Cat Advice needed

bettyboo71

For over seven years since we moved here, our neighbour's cat has visited.  He gradually worked his way in and has a chair and water bowl in our porch.  His owner is aware but we know not to feed him and he was only here for a few hours, a couple of days a week.  18 months ago, the neighbour's dog was very ill, and the cat got a bit freaked out and spent several days at ours, refusing to leave.  He got over it and things went back to normal.  A few months later the dog died, the cat went home and we probably saw less of him for a while.  
Now the neighbour has a new puppy.  The other dog was older and very laid back, this puppy is typically bouncy and excitable.  The cat is also older and clearly not happy with the puppy.  We had a few weeks where the weather was bad and he pretty much just stayed here. We know that he was going home most nights for food, but he'd come back to ours and miaow loudly at the door/window.  He is an outdoor cat and the weather is better now, so we're seeing less of him, but he's still not going home.  We had a long weekend away a couple of weeks ago and we all hoped that that would make him go home, but it doesn't seem to have changed things.

In an ideal world, we wouldn't have let him become so familiar here, but it is too late to change that.  I grew up with dogs, and my partner's family didn't have pets, so we really don't know about cats.  I suspect that there may have been a way to introduce the puppy that might have helped, but it is now probably too late for that too.  

We're on good terms with the neighbour, but she isn't sure what to do either - it's not like she can take the puppy back, so we have to find a solution.  We are reluctant to take him on full time (and she hasn't mentioned that although she does acknowledge that she may have lost the cat for good), but I also feel bad for him that he is sort of homeless.  I work from home some days and he is now allowed to snooze on the sofa when I'm in during the day.  Over the summer we know he will be happy outdoors more, and we will try to keep him out as much as possible, but he is used to a house and cuddles so it doesn't seem fair to deny him that. 

Yes, there are things that we would have done differently if we had known this might happen, but what's done is done.  Any suggestions on how we might introduce the cat to the puppy, or any advice on how we manage the situation staying as it is, would be very much appreciated. 

tacpot12

Would you be reluctant if your neighbour (desperately) wanted you to take him on? Would you be happy to pay any vets bills, and cover the cost of food and insurance yourself?  Might you do this if your neigbour made a contribution towards food and bills for him?

Your neighbour already has all of these costs (possibly not insurance though), and might see you taking him on, but them giving you a fixed contribution towards his costs as a good way out. You could limit the contributions to a set number of years, as eventually he will be 'your' cat rather than theirs. (I woudl think that two years would be a good starting point if you wanted to discuss this idea with them.) 

Lavendyr

Would the neighbour be OK with you adopting the cat? 

SensibleSarah

I'm not sure of the timescale for when the puppy arrived, but it can take quite a while for successful cat/dog intros, and longer if they aren't being handled in a particular way by the owner i.e. things set up so that the cat has a safe space the dog can't get to, multiple stair gates so they can't be chased, a place they can eat, drink, go to the loo etc in peace and, of course, ongoing training with the pup. I always split my house in two for a while when introducing a new dog or cat, so one party has upstairs and one downstairs until they gradually work out how to get along and let them take it at their pace rather than trying to force them to be in a space together before they are ready. That's more likely to make the cat feel like it can't go home at all. 

If it were me, I'd just leave things as they are and let the cat have a safe space at your house. If you're not providing food and it's still going home for that then there is hope they will eventually integrate, but some cats just decide that they'd rather have an easier life than face a puppy at home. I don't really blame them! 

bettyboo71

Thanks for the responses. 
I think we're all happy to let things progress as the cat wants them to.  For now, he knows he's safe and welcome here, and he knows where the food is.  (His cat flap takes him into a utility room where his food is, and the door from there is kept closed to keep the puppy out)
His own is obviously finding it a bit upsetting, but she knows that he's safe. The vet advised her to just wait and see. 
My partner and I have agreed that we'd take him on if that becomes necessary but it's not something that the neighbour's mentioned.  

