Which to pay against first

NeverendingDMP

We've got a long way to go. The debts have been across both names and passed back and forth so many times who knows what is what now 😂
They are not hidden as such, but one of us is more interested in budgeting and the other spends everything straight away then asks for subs for bills... we used to have a good income with fairly big but manageable debts. That changed we never caught up and we are still on the repayment journey. We were recommended bankruptcy but back then and even now we have decent equity in our house and it's far far cheaper to pay the mortgage than rent locally.
We are on the home straight now in that child care costs are reducing and we are starting to have enough money with a bit spare. Will be another 5 years probably/hopefully  not more yet but we are on the way. 

NeverendingDMP

I think we started at a similar amount to you. We  got it down further than 19k  but we had a leak/long story and spent a fair bit fixing it and indulged in some other work at the same time so the debt went back up. Cost of living has prevented us from hammering it down again so we are back on the scenic route and paying it off on a manageable level

dawnybabes

I know your income is a good one jointly but have you checked UC ? Sometimes you can claim a chunk of the childcare costs back.  

If he wants more ‘spends’ can he do surveys etc at night / lunchtime? EBay stuff ? 

enthusiasticsaver

amat6219 said:

We have somewhat of a plan now, unfortunately he had just paid out all the monthly payments on CCs before speaking to payplan (he's always paid them manually rather than DD - payday mid month)! He is going to stop paying them now but that does mean it's an extra month before default. Ah well, what is done is done. 

He has moved money from his current account to the joint account and closed it. He has moved everything else to the joint (salary payment and mobile phone DD). DMP (£610/month) will also come out of joint. I have worked out a budget from there and am going to transfer out £310/month 'spends' to his new monzo account, of which I have told him to have 'pots' for travel expenses etc. 

I saw the weight lifted from him straight away yesterday, he has been a shell and I couldn't work out why. I am so relieved for him, he probably got the first decent night sleep in months. 

I don't think the debt has built up on totally personal stuff - probably 75% on kids/family and house stuff via spiralling/gradual monthly overspend. Think it started when he was on a lower salary and trying to keep up then spiralled from there. 

Should hopefully have around £1k saved by November for emergency fund too (currently at £450).

Loooooong 5 years of DMP ahead, but I am feel less like I am flapping and panicking now at least! It is finally all out on the table and we can move forward. 

I am so massively grateful for this forum and everyone on here, it's indescribable how much it has helped. Hopefully you can follow our (positive) journey on here now

Well firstly you deserve a massive pat on the back for working through this with your husband and sorting out a plan which looks like it should work.  

Secondly although I realise your husband will need to earn your trust back, as I said before many on here (wrongly in my opinion)  keep their debt from their partner even though the money  was probably spent on keeping the family as a whole afloat so well done for recognising that.  You have acknowledged you do not think he was splashing out money solely on him personally and sometimes it is just an unfair split on bills or trying to deal with circumstantial debt like reduction of  income, maternity leaves etc etc. 

My advice would be you have a regular day of the month around payday where you both have a chat about finances and see how things are going.  That way the stress of dealing with debt/ financing things like car or home repairs or holidays is not all on one person. If you have more personal income than him maybe see if you can save any of it for emergencies because as I said he will not be able to access credit and ideally you shouldn't either.  If you are able to save between now and when your mortgage increases that will help bridge any gap. 

badmemory

Hs running up debt whilst their wives are pregnant/new mothers is absolutely nothing new.  I still remember with a 4 month old finding out how much more we were going into debt every month & this is over 40 years ago.  So much for being a stay at home mother, not that unusual back then, in fact one of my neighbours stopped speaking to me because of going back to work.  I do understand why they do it but it would be better to know sooner rather than when the SHTF.  Just a tad overprotective.  But you are doing great.  Always remember that an under 5 has absolutely no idea if their present cost £2 or £2000.  When you see a very small child spend more time (& more creative time at that) playing in a cardboard box than with the very expensive present that was in it you will know what I mean.

amat6219

Can't really remember where I was up to because I was in a state of shock, full of stress and anxiety. But feel like we are on the right track and everything is now out in the open. Moving forward financially and maritally! 

-First DMP payment has gone out.
-We have £760 in savings (emergency fund) which will be £1,000 by October. 
-Little one's 2nd Birthday next month is all sorted - all presents bought for budget of £50.
-Christmas gifts all pretty much bought too - £150 total (budgeted so we could get some great offers whilst they're on! What and absolute godsend 'The Works' is! Already know 5yo favourite gift will be the 50p extendable fishing net )
-All 3 overdrafts are gone/cleared, and we have paid around £2.5k off initial debt since July.

One of the things I have noticed, and which makes me so happy, is that the kids haven't notice one iota of change - we have reduced shopping / groceries and don't eat out, family days are now free walks in the great outdoors, and they have loved every second! 

lucielle

That’s great to read. Glad you’re making progress. 
L

londoner2019

What a great update Well done! 

BadBookkeeper

Well done on your progress.  For a free family day out national trust regularly offer free day passes.  I found a link through hotukdeals website if that’s any help to you.

amat6219

Yep, thanks @BadBookkeeper - got the latest one and plan to use it early October

Another godsend - saved £80 in the school holidays using the NT day pass! (Me, Mum, Son, Niece & Nephew)