Feeling lousy

Mupeteer

Well I've kept myself busy today but I'm still not doing all that great. It isn't helped by my BF asking if everything is all right all the time and wanting to know if i want to talk. I know he's only trying to help but he doesn't get the fact that there really is nothing to talk about. I'd just be repeating things I've said a hundred times before about feeling crap and missing my mum.

I've been baking tonight but it wasn't exactly successful. I've now got a big slab of tablet that just tastes like solid condensed milk and a carrot cake that refused to rise more than about 2mm. Oh well, I tried.

Mupeteer

After feeling relatively ok yesterday today has been awful. Had to take BFs sister for her 36 week scan at the hospital. I volunteered for that so that bit was fine. But I hadn't bargained on her wanting to go shopping first. When we were in town I saw may auntie. Haven't seen her for a while and I saw her across a shop. My heart stopped as it was like looking at my mum. It all went downhill from there. The sister is really selfish (I've had a rant about her before on the daily thread) and was doing my head in, and all the time I was upset and trying to keep it together when I just wanted to run away and cry.

I'm at home now and I still feel really crap. I just want some time on my own but it's Friday night and BF has just started 2 weeks holiday so I'd feel rotten if I didn't spend time with him.

bathgatebuyer

Christmas is a hard time of year for lots of people - lots of people go on and on about how great it is to be with family, how great it is to share it with special people, but they're often forgetting that a large number of people are missing someone at this time of year. I know that Xmas is nice for me as I'm with my Mum, but I really dislike New Year because of things that have happened in the past - when anyone asks what were you doing for Hogmanay, the answer is always the same, in bed with the covers up over my ears wishing it was any other day.

Mupeteer

Thanks BB, I used to do exactly the same at New Year. The clock would be turned to the wall, the tv and radio switched off so that I could pretend it was any other day. I don't do that any more but I still hate all the first foot rubbish and people hugging and kissing and wishing you a happy new year.

I sound like a real bundle of fun, don't I?:rolleyes:

ZTD

We all have a hell of a lot more fun when we're not under pressure to have fun...

skintscotslass

Hi Muppeteer, how are you doing now? xx

Mupeteer

I'm doing a bit better now. I told my step dad about seeing my auntie and how much she looked like mum. His reply was that she probably doesn't, it's just that I'll be forgetting what mum looked like. That is such total crap. I've had a bit of a cry to my BF about it all. He did the right thing by staying quiet and just giving me a cuddle. I know the next few days will be tough but I guess I'll get through it.

Thanks to all for your kind words.

whitewing

Mupeteer wrote: »

I told my step dad about seeing my auntie and how much she looked like mum. His reply was that she probably doesn't, it's just that I'll be forgetting what mum looked like.

Don't be too harsh on your step dad. She may not to him. Different people see things differently. You maybe picked up on certain features or body movements. I saw my aunty the other day for the first time in ages and couldn't believe how like my (other) nan she is. But I'd not noticed that ever before.

Good on your BF for being quietly supportive. You take care. Do you ever feel that your mum is 'around' you somewhere, looking out for you?

I felt that when my son's grandad died. I've always felt that he is looking out for us. OH's dad died when he was 16 but he says he never feels that about him. He does have many happy memories of his dad though, so maybe he doesn't need to feel that way.

skintscotslass

Mupeteer, would it help for you to have more contact with your auntie? Or other members of your Mum's family? I'm glad you've got support from your BF. I wish I could write some words of wisdom, but I'm rubbish at that, so will just give you a hug instead xx

bathgatebuyer

Mupeteer wrote: »

I sound like a real bundle of fun, don't I?:rolleyes:

You sound totally normal to me! If it's any consolation, it's kinda cheered me up knowing that I'm not the only person feeling crap over the festive season - you and I can be a pair of misery guts together! It does sound like your bf is a real star though.

Have a Xmas hug from me - hope Xmas isn't too bad for you.