My boyfriend owns the house. Should I be paying rent?

Debtfreesim

Hi
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 10 years. For 6 of those years we have been cohabiting. When I moved in, he requested that I pay a sum towards living at the house. This has never been a problem and I so I paid the requested amount. Looking back I wish I was more outspoken in my thinking and should have asked to see the bills so we could have transparency about what my contribution would be paying. 2 years in, I made this request making it very clear that my contributions should not be going towards his mortgage as I am not named on the deeds to the property. He told me, if I was renting, I would be paying more than what I am. My response to this was that most landlords charge rent to pay off the mortgage for the property and then to gain an income from their tenant. I don’t think my boyfriend should be earning an income from me or using my contribution towards his mortgage payments. To this day, I haven’t seen any bills. I have even tried to get a joint account where we both contribute a set amount each month to cover bills and any expenses with the hope that any surplus could be saved or in some way invested. He has also refused this. 

Is my request out of line? Should I be making payments similar to what a tenant would pay a landlord even though I should not be contributing to the mortgage unless he is willing to add me to the deeds (which he won’t). I’m not asking to be added to the deeds as he has worked hard for many years before I was on the scene to own the property he has. 

I’m trying to understand from his point of view but I keep coming to the same conclusion that he is making an income from me and I am not seeing any benefits beyond having a roof over my head. 

Any advice on how this could be made more fair or to help me see his way of thinking would be much appreciated. 

Thank you 

comeandgo

How much would it cost you to live somewhere else?  Is he subsidising your life? I would stop looking at what he is gaining and look at what you are gaining.

RobM99

How much do you pay and what does it include?

MattMattMattUK

It is not unreasonable for him to expect you to pay rent. The amount of rent is a negotiation between the two of you, how much the bills are is irrelevant. If you have a look on Spare Room how much would a room cost in a similar property in your area? If the amount is equal to or less than that then you are getting a good deal.

There are very good reasons why he should have you pay a rent, not a contribution to bills and a joint account in the way you want it, he is protecting himself and his asset. 

From your post I feel a tone of entitlement, it seems that you are trying to find a reason to pay less and that is your major goal rather than "fairness" you claim to want. 

Do you see your relationship going further, children marriage etc.? How old are you? Still boyfriend and girlfriend after ten years, no children, no joint buying of a property where both contribute equally to bills and mortgage etc. I would say it seems like both of you are biding your time for a better offer and you want to pay less than the going rate for accommodation whilst doing it. 

[Deleted User]

Hi,

he shouldn't be charging anything, he should be happy having you there keeping his back warm in bed at night.

Are you also the char, cooking, cleaning, shopping?

itsanne

I don't agree with the above. 

Advice to those owning a property when a partner moves in is to avoiding the partner paying more than half of bills etc, because paying more can give the partner a financial stake in the property even if they're not on the deeds. It might be worth making your partner aware of that, though given his current stance it probably won't go down well. 

Rather than paying "rent", you should save an equivalent amount of money. Then, if you both want to later on, you can contribute so you own a portion of the current property or buy a new one together. On the other hand, if you split up you have enough money to set yourself up. 

Angelica123

Where do you see your relationship heading? Every cohabiting couple will decide on a different arrangement depending on their own personal situation. I think the problem is not how much either of you is paying. It's that after so long - you still aren't able to openly discuss finances and show no signs of wanting to collaborate at all. In addition, you don't seem to trust each other (which may or may not be warranted). I think a lot of the conflict arises from the fact that you don't seem to have a joint vision of where your future is heading. I think it is reasonable for people to want to safeguard their future in case things don't work out - we live in the real world where not every relationship works out. I guess the thing to remember is that if the ultimate plan were to create a joint household - then how you split things now wouldn't matter as much.

I think the question to ask isn't whether or not you should be paying rent or not but where is this relationship heading in the long term. If you are worried about paying towards the mortgage and whether you have any equity interest - maybe consider looking into a cohabitation agreement. 

Marvel1

Not showing you household bills which should nbe 50/50, looks like he is happy for you to pay off his mortgage and can kick you out anytime with no notice.

Grumpy_chap

Debtfreesim said:

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 10 years. For 6 of those years we have been cohabiting. When I moved in, he requested that I pay a sum towards living at the house. 

I keep coming to the same conclusion that he is making an income from me and I am not seeing any benefits beyond having a roof over my head. 

What has prompted this question at this time?
Is it some change of external circumstances?
Is it an indicator of deeper underlying matters in the relationship?

As to whether the request is reasonable, there is probably inadequate information for strangers on the internet to give full advice (and nor should you need to share all the ins-and-outs). 

FWIW, in my opinion, it seems as though there probably ought to be greater transparency on finances.  You might want to set against that how much you pay compared to the full costs in the area and bills etc.  Also consider how your respective incomes compare.  All in the context of where the future of the relationship is likely to be.

silvercar

itsanne said:

I don't agree with the above. 

Advice to those owning a property when a partner moves in is to avoiding the partner paying more than half of bills etc, because paying more can give the partner a financial stake in the property even if they're not on the deeds. It might be worth making your partner aware of that, though given his current stance it probably won't go down well. 

Rather than paying "rent", you should save an equivalent amount of money. Then, if you both want to later on, you can contribute so you own a portion of the current property or buy a new one together. On the other hand, if you split up you have enough money to set yourself up. 

Totally agree with this. You should both be sharing half the bills and you should be putting away the equivalent of his mortgage payments, either for a future joint purchase or for you to have some money saved to go it alone. There should also be some transparency between a co-habiting couple.

Mojisola

silvercar said:

You should both be sharing half the bills and you should be putting away the equivalent of his mortgage payments, either for a future joint purchase or for you to have some money saved to go it alone.

This is very important - you are not his tenant or even his lodger and you have no right of occupation.  You could come home one day to find all your possessions out of the house and you would have to find somewhere else to stay immediately.  You need a back-up fund to cover this.

If he isn't willing to show you all the household bills after six years of living together, I would be questioning his motives.