Simplifying Life

ceridwen

....glad you find this thread uplifting. Welcome to another new face here.

Would be interested to hear what Christmas lunch was please - ie the raw food one you made.

Yep - you all guessed it folks - yet another interest ceridwen has:rotfl: :rotfl:

elljay

Like others on here I've been living or striving to live as self-sufficiently, simply and kindly as possible. I was influenced back in the 1970s by John Seymour's books - and still read them avidly now. Back in August this year, having outgrown kids, job and ex-husband I decided to downshift and live in a simpler way using the ideas as described on here. I calculated I needed £200 a week (mostly because I have to run a car to pickup and care for my granddaughter and she lives an hour away, I also live in the middle of nowhere, no buses etc) I worked out how many hours work I needed, found one job that earned around a quarter of that and set about finding the other three quarters. I also determined to do something voluntary for 2 half days a week. I responded to a vol work advert but they scuppered that plan by offering me a paid post which I took as the job was too interesting to turn down but has taken my earnings above the 200 for now and I can work from home! Best laid plans and all that! so I need to rethink the voluntary work bit now as I'm determined still to do it. However I cook from scratch, grow masses of veg, will get hens when the weather warms up etc.

I do however think that a real risk is that we can becoming painfully smug. Friends of mine were like that about not having tv but their little girl had a bad time at school because she didn't know about tv programmes or Bratz and baby Annabel and however horrible we think these consumerist toys are (esp Bratz!! yuk) it can be really important for children at certain stages of their lives to be seen to be the same as their peers. Also the parents missed out on good programmes too, they recently asked a friend to tape Cranford for them so I think that's really cheeky - and yet they're so smug about what they tell the tv licence people each year. I've met others who go on and on and on about cooking from scratch, making bread, growing veg, not running a car and all of those things in a very self-righteous manner. Another family talks about how self-sufficient they are but happily accepts handouts, handmedowns and other help such as lifts - seem to think it's their right - to me that isn't self-sufficiency. I think that people (esp women as it's usually women who try hard to do things right for their families) who can't live in this way then feel inferior and it's awful to make others feel that bad. For example when I was studying full time and had kids and a useless husband I didn't feel guilty about buying prepared food, it was often the only way to stay sane. After Shirley Conran wrote Superwoman she was quoted as saying she wished she could unwrite parts of it as it was making women into slaves again, which she and her friends had fought against in the 1960s. It's a difficult one. So I think it's great if we are in a position to downshift our lives as I and others here have done, but we must be sure not to judge others who don't for whatever reason.

By the way I found the downthelane website community and forum is fun and helpful.

God-I've had far too much sugar the last couple of days, time for another mince pie - my tum isn't feeling very smug!! Happy Xmas/New Year everyone.

Liz

ceridwen

Congrats elijay on how long you have been working on self-sufficiency. It is a shame if anyone you have met outside this Forum (where we're all wonderful of course:rotfl: - well we're trying!) is at all smug about what they have achieved.

We are all at different stages on the "journey" and no-one on here is at all smug about how far we are at down the road and I feel we are all basically pretty supportive and encouraging to each other in this.

We are all human and doing the best we can - and, yes, sometimes we do have to make compromises. The important thing is that we are trying and, bit by bit, picking up ideas that we like and incorporating them into our lives as best we can.

Certainly - no-one on this thread has expressed any opinion to date that I feel is at all judgemental. We are accepting that the other person is where they are and they are accepting that we are where we are - all of us a "work in progress" to quote my favourite phrase.

elljay

Sorry, I hope it didn't sound as though I was having a go at anyone on here - far from it, this is the most valuable website I've ever come across - I only feel guilty because I take more than I give to any of the boards. I just also know that sometimes I feel so content with my life that I risk sounding smug, and then making others feel less than content with theirs. You're right, no-one has a perfect way of life, we just try and do what's right for us, - what's right for others is their own business and while it's great to share ideas and hints and tips we mustn't assume that everyone wants the same as us or is in a position at the moment to live a more simple way of life even if they want to.

Anyway you have my permission to yell at me if I start preaching or sounding self-righteous!!

Liz

ceridwen

elljay wrote: »

Sorry, I hope it didn't sound as though I was having a go at anyone on here - far from it, this is the most valuable website I've ever come across - I only feel guilty because I take more than I give to any of the boards. I just also know that sometimes I feel so content with my life that I risk sounding smug, and then making others feel less than content with theirs. You're right, no-one has a perfect way of life, we just try and do what's right for us, - what's right for others is their own business and while it's great to share ideas and hints and tips we mustn't assume that everyone wants the same as us or is in a position at the moment to live a more simple way of life even if they want to.

Anyway you have my permission to yell at me if I start preaching or sounding self-righteous!!

Liz

Yep - MSE is a very valuable website. Like others here - I have picked up lots of tips of one description or another.

Theres no need to "feel guilty" in this context at "taking more than you give". You're not hurting anyone by picking up their ideas - in fact its a compliment to them to do so isnt it? There will come a time when you have something useful/interesting/funny to share with us.

