As time went on, we saw no reason to change a system that worked well for us. We did, however, transfer money one to the other if one of us was running short and the other had some money to spare.

Given this type of situation, we would have sat down with a cup of tea and discussed, amicably, what to do; we certainly wouldn't have argued about it, or turned to an internet forum to ask "who's right?"

frugal_twinning

Family finances are extremely simple if you start with the end in mind. There are two ways for a marriage to end:
- Death, in which case everything goes to the surviving spouse.
- Divorce, in which case marital assets (which include anything earned during the marriage) are split 50:50.

Therefore, it is better to consider everything as “ours” (or half mine, half yours) from the moment it is earned. There are a couple of ways to manage this - one joint account for example. With this approach is your lifestyle is dictated by total earnings, rather than the lower earner struggling to manage and the higher earner accumulating a massive pile of money. It also means that someone can stop work for a period (e.g. for maternity leave) without having to raid their savings to continue paying “their half” (I have seen posts from people on the wrong side of this, and it honestly boggles the mind that some people think this is an appropriate way to treat the person they apparently love).

Our way of managing this is to pool all income, regardless of source. We put aside enough to pay the family bills (including joint credit card), then split whatever is left 50:50 to spend, save, or invest as we each wish. We both benefit equally from every pay rise, both take the same pay cut if we go through hard times, and have equal opportunity to spend freely on ourselves. It works very well for us, and a situation such as that described by the OP can not arise - we just opted out of child benefit payments and started enjoying the pay rise together.

Username03725

Saetana said:

Myself and my late husband opened a joint account within two weeks of getting married.  Sometimes I earned more than him, more often he earned more than me - however it was always "our" money, never mine or his.  I will never understand why married couples, assuming you are in a happy marriage, have separate accounts.  Because this is exactly the type of issue that occurs when you both have separate accounts and a "joint" account that you are both supposed to pay into.  Talk to your husband, not the internet!

But what works for you doesn’t have to work for everyone else. We got married in our 30s and were well used to looking after our own money, now with a joint pot alongside. Works perfectly for us, but it doesn’t mean our choice should be everyone else’s.

Re the original problem course he should refund it. The fact that it’s giving you angst is enough for him to do that.