Child maintenance on 50/50 co parenting but 3 sleeps a week

Tezap

ZaSa1418 said:

Have you asked to have them a different night, if she thinks Friday and Saturdays are 'fun' nights then ask for another night of an alternative basis. 

Thanks I've got them on Monday, Tuesday and Friday nights and she's firm she wants both the Saturday and Sunday nights. I can't really pickup from school on any more school days as I am already pushing my luck leaving work early 3 times a week on a full time salary and am having to work early mornings and later in the evening at other times to make up the hours. My employer has been very good about my scheduling needs but it limits my options in terms of getting pay rises or going elsewhere.

ZaSa1418 said:
If you have more than 1 child and have them all for 50% of the time you can apply to the child benefit office. If you can prove you have 50/50 they then should split it e.g. you get child benefit for 1 and she keeps it for the other child (if there are 2 kids)


I know many mums who only get cb for 1 of their children because it's 50/50 and dad gets the other 1. 

Well as they sleep at her house overnight on Saturday then I can't prove an exact 50/50 but maybe they would give me the child benefit for the 2nd child at the lower amount? Do you know if I could I apply for this without the agreement of the other parent? From my basic research it looks like they would just consider which parent each child spends slightly more time with and allocate it all to them without considering the overall fairness of the situation.

ZaSa1418 said:

Has she actually asked you for maintenance? 

Yes I am already paying it and she's complaining it should be more and that the gov calculator only indicates a minimum amount..

ZaSa1418

I think you need to be firm with her.

Is there any reason you have gone down this route instead of alternate weekends and then one / two overnights in the week. 
I was never a huge fan of splitting weekends like this.
How will the school hols be for contact? Will they be split differently so the children can have enjoyable time with both parents?  it is a very bitty schedule if i am being honest. 

Tezap

ZaSa1418 said:

I think you need to be firm with her.

Thanks to be honest I'm not very good at being firm with anyone. I did approach this unwanted situation with a bias to trying to come up with a workable soloution that was best for the children and it is generally working except that I kinda lost a bit of ground in the negotiation and would prefer we alternated the Saturday overnights and I didn't have to make this big monthly payment. We are stuck in the divorce as we can't progress to a consent order unless we can agree something. At least I'm being firm in holding out my agreement..

ZaSa1418 said:

Is there any reason you have gone down this route instead of alternate weekends and then one / two overnights in the week. 
I was never a huge fan of splitting weekends like this.

I guess it's to keep things consistant for the kids and giving them regular contact with both of us.. Alternating stuff gets complicated and employers prefer having staff working a consistant rota each week as it makes it more predictable for others to schedule things around when they might be available. I don't think either of us want to be the parent that only sees their kids every other weekend as we are both very close to them.

ZaSa1418

Really try and be firm, i know it is easier said than done but if you really believe 50/50 is the best for the children then fight for it. 

Are you really going to stick to this schedule in the 6 weeks holidays or over Easter? 

It wasn't a suggestion for just alternate weekends, it was them plus midweek. It would give you the same contact as you have now but would give you the extra night you need. You could do a 4 night / 3 night over a 2 week basis.  It would save the arguments over making sure you both get the 'fun' time as this is why your ex won't agree to the Saturday overnights. 

If she really wants the saturday nights as that is fun time then maybe ask for alternate sunday nights. Sunday, Mon, Tue and Fri one week and then Mon, Tue and Fri the next. 

tightauldgit

Tezap said:

ZaSa1418 said:

I think you need to be firm with her.

Thanks to be honest I'm not very good at being firm with anyone. I did approach this unwanted situation with a bias to trying to come up with a workable soloution that was best for the children and it is generally working except that I kinda lost a bit of ground in the negotiation and would prefer we alternated the Saturday overnights and I didn't have to make this big monthly payment. We are stuck in the divorce as we can't progress to a consent order unless we can agree something. At least I'm being firm in holding out my agreement..

ZaSa1418 said:

Is there any reason you have gone down this route instead of alternate weekends and then one / two overnights in the week. 
I was never a huge fan of splitting weekends like this.

I guess it's to keep things consistant for the kids and giving them regular contact with both of us.. Alternating stuff gets complicated and employers prefer having staff working a consistant rota each week as it makes it more predictable for others to schedule things around when they might be available. I don't think either of us want to be the parent that only sees their kids every other weekend as we are both very close to them.

