Is there a forum on MSE for getting advice for elderly parents?

UKSBD

born_again said:

While you could spend to make a downstairs area suitable. Just how long is your mother going to be able to cope? Even with the care that can be given by external carers.

I had this with my mother, fell broke hip, fell broke arm, fell & was stuck overnight on the floor. Only found out when neighbour heard her shouting. Despite me going every night & carers going a couple of times a day.
We ended up despite objections by her about going into care, of her having to go into care. Which despite being able to have 4 visits from carers a day was deemed not enough by the hospital teams. On safety grounds.

While I can understand your mothers concern here, as she feels she is then left alone & in some ways letting her husband down. There comes a point where a line has to be drawn, which is a very painful decision for all concerned.
Let the hospital teams that will be involved now look at what can be the best course of action. Given they are the experts & have a totally health related view on your fathers care.
Might even be worth having a word with them on your own & explain the options on the extension & care. But that might take far longer to sort, than your father is in hospital for with his hip. Which leads to the issue of how will your mother cope then?

To be honest I'm thinking more of my mum than my dad.

He is at the stage where as long as he is comfortable, can get in and out of bed for toileting and washing, that's all he really needs, he doesn't really do anything apart from sit and watch TV all day.

My mum is more active and outgoing, but even she is starting to struggle with the stairs and if we put a new bedroom and bathroom downstairs for my dad now, it will suit her in a couple of years.

I really don't know how much help the hospital are going to be

He had a fall last week as well, was in hospital 3 days, no home assessment when discharged, just 2 ambulance staff bought him home, sat him in chair and left.

2 days later, he fell again and broke his hip

 

Rubyroobs

Ask your local adult social care for an OT assessment. There may be equipment and adaptions that could be put in place to help. Is he getting Attendance allowance or another disability benefit?

born_again

As above. But you really need to make sure hospital staff, will have physio etc while in hospital, know the exact situation at home. Given the stairs at home, he should not be released without being able to walk up stairs.

otb666

You might think your mum can cope with the extra care but in our experience its a hard job and the strain may make her a lot worse and then as my parents they both ended up in separate care homes (their choice) and house sold to pay for care.  A commode is a short term solution for toilet and don t forget to claim Attendance allowance for them both.  Its fine now but looking back it was a terrible time for them both and can get really bad as it takes it toll on every one concerned. 

theoretica

There is also the significant issue that building work takes time and disruption - and if he needs a downstairs bedroom and bathroom he may well need them (or other work) in order to be discharged to home.  So you may all need to be prepared for there being an interim period where he (or they) need to live somewhere else until the house can be made ready and suitable.  Maybe this respite would help him see the advantages of living somewhere well designed for people like him.

sheramber

born_again said:

As above. But you really need to make sure hospital staff, will have physio etc while in hospital, know the exact situation at home. Given the stairs at home, he should not be released without being able to walk up stairs.

After my mother had a new hip she was moved to a care home  until she could go up and down a small set of steps.