Which to pay against first

amat6219

I don't know how to separate out now. Totally lost. 

I did a full household budget, then % against income -i.e. he pays in 54% and I pay in 46% of total. The rest is our own personal debt / expenses. He now has negative figure at the end of the month when debts are paid so would spiral (if he could get BT), I have slight surplus and we have extra in joint. 

Don't know how to apportion. 

amat6219

New SOA there shows we have some left, don't know how

MissShoes

amat6219 said:

I don't know how to separate out now. Totally lost. 

I did a full household budget, then % against income -i.e. he pays in 54% and I pay in 46% of total. The rest is our own personal debt / expenses. He now has negative figure at the end of the month when debts are paid so would spiral (if he could get BT), I have slight surplus and we have extra in joint. 

Don't know how to apportion. 

Is it worth reducing the amount he contributes to the household so he can cover his debt payments in a sustainable way? You would contribute more- but have peace of mind that he isn't digging an even bigger hole? 

I would also think- establish your own small emergency/rainy day pot independent of him, as trust is low at the minute. You can help and support and you're a team- but he has created this problem and needs to lead/help finding the solution?

Upping income: you mention vented for you- is there anything he can do on the side? Overtime, extra hours etc

amat6219

Ok so could people advise / confirm re DMP…

payplan have suggested he open a new bank account independently from any debtors, default on CCs and save his usual payments then start new DMP at £659/month (5 years) 

He has one other DD (phone) set up plus salary into current account - I have suggested salary move to joint account, DD move to newly opened Monzo and I will transfer spends to that from joint too.

Will it be a problem having the DD for the DMP go out of the joint account? 

TIA!! 

NeverendingDMP

Direct debit for dmp will be fine out of your joint account as long as this isn't the one they have advised him to close.

I think at the moment yes to the idea of him just having access to spends. Got to be cruel to be kind -this is only as long as he agrees with this- it's a good way of him learning cold turkey.
One thing I will say is there is a good chance you will be asked to sub him if something goes wrong/when's he's slipped up and not budgeted for petrol etc. Hopefully not but it may happen (happens to us all) and so you need to think about whether you will help sometimes, often or never etc. 
If his dmp costs are 659 a month does that leave him any surplus at all for the moments where he will occasionally feel the - I hate being skint but I fancy a takeaway, a coffee or an hour with my mates. I'm not saying for him to waste all his money every week but if the budget is to tight it will be awful and five years will pass quickly but also could be a long slog. If he factors in slightly higher costs in his dmp, eg haircuts a tenner a month not five for example  or petrol 120 not 20 he will have a bit of flex to be able to save up himself for a rainy day or a I'm fed up of my dmp day.

enthusiasticsaver

So if he pays 54% I would keep £1500 in the joint account from his salary for household expenses  and that includes a £15 buffer and sufficient for his DMP which is £659 so in total £2159 from his salary if paying DMP from joint leaving him around £120 personal expenses. This means leaving the joint account to pay his phone bill with strict instructions not to upgrade etc. or deduct his phone bill from the £1500 and let him take charge of it in his new personal account. Just one months default is fine to get interest stopped before setting up DMP. You do not want arrangements to pay on his cards. 

That would mean that you would have his £1500 household contribution plus your salary and child benefit with all household expenses coming from joint account. I would pay your loan from there too and put some money aside for personal expenses for you and the children’s costs. Maybe have a household pot for entertainment or pay extra into savings for you to discuss personally. Confusing I know but when you have a massive imbalance in debt amount it is tricky. Can you say hand on heart his £36k debt was for him personally or family as a whole and he was trying to protect you from it? We see that a lot on here. 

Once the DMP is set up there is no point overpaying his debt as the defaults will stay on for 6 years anyway. 

amat6219

We have somewhat of a plan now, unfortunately he had just paid out all the monthly payments on CCs before speaking to payplan (he's always paid them manually rather than DD - payday mid month)! He is going to stop paying them now but that does mean it's an extra month before default. Ah well, what is done is done. 

He has moved money from his current account to the joint account and closed it. He has moved everything else to the joint (salary payment and mobile phone DD). DMP (£610/month) will also come out of joint. I have worked out a budget from there and am going to transfer out £310/month 'spends' to his new monzo account, of which I have told him to have 'pots' for travel expenses etc. 

I saw the weight lifted from him straight away yesterday, he has been a shell and I couldn't work out why. I am so relieved for him, he probably got the first decent night sleep in months. 

I don't think the debt has built up on totally personal stuff - probably 75% on kids/family and house stuff via spiralling/gradual monthly overspend. Think it started when he was on a lower salary and trying to keep up then spiralled from there. 

Should hopefully have around £1k saved by November for emergency fund too (currently at £450).

Loooooong 5 years of DMP ahead, but I am feel less like I am flapping and panicking now at least! It is finally all out on the table and we can move forward. 

I am so massively grateful for this forum and everyone on here, it's indescribable how much it has helped. Hopefully you can follow our (positive) journey on here now

amat6219

Oh, also, yes I have upped my payment to joint bills so we're pretty much 50/50 now 

NeverendingDMP

amat6219 said:

We have somewhat of a plan now, unfortunately he had just paid out all the monthly payments on CCs before speaking to payplan (he's always paid them manually rather than DD - payday mid month)! He is going to stop paying them now but that does mean it's an extra month before default. Ah well, what is done is done. 

He has moved money from his current account to the joint account and closed it. He has moved everything else to the joint (salary payment and mobile phone DD). DMP (£610/month) will also come out of joint. I have worked out a budget from there and am going to transfer out £310/month 'spends' to his new monzo account, of which I have told him to have 'pots' for travel expenses etc. 

I saw the weight lifted from him straight away yesterday, he has been a shell and I couldn't work out why. I am so relieved for him, he probably got the first decent night sleep in months. 

I don't think the debt has built up on totally personal stuff - probably 75% on kids/family and house stuff via spiralling/gradual monthly overspend. Think it started when he was on a lower salary and trying to keep up then spiralled from there. 

Should hopefully have around £1k saved by November for emergency fund too (currently at £450).

Loooooong 5 years of DMP ahead, but I am feel less like I am flapping and panicking now at least! It is finally all out on the table and we can move forward. 

I am so massively grateful for this forum and everyone on here, it's indescribable how much it has helped. Hopefully you can follow our (positive) journey on here now

Brilliant that you have a plan and that both of you are discussing and taking apart in the plan. Your one up on me. I'm still at the you need to understand what's going on stage with dh. Well done to both of you. Onwards and downwards for the debts now! 

amat6219

It is so difficult. The not being honest for me was the hardest thing, I don't care about the debt if I know about every single penny of it, but me thinking its £16k when it is actually £36k is not ok! 

I still think he has a loooooong way to go, but at least I can help keep on top of it a bit.

Is your situation similar to mine then @NeverendingDMP?