He's sound asleep beside me just now 🙀 

Titus_Wadd

I've had cats on  and off all my life, but admit I've made mistakes.  We adopted 2 rescue kittens 8 years ago.  The boy was an outdoor cat and his little sister (always v small), was happy inside and didn't leave the back garden.  Sadly she was put to sleep at 3 and we were so sad..but the boy cat changed almost overnight.  Now he's soppy and calmer and spends less time out defending his patch outside.  It seems he wasn't happy sharing and I know he'd not cope with a house share except with humans now.
Some cats like other cat company, we've happily owned siblings in the past but maybe that set up doesn't suit all cats? Maybe your visitor cat is prefering the predictable quiet of yours, tolerated the old dog, but a bouncy pup is a step too far?
Maybe broach the subject of time share with his owner, but if they allow you to feed him I think he'll move in. I hope they are prepared for that.

Lavendyr

bettyboo71 said:

Thanks for the responses. 
I think we're all happy to let things progress as the cat wants them to.  For now, he knows he's safe and welcome here, and he knows where the food is.  (His cat flap takes him into a utility room where his food is, and the door from there is kept closed to keep the puppy out)
His own is obviously finding it a bit upsetting, but she knows that he's safe. The vet advised her to just wait and see. 
My partner and I have agreed that we'd take him on if that becomes necessary but it's not something that the neighbour's mentioned.  

He's sound asleep beside me just now 🙀 

Personally I do not think this is a good solution and it may well end up with you having the cat. The owner doesn't sound inclined to do sensible introductions and may well have missed the boat on doing this. A real shame. 

If you take the cat on be aware that it's more than feeding, it is annual vaccinations, flea and worming, etc etc. Don't be drawn in on a casual basis, in other words - either the cat is yours, or it isn't. 

This is a really sad and complicated situation. They need to crack on with some puppy training ASAP if they want to keep their cat. 

MalMonroe

From what the OP has said, I get the impression that the owner would be happy for the OP to take the cat on. And it sounds like that would be fine with the cat and the OP and husband, too. 

As I see it, that cat is very lucky as there are two households he can visit and he's well looked after and loved wherever he goes. I think it is definitely a win-win all round. 

I don't think it's sad or complicated and I also think that the original owners have any intention of cracking on with any puppy training. That cat is really sitting in clover. 

OP said "I think we're all happy to let things progress as the cat wants them to" - if only more people felt like that about cats - or any pets. This OP also seems to be very aware of the costs and responsibilities that come with cat-owning.

That's one very lucky feline. In my opinion anyway.

bettyboo71

Yes, we'd be happy to take on the cat if we reach a point where that seems necessary.  I it's something we'll have to address before next winter if not sooner.  
I've had pets before and we know what we'd be getting into. 
I'm glad we're here for him and that there's no rush for the final decision. 

Lavendyr

 bettyboo71 said:

Yes, we'd be happy to take on the cat if we reach a point where that seems necessary.  I it's something we'll have to address before next winter if not sooner.  
I've had pets before and we know what we'd be getting into. 
I'm glad we're here for him and that there's no rush for the final decision. 

You're a very kind person

bettyboo71

**UPDATE**
Today the cat officially became ours.
He'd lost some weight but last month, while his owner was away, she asked me to feed him.  She offered to bring his food to our house, but I said I'd rather feed him at hers. Short version, I fed him lots, he filled out a bit, and seemed calmer.  Until the puppy returned.
I think that little holiday actually made things worse. We finally decided to mention our concerns that he wasn't eating enough, and she confirmed that he is eating less than he would.  We agreed to ask our landlord if we could take the cat in, and the landlord agreed.  Today, I collected his bowls, food and wormer. I put down a full bowl of food and he ate half of it straight away, slept for 3 hours, then ate most of the rest of it.  He isn't used to a litter tray, but he can't have a cat flap here so we're going to have to try it.  It's going to take a bit of getting used to for all of us, but at least for now the cat can relax and eat properly.  Only time will tell if he will settle here - although for now it feels like he already has.