She will not give me the new address

ckjax

I have two children with my ex-wife.  She and her husband have moved house, and she refuses to give me her new address.  The children have been poisoned against me, so I do not see them (their choice), although there is no (legal) reason why I shouldn't see them  -  i.e. no abuse,etc etc.   I pay maintenance every month, and always have done.  I send cards etc via her mother whose address I still have, but I want to be able to send cards direct to my children, so that I can be sure they are reaching them.  The hope is that one day they will decide they want to get in touch (they are 12 and 15 now).  How can I get her new address?

Pollycat

Exactly the same situation here:
Can a co-parent withhold their address? — MoneySavingExpert Forum

Teapot55

Link posted by Pollycat above leads to a good discussion with various points of view and some good advice. 

I would just add that you’re doing all the right things. 

At birthday and Christmas times you could consider commenting with a simple “Happy Birthday” etc (no more, so a pre-teen or teenager doesn’t construe it as ‘embarrassing’ or ‘weird’) on their Facebook profiles if they have one. But go with your gut instinct on this. 

Things will get better as the children mature and start to make their own minds up about the way things are. 

Mojisola

ckjax said:

I send cards etc via her mother whose address I still have, but I want to be able to send cards direct to my children, so that I can be sure they are reaching them.  The hope is that one day they will decide they want to get in touch (they are 12 and 15 now). 

One idea I've seen for alienated parents is to create a memory box for each child - as well as sending cards, write another and put it in their box; occasionally write letters to them and keep those; add some photos of you and other family members, etc.

If they do get in contact, it's a strong example of how you have always thought about them and wanted to communicate with them. 

Spendless

Someone I know who doesn't have contact with their grandchildren not through their choice writes on their own Facebook page wishing them a Happy Birthday   each year. She says one day it may serve as a reminder/evidence that she always thought of them, regardless of what they may have been told.