Moving in with father in law between selling and buying

lookstraightahead

This FiL has just offered to share his house to help out his family. I'm unsure why people are saying otherwise. He's only in his 60s!

Op, does he need support that I have missed sonewhere?

Grumpy_chap

lookstraightahead said:

Sea_Shell said:

mjp18 said:

Grumpy_chap said:

Could this evolve to the exact opposite of risk of outstaying the welcome?  Is it possible FiL will not want you to leave?

Ah, do you think that’s a possibility? It hadn’t occurred to me actually that he would want us to stay! 

Maybe?

He might think he's also getting a live in cleaner, chef and carer!!  Bargain!! 

What if his knees get worse, will you feel guilted into staying?

These things have a habit of sliding into new routines, that weren't originally intended or foreseen, especially if you all don't want to set "rules and boundaries" from the start (which can seem standoffish, or ungrateful, in the face of what looks like, a generous offer)

Does he have bad knees? 

The OP said:
he only occupies a downstairs room and conservatory due to bad knees preventing him from climbing stairs and he has been living like this since my mother in law died 2 years ago.

lookstraightahead

Grumpy_chap said:

lookstraightahead said:

Sea_Shell said:

mjp18 said:

Grumpy_chap said:

Could this evolve to the exact opposite of risk of outstaying the welcome?  Is it possible FiL will not want you to leave?

Ah, do you think that’s a possibility? It hadn’t occurred to me actually that he would want us to stay! 

Maybe?

He might think he's also getting a live in cleaner, chef and carer!!  Bargain!! 

What if his knees get worse, will you feel guilted into staying?

These things have a habit of sliding into new routines, that weren't originally intended or foreseen, especially if you all don't want to set "rules and boundaries" from the start (which can seem standoffish, or ungrateful, in the face of what looks like, a generous offer)

Does he have bad knees? 

The OP said:
he only occupies a downstairs room and conservatory due to bad knees preventing him from climbing stairs and he has been living like this since my mother in law died 2 years ago.

Oh sorry missed that.
ok op, is he independent now? My Dad is in his 80s and can't walk upstairs so has a chairlift. Doesn't need me to help him. How able is your FiL? Is it just his choice that he sleeps downstairs as the house is big and he doesn't need the upstairs and it's a bit easier?

If he's just after a carer, moving a family into his home isn't the easiest solution for him, so I would suggest he's just happy to put himself out for his family who he loves. 

elsien

Completely off topic, but if he wanted to use more of the house he could consider a stairlift.

Sarahspangles

It sounds okay as a short term arrangement but beyond the short term lots could change - e.g. FIL could meet someone, and your OH not be okay with that!

Plus people are annoying.  We lived very briefly with my then in-laws years ago, and FIL insisted we share the bath water.  When I lived with my parents, my mother fed my children sweets all the time. 

It sounds like neither he, not your family, is in the right house at the moment.

mjp18

Thanks for the replies everyone, all are very helpful. 

Father in law is completely independent, he doesn’t need care, but does choose to stay downstairs due to his bad knees, he can get up the stairs…it just takes him an age and we had a second bannister installed last year so he could get up them a bit easier if he needed to. I think his offer was completely genuine and not in anyway looking for a live in cleaner and carer (I’m no cook and pretty squeamish so I wouldn’t be the best person to choose anyway). We would need to massively declutter his house and have, in the past, tried to convince him to downsize but I don’t think he’s at that stage yet. 

You’re right….we could do with swapping houses really haha! 

Sea_Shell

Fair enough.



But, does he see his stuff as "clutter" and will he be happy to part with it to make room for you?

lookstraightahead

mjp18 said:

Thanks for the replies everyone, all are very helpful. 

Father in law is completely independent, he doesn’t need care, but does choose to stay downstairs due to his bad knees, he can get up the stairs…it just takes him an age and we had a second bannister installed last year so he could get up them a bit easier if he needed to. I think his offer was completely genuine and not in anyway looking for a live in cleaner and carer (I’m no cook and pretty squeamish so I wouldn’t be the best person to choose anyway). We would need to massively declutter his house and have, in the past, tried to convince him to downsize but I don’t think he’s at that stage yet. 

You’re right….we could do with swapping houses really haha! 

I think it all sounds fine. 

Titus_Wadd

Our two adult kids and their partners moved back home after the first lockdown so that they could save for deposits, which they did.  It probably kept us all sane and feeling less isolated.  I have to say it also felt good when they moved out.  We have a big 4 bed house with enough bedrooms with bathrooms en suite for us and each couple to live "separately" without sharing facilities.  Each couple had an "office" for the ones working from home, which they also used as a living room for evenings and weekends so each couple could watch their own boxed sets, but we'd also sit and watch movies together occasionally.  If you can designate a "lounge" in a bedroom perhaps so your children can watch their own programs and keep their stuff from spreading throughout the house I think the arrangement could work very well.  Offer to pay towards increased utility bills before your asked.  Our consumption dropped dramatically once they had all left; we all cooked separately because some are vegetarians, and one vegan. 

You will be in a strong buying position having already sold your house.  Where will you be storing your furniture etc?

ArbitraryRandom

mjp18 said:

You’re right….we could do with swapping houses really haha! 

You laugh, but have you considered it as an option?