Feeling lousy

Mupeteer

Sorry for such a downer of a post but I'm feeling crap. It's got a lot to do with the time of year - Christmas never quite lives up to expectations and is a time when I really miss my mum, who died 3 years ago.

I've spent a fair bit of time in tears today and it just seems really stupid. The slightest little thing will set me off. Tonight I watched the programme on More 4 about primordial dwarves and couldn't help but cry. It's just so sad that people have to deal with stuff like that. I know that I've got very little to grumble about compared to many but when I'm feeling like this there is very little I can do about it.

Sorry everyone.

whitewing

Aw Mupeteer (((big hugs))) I've been feeling a bit down too. Both my grandparents died over the summer so this will be our first Xmas without them, OH is worried about his mum who is going thro a bad spell, and we've got stinking colds ..hence why I am still up as I can't sleep at the mo which doesn't help.

whitewing

Incidentally, I'm sympathising, not trying to make you feel worse. What will you actually be doing for Xmas? Do you have any rituals to make your mum part of it, or is it not something you can talk about to the people you'll be with?

Mupeteer

Sorry about your grandparents Whitewing, and I hope OHs mum will be ok. Everything always seems so much worse around now and it's such a shame as it should be a happy time.

I know the sleepless feeling well. I've been lying awake in bed for over an hour with all sorts going round in my head. Finally decided I should get up and have taken a Nytol but I'll regret that in the morning when I'm left feeling groggy. Just waiting for it to kick in now.

Mupeteer

Don't worry, you didn't make me feel worse.

Every year I go to my step dad's house and we all carry on as we did when she was there - only she isn't. The really crazy thing is that she was always so uptight on Christmas day that everyone tip-toed around her. Don't get me wrong, she enjoyed having the day and seeing my sister's kids open their presents, it's just that she wanted everything to be right. Even worse is that now it's me who gets uptight about it all!!

Snaggles

Hi Mupeteer, how are you feeling this morning? I think there's so much pressure on us to be happy at this time of year, that if we're feeling sad or under the weather, it seems that much worse than usual.

Funny how the things that drive you crazy about people are the things you miss when they're no longer with us.

Mupeteer

I'm feeling a bit better this morning. Managed to get some sleep so that has helped. I've got a lot to do today (and I'm putting it all of by spending time on here:rotfl: ) so at least I wont have too much thinking time.

Roll on January 3rd;)

huxley

Hi, glad you are feeling a bit better this morning, it's nearly 6yrs since I lost my mum and yes she is still missed just as much. She would get flustered over christmas but loved it because we would all be popping round grandkids and all and the house would feel alive, we made a new tradition one we know she would of approved of every christmas we all make one day when we either go to one of the houses or book a meal where we all get together swap secret santa prezzies and enjoy and laugh about the present and the past and we all know with out saying a word she would of very much approved of this.

whitewing

Mupeteer, I wrote you two responses last night, before my computer decided it had had enough of me being on it and temporarily died. Sorry!

How are the rest of the family with it? Can you talk about your mum and your feelings with them or is it not appropriate?

Maybe you could light a candle or release a balloon or something on Xmas day (with your family or just quietly on your own) in memory of your mum. One thing I am sure of - as a mum - is that I would want my child to feel able to enjoy their Xmas. I don't mean that you have to enjoy Xmas; just don't worry if you do.

Are you worried that your mum is being forgotten? A friend of mine whose dad died on Boxing Day was fine for years, but then had a fresh wave of guilt and sorrow when she realised that she was forgetting what he looked like unless she was actually looking at a photo.

Try to specify to us what particularly is making you feel sad as there are plenty of people on here who will have some ideas to make you feel better. It may be even that it is right for you to feel sad at the moment.

Hope today goes well. We're here when you need us XXX

Mupeteer

Thank you all so much for your support. I sometimes find it difficult to talk to my loved ones about this as they all have their own feelings about it. I do sometimes talk to my sister but we always end up sobbing.

I don't feel I'm forgetting her - everyday there are a million and one things that make me think of her. I'm usually ok with it and able to carry on but sometimes it just gets too much when I think of all the things she has missed and will miss. It doesn't help that I suffer with depression (she did too) and she was the only one I really could talk to about it.

What is really horrible is that I have trouble remembering her as she was when she was well. She died after a long fight with breast cancer and she didn't even look like mum at the end.

The tears are rolling down my face again so I'm going to take a break. Sweet tea required.

Thanks again.

whitewing

Mupeteer,

I have my tea too.. (fancy a quality street anyone - only green ones left)

There is a depression support thread on here somewhere, so pop over and say hello - they will be very helpful but also very understanding.

Also there may be some bereavement charities that can help with the way you feel. I'm sure someone will be able to point you in the right direction.

I think as time goes by, you will begin to remember happier/healthier times with your mum, so don't worry at the moment that you can only remember the most recent bits. You need to heal too.

What should you be doing today? I should be working (I'm self-employed) so will be getting cracking in a minute. Write yourself a list of things to do and do them. You'll feel better for ticking off one or two things.

Take care