Yelling at you if required? Moi? We dont do "yelling" at each other on this Forum - hugs perhaps!:lovethoug

rosieben

elljay wrote: »

…
I do however think that a real risk is that we can becoming painfully smug. Friends of mine were like that about not having tv but their little girl had a bad time at school because she didn't know about tv programmes or Bratz and baby Annabel and however horrible we think these consumerist toys are (esp Bratz!! yuk) it can be really important for children at certain stages of their lives to be seen to be the same as their peers. …

That’s a really good point about the tv elljay, sometimes the worst thing we can do for our kids is to make them stand out from their contemporaries.

I would hate to come over as smug so I mention that I am on my own which means I can make changes to my lifestyle as it suits me. I realise that its so much more difficult when you have a family with opinions of their own. I could not have made many of these changes at all when my kids were living here (even if I’d understood the concept of simple living which I did not then)

As Ceridwen said, we are supportive on these threads

I'm a work in progress too ..

needmoney

ceridwen wrote: »

Yelling at you if required? Moi? We dont do "yelling" at each other on this Forum - hugs perhaps!:lovethoug

Thank goodness for that

lilac_lady

elljay - The only advice that I follow from Shirley Conran is "Life's too short to stuff a mushroom". I still try to stick to this!

teacup_2

After watching GMTV this morning and seeing all the people at the sales in swarms and pushing in each other , I think it is so awfull that people get like this when the sales are on.
I got gifts and money for Christmas but in my quest to lead a more simplified life their is nothing that i NEED at the present moment. I understand that it is a good time to stock up on things, but this year I am not going to do that as I would like to keep things simple and I do not intend going to sales whatsoever. I understand that people stock up and have present cupboards etc, I used to do that when the kids had lots of parties to go to . But for me if that happens ,It is more economical for me to buy the gift when their is an actual occasion and I like to pick something relevant to the person. Also I am simplifying who I get pressies for as I know you dont give to receive but how many of us ?? get somebody something because we dont want to feel bad if they have got us something?and I know we generally want to as well . So I am going to really streamline things this year and just get things for my immediate family, I hope I dont sound mean ! because I am not , its just a quest for a more simple life! and doing what suits you. I would like to get into making handmade gifts etc for teachers or doing something original as I know how chuffed I am when I receive something handmade and Its nice knowing its made.
I am starting to get the new year urge of sorting out!! the house and taking this simplifying and having a good hard look at it. Simplifying runs into all parts of our lives, a new year is a good time to begin. Some friendships can be simplified I have a particular friend who I have known a long time and it is so easy to offend her she will read anything into everything then i get the cold shoulder. Beleive me nothing i say is aimed at her example my husband & me had a party and their was a different group of friends that I know and she doesnt , I introduced her to everyone and they are a really nice bunch very friendly , I tried to get her relaxed and eased in. It was hard work but if anything it was hard for me worrying. Anyway bless him my husband who is always really polite and friendly chatted to her .Anyway she left early as she had bought her daughter with her( good excuse to go early !)originally she had said that her husband was at work so she had to bring daughter but she made a major slip up and she knew it, so she put her foot in it . I didnt say anything and I didnt dwell on it either.
Nextday i got a phone call from her I said " hope you had a good time last night " she was like mmmmm I said " whats the matter. She said your husband was really insulting my husband " I was like really ?? how" Well she said that my husband had said that her husband was really introverted??. Anyway I said to her i would have been surprised if it had been said in an insulting manner. Anyway spoke to my husband and said "allo allo allo !!" whats this you have been saying . He said that she had said Oh I wish my husband was like you !! sociable etc not shy and my hubby had said well I have only met your husband once somepeople are more introverted than extroverted. So she has taken this and applied it to her husband
He was like bloody cheek !! he said it was bloody boring talking to her as she was harping on about how she feels old and was paranoid about wrinkles !!, he said Oh your fine dont worry! she was saying oh do you think I look older than I am ??Why ask questions like that. I said thank heavens you were not flirting ! can you imagine she would have said "oh youre husband is coming on to me " for removing a bit of fluff of her top or something !!. Anyway I felt really let down by her as it was a great party and I love all my friends as they are all different . Her husband is a 100% lovely bloke and I can imagine she has gone back and said to him oh so and so was insulting you and bless him he adores her but she is so paranoid about everything , I am always getting the cold shoulder and when I look at th friendship i have always been consistent with her , their has been times when she rang me up a minute before she was due to come round and cancelled on me so??
Gosh I have gone on so i am basically saying that I dont really want to waste my time in the new year worrying about what I have havent done all the time as its generally nothing and I think she likes the attention of me worrying about what I have / havent done if that makes sense.
Of course I am not heartless ,but sometimes friendships have sell by dates too especially if they make you feel sad , but I guess some do have to slip away for whatever reasons . I think you always know who your good friends are and you have to be one too. What do you think ??
gosh soz its so long and not really related to mse

Hardup_Hester

Hi teacup
I'm sure we all know people like your friend & if you are trying to simplfy your life then stick with the friends who are real friends & who aren't such hard work.
Hugs