Moving in with father in law between selling and buying

mjp18

Hello! I’m new to the forum today and I was looking for some advice or any similar experiences. 

My husband and I (both 28 years old) and our daughter (4 years old) have just accepted an offer on our starter home, which is a 3 bed semi detached. We have just under 60k of equity to take to a new property and have about 30k of savings and have been looking for months for the perfect house, which has been pretty unsuccessful. We’ve had 2 offers rejected on properties that needed a significant amount of work doing, and everything else in our budget in the area is pretty similar to what we already have, which is a lovely house, but lacks space for a dining table downstairs. We looked at extending, and although we currently have a large garden, is out of the question due to the layout of our current kitchen and downstairs bathroom. 

We have begun talking about moving in with my father in law, who we have a good relationship with, whilst looking for our next home. He has asked us to move in with him, he is 65 years old and lives in a 4 bedroom detached house with no mortgage, of which he only occupies a downstairs room and conservatory due to bad knees preventing him from climbing stairs and he has been living like this since my mother in law died 2 years ago. He lives only a mile away from our current property so close to our daughters school. He said that we’re welcome to the whole of the upstairs of the house to make our own and share the downstairs facilities (kitchen, living room) with him. I have some obvious reservations; lack of privacy, coming off the property ladder etc, but also can see the benefits; saving a considerable amount of money for the next house, securing our buyer and not having to rush into the next house purchase. 

So really I’m just wondering if anyone thinks that this is a good move, both financially and emotionally and if anyone has done the same? 

Thank you in advance for your help! 

lookstraightahead

What a wonderful father in law you have! The only think I would say is to ask him what sort of time limit he's looking at - and how long you think it will take, and whether they roughly match. I would say don't outstay your welcome to save money.
if you're worried about his privacy etc I think he's already happy to offer for you to share his home. If you're worried about your own then that's a choice only you can make. You can always rent if it becomes uncomfortable. 

mjp18

Ah thank you for your reply! He really is lovely and he’s said that there is no rush for us to find somewhere else, I think he wants the company after living on his own for so long in such a big house, although I’m still cautious of over staying our welcome, so have said 6 months would be a rough amount of time.

You’re absolutely right about the renting, however my husband is dead set against it…dead money and all that nonsense *rolls eyes* 
thank you again for your response

youth_leader

We lived with my now late divorced Mum for about a year whilst waiting to buy, and it was fine.  Looking back I do wish I'd invited her to eat with us occasionally, she was lonely and I was too young to appreciate she didn't always want 'space'. 

mjp18

Thank you for your reply, I think my father in law would be the same. The company would definitely be beneficial for him.

did you have children living there with you as well? 

Grumpy_chap

Could this evolve to the exact opposite of risk of outstaying the welcome?  Is it possible FiL will not want you to leave?

MrsPorridge

Grumpy_chap said:

Could this evolve to the exact opposite of risk of outstaying the welcome?  Is it possible FiL will not want you to leave?

That same thought crossed my mind.

mjp18

Grumpy_chap said:

Could this evolve to the exact opposite of risk of outstaying the welcome?  Is it possible FiL will not want you to leave?

Ah, do you think that’s a possibility? It hadn’t occurred to me actually that he would want us to stay! 

Grumpy_chap

mjp18 said:

Grumpy_chap said:

Could this evolve to the exact opposite of risk of outstaying the welcome?  Is it possible FiL will not want you to leave?

Ah, do you think that’s a possibility?

I don't know your FiL so can't advise 

Sea_Shell

mjp18 said:

Grumpy_chap said:

Could this evolve to the exact opposite of risk of outstaying the welcome?  Is it possible FiL will not want you to leave?

Ah, do you think that’s a possibility? It hadn’t occurred to me actually that he would want us to stay! 

Maybe?

He might think he's also getting a live in cleaner, chef and carer!!  Bargain!! 

What if his knees get worse, will you feel guilted into staying?

These things have a habit of sliding into new routines, that weren't originally intended or foreseen, especially if you all don't want to set "rules and boundaries" from the start (which can seem standoffish, or ungrateful, in the face of what looks like, a generous offer)

youth_leader

@mjp18 we didn't have children when we stayed with my Mum.  When we did buy a house it was only about a mile away, will you be buying near your FIL? 

I'm widowed and accept my aloneness, don't be guilted into staying, if he starts making noises about 'can't do this/that'  say it might be time to discuss private carers to come in. 

Your FIL will probably have some habits that will annoy you, just grit your teeth and don't voice them, he's been on his own for two years and will have started doing things 'his way' - and will continue to do these things when you move on. 

I've just come back on to say as you have a good relationship with him, this is the ideal opportunity for you to help him 'declutter' as well as persuading him to downsize.  I'm 66 and downsized, my kids are amazed that I still have so many of their childhood paintings etc - I'd already reluctantly halved the amount to move here, looks like they have no interest in them at all. 

If he had a bungalow or ground floor flat he'd be saving money on maintenance/energy bills, as well as having a smaller garden.  If he refuses outright because of family memories, remind him his memories are always with him.  If he still has all your MIL's clothes he could have memory bears made up from her favourite items of clothing, you could help him to gift the rest to charity shops. 

Good luck, I hope it works out for you, hope he doesn't go off to the pub with your DH too often