Just to clarify when you say you are stuck in the divorce - is it the child arrangements that are the sticking point? Because they are dealt with separately generally. 

Honestly with the arrangement you have for the kids I think you would have a sound argument to say 'the days I have are very limited in terms of what we can do because they are school days and I would like to have at least some weekend time with them' when all you are asking for is every second saturday I think a court would look at that sympathetically. 

stymied

I agree with @ZaSa1418
Definitely sit down with a calendar and mark the days, i would be surprised if you don't enter the 'More than 3 nights a week - but not half the time (156 to 174 nights a year)' band.

£182 per month sounds more manageable. Many of the websites seem to use the phrase ‘should pay’, not minimum so I think you’re right sticking to the amount given in the calculation.

Tezap

ZaSa1418 said:

Are you really going to stick to this schedule in the 6 weeks holidays or over Easter?

Yes I don't see why not as I have made arrangements with my employer around the flexible working and buying extra annual leave to make it work. It's tight but it just about works. At my partner's request we swapped a few days/nights around this Easter so she could get a continuous run but overall we shared the number of days/nights as expected and it didn't use any more of my leave than expected.

ZaSa1418 said:

It wasn't a suggestion for just alternate weekends, it was them plus midweek. It would give you the same contact as you have now but would give you the extra night you need. You could do a 4 night / 3 night over a 2 week basis.  It would save the arguments over making sure you both get the 'fun' time as this is why your ex won't agree to the Saturday overnights. 

If she really wants the saturday nights as that is fun time then maybe ask for alternate sunday nights. Sunday, Mon, Tue and Fri one week and then Mon, Tue and Fri the next.

It's already a challenge to be a bit late into work 2 times a week for school dropoffs and leave mid afternoon 3 times a week for school pickups while maintaining a full time salary it means I need to start early and work late the other times so I can't really do alternate Sunday nights as I am expected to start work early on Mondays not be late after a school dropoff. I can't think of any other way to get to pure 50/50 other than alternating Saturday nights. This seems fair as the Friday night is tainted by them being exhausted from school and the Sunday night is tainted by them having school the next day?

Tezap

tightauldgit said:

Just to clarify when you say you are stuck in the divorce - is it the child arrangements that are the sticking point? Because they are dealt with separately generally.

It's not the only sticking point but it's probably the most contentious one in the critical path to agreeing the drafting of the consent order which has a section on child maintenence and is required to get the clean break.

tightauldgit said:

Honestly with the arrangement you have for the kids I think you would have a sound argument to say 'the days I have are very limited in terms of what we can do because they are school days and I would like to have at least some weekend time with them' when all you are asking for is every second saturday I think a court would look at that sympathetically. 

Thanks yes I don't think it's unreasonable I should probably discuss with my solicitor or our mediator but it's very expensive every time we contact them so we are both trying to keep it to a minimum as money is tight.

Tezap

stymied said:

I agree with @ZaSa1418
Definitely sit down with a calendar and mark the days, i would be surprised if you don't enter the 'More than 3 nights a week - but not half the time (156 to 174 nights a year)' band.

As per my opening post I have them exactly 3 sleeps a week so had assumed I am in the '2 to 3 nights a week (104 to 155 nights a year)' range but you are right there are 52 weeks in a year so I must have them 156 days (52x7 = 364 days per year and a year is at least 365 days so my 3 days must occur at least that often each year) which would put me in the 'More than 3 nights a week - but not half the time (156 to 174 nights a year)' band even though it's not more than 3 nights a week?? I guess it could be every 7 years?

Is there an error on the child maintenance website as more than 3 days a week should be 157+ days per year? Which is right for exactly 3 days per week? Is there any guidance on this?

elsien

I was also wondering about holidays. Relative did the overnight Wed night every other week, then Sat to Sunday every other weekend but those arrangements changed during the half terms and holidays where the time was split 50/50 in blocks. With the agreement that each parent took it in turns to decide which half of the holiday they wanted and this had to be agreed at least 6 weeks in advance to allow time for booking holidays.
With the arrangements as you currently have them it doesn't look as if either of you will be able to take the children away unless one of you forgoes some time with them?