I'm 30, single and have no children but want to be a parent - I feel as if time is running out

Savvy_Sue

pinkshoes said:

Do you want biological children? Or would adoption as a single person be an option?

I wondered this too. Adoption and fostering should both be options available to you.

gwynlas

Whatever you do you need to do it as a couple unless of course you wish to go down the adoption/fostering  or surrogate route which can be a very rewarding experience. Otherwise you know already that you need to find the one that you can envisage spending the rest of your life with which you have failed to do so far. Once met you need to form a trusting loving relationship and build memories together prior to settling down into parenthood.  It might mean more short/medium term relationships depending on both your goals and ambitions. If your chosen one is a couple of years younger than you this could be over the next ten years making you 40 or older. The alternative is to have unprotected sex with multiple partners hoping that you form a bond when one becomes pregnant and allows you to have significant input into parental responsibilities providing of course that you are sexually fertile. Sorry if this puts a dampener on things but whilst you might make a fantastic parent and be ready now it might mean that it will never happen.

anxiousnow

I'm a mum who had my first child at 33 and only a small gap before my second. They are now in junior school. I sometimes wish I'd thought about having them a little sooner (so that they have younger parents for longer, or because I didn't know how fulfilling - and all-encompassing! - having children would be) but we were achieving other things at the time. Having had them in our early to mid 30s, we're more financially stable than we were in our 20s, have finished studying / working our way up the career ladder, and I am able to work part-time and earn the same as I did full-time in my late 20s. We also had some great times together pre-kids and enjoyed a good social life and travel. 

PS - your 40s are great too. 

bigstevex

What apps are you actually using? Friends have said there’s a change in them now in that Tinder is for younger/20s and probably still casual sex as it was when it came out but match.com/bumble/hinge seem a bit more relationship orientated!

same as everyone else though, no regrets having kids aged 33&35, it’s more common now as it’s taking longer to create financial stability first

braskasfinalaeon

I appreciate the replies. I would strongly prefer to have biological children. I think adopting would be a last resort option if I can't find a partner with whom to embark on the typical journey to parenthood in the next few years.

MattMattMattUK

bigstevex said:

What apps are you actually using? Friends have said there’s a change in them now in that Tinder is for younger/20s and probably still casual sex as it was when it came out but match.com/bumble/hinge seem a bit more relationship orientated!

Tinder is great if you either want casual sex (that may lead somewhere, but probably will not) or you are 8-10/10, anyone not well above average has a pretty rough time. Bumble is far better, women seem to prefer it as men are not able to spam them with messages, the woman has to send the first message. 

bigstevex said:

same as everyone else though, no regrets having kids aged 33&35, it’s more common now as it’s taking longer to create financial stability first

Totally agree with that part, especially for men who feel the clock ticking less, even late thirties or early forties for men to have their first child is far from unusual now. 

wine_night

I’m female and had my first at 37 and then twins at 41. We had started trying when I was about 33 but infertility delayed us. Husband is a year younger so he was 36 & 40 respectively when he had children. 

It’s tiring dealing with broken nights in late 30s/40s but on the plus side we were much more financially stable at 37 than say 10 years earlier. It means that I only work part time, so I can spend more time with my children and keep on top of the housework. I earn enough that even after two sets of nursery fees I still have a little take home. I don’t think I would have earned enough in my 20s to make it worthwhile. 

I do remember that “left behind” feeling in my twenties and it wasn’t pleasant. But at 30 you still have time to find a partner and have children. A lot can happen in 10 years. 

Bluegreen143

I was 27 when I had my eldest and my husband was 32, but I was by far the youngest in my “mum friend” circle and none of our existing pre child friends started a family for several years. Almost everyone I know was in the 30-40 year range when having kids and I know women who had their first child at 40.

I therefore wouldn’t stress too much at 30, especially as a man and wouldn’t say having kids in your 30s makes you a geriatric dad! But it’s important to put yourself out there, date and focus on the right relationship first.