Child maintenance on 50/50 co parenting but 3 sleeps a week

Tezap

Hi,
My ex and I have agreed a pattern of co parenting where I collect from school 3 afternoons a week, dropoff at school 2 mornings a week, provide 3 breakfasts and 4 evening meals a week, and cover half the daytimes on weekends, school holidays and bank holidays. I am expected to buy half the clothes and pay half the school meals, clubs, etc.
Crucially my ex will not allow me to have the kids on alternate Saturday nights (she collects them after dinner that night) so I end up technically only having them 3 overnight sleeps a week and worse the child maintenance calculator puts that in the 2-3 nights a week range despite me incurring 50% the costs of bringing them up already. On an income of £49k the calculator is saying I should pay them £447 per month. Is this right as the extra sleep in bed per week at their house is a zero cost item? In addition my ex claims the child benefit and refuses to use it to cover any costs on my days.
I'm not trying to avoid paying for the costs of my kids but it feels like I am paying twice?
Thank you.

Tezap

elsien said:

If you’re paying maintenance, then would that not be expected to cover the cost of clothes et cetera?

No they seem to expect me to buy half the clothes for my days. They moved out nearly 2 months ago when I started paying maintenance but unexpectedly took nearly all the existing clothes (leaving me with odd socks, damaged clothes and too small clothes) so I had to spend a few hundred straight away to have enough clothes, shoes, wellies, etc to cover my days. They even took the stash of pre-purchased clothes in the bigger sizes all bought with joint money. On the first Saturday after they left I had to take them around all the local clothes shops buying pants, socks, t-shirts, casual shoes, etc. I've had to buy school uniform too and the ex is even complaining I didn't buy enough to make the rotation workable. They seem to regard all the existing clothes as theirs as they purchased them at the shop even though it was paid with joint account earnings.
edit: oh your message seems to have been deleted?

tightauldgit

It's not quite clear if you are asking something or just having a bit of a moan but the situation as it stands is reasonably clear - for child maintenance purposes then 3 nights a week is what your situation is and the maintenance will be calculated based on that, you are expected to pay for anything needed during the time that you have custody including meals, clothes, day care, whatever. Generally child benefit is claimed by the resident parent (which is generally the one with the greater number of days of care).

If you want to change your situation and your ex isn't willing to negotiate then the only thing I could suggest would be to get a court order for true 50/50 care. 

Tezap

Thanks I guess it's checking that I haven't missed anything as £447 per month seems a crazy amount for the difference between 3 and 3.5 sleeps per week when the rest of our arrangements such as school pickups /dropoffs, weekends,  breakfast/dinner and school holidays are broadly 50/50.
I want the extra 0.5 overnight a week with them and don't want this financial drain as I already have half the childcare costs and my own home to maintain so I guess it's going to have to be trying to securely it via solicitors if she won't agree it.
Any other ideas anyone?
What happens to the child benefit in a 3.5 nights a week situation? Do HMRC just toss a coin, let the mother keep claiming it, etc?

HampshireH

This does sound very high considering you have them nearly half the week. 

Presumably she doesn't pay you maintenance for the time you have them.

Have you spoken to child support for advice?

elsien

That is a thought. Wondering if the maintenance you pay her, and the maintenance she pays you for your 3 days would cancel each other out.

also when you pay half the clothes et cetera, how is that planned to work? Because obviously they will need clothes while they are with you but if she’s expecting you to pay out half of the clothes she buys for them as well, then surely that should come from the maintenance. That’s what it’s for.

ZaSa1418

Is the same pattern the whole way through the year or does it change when there are school holidays etc.
Definitely sit down with a calendar and mark the days, i would be surprised if you don't enter the 'More than 3 nights a week - but not half the time (156 to 174 nights a year)' band. 

Also if you are not happy with it as you are both parents of the child / ren then tell her you will settle for nothing less than 50/50 

Tezap

HampshireH said:
Presumably she doesn't pay you maintenance for the time you have them.

No I think the calculation is supposed to take into account that you will have costs in your own time but even when I answer the calculator saying we share the time equally (175 to 182 nights a year) then it's still telling me to pay her £182 per month. Surely if a 2 kids are spending 182 nights with one parent and 183 nights with another then that 1 night isn't worth £2,184?

Maybe it is a rant but the system seems so very unfair which is why I wondered if I am somehow misunderstanding it? I don't see why an exact number of days can't be entered to give a more reasonable payment and it has to work in such broad buckets which is so unfair for those at the edges?

HampshireH said:

Have you spoken to child support for advice?

How would I contact them please?

Tezap

elsien said:

also when you pay half the clothes et cetera, how is that planned to work? Because obviously they will need clothes while they are with you but if she’s expecting you to pay out half of the clothes she buys for them as well, then surely that should come from the maintenance. That’s what it’s for.

I have bought the clothes that I dress them in the morning and she returns them unwashed when we do a handover on the weekend. Because of the rota I end up accumulating an extra school uniform and she ends up accumulating extra casual clothes so the swap we do is that I give her a school uniform and she gives me casual clothes back, etc.

Tezap

ZaSa1418 said:

Is the same pattern the whole way through the year or does it change when there are school holidays etc.
Definitely sit down with a calendar and mark the days, i would be surprised if you don't enter the 'More than 3 nights a week - but not half the time (156 to 174 nights a year)' band.

I always have them overnight on the Monday, Tuesday and Fridays unless we swap days so it annoyingly falls into the "2 to 3 nights a week (104 to 155 nights a year)" band. The payment seems very unfair given I have them for half the non-sleep time. The only thing slanting it is that she is unwilling to let me have them for half the Saturday sleeps as she picks them up after dinner and puts them to bed at her house. I'm providing them 4 dinners a week but being treated like I am only paritally involved. It really feels like I am paying for my half of the child realted costs twice. She earns good money, enough to support her reasonable needs (and half of the childrens costs) so there's no spousal maintennce claim.

ZaSa1418

Did she say why she wont allow you to have them on the Sat night? Is it because of the money?