What’s mine is ours, what’s hers is...hers?!

strawb_shortcake

Isn't part of it just semantics? As a couple we have £50k in premium bonds but it's in my name. I often say I've won x amount this month, I don't see the money as mine it's ours it's just a habit. My OH did mention this and I do now make an effort to say we won...

My OH also doesn't work, so my entire wages goes to supporting the household, in the event I get an inheritance - it will go into my pot and whilst it is ours - I will be using some of it to fund a holiday I want, I would of course pay for my OH to go if he wants but I'll spend some of it exactly how I want

shiny76

Wrong thread.  Sorry!

MattMattMattUK

Although it will unfortunately not help the OP I think this is a good example of why couples need to have conversations about finances early in relationships and keep having those ever year. I have seen more relationships fail over financial incompatibility than I have seen fail over infidelity. Like all values if there is a fundamental difference in those held by the partners the relationship will hit the rocks, especially where one partner attempts to hide things from the other and/or is dishonest about the state of their finances. 

Spendless

Me and Mr S have money in the same way. His wages and savings he got (via an insurance claim and shares) are all in  joint bank accounts. I have a sole current and sole savings. We use the different accounts for different thing, it's still all household money. In your case your wife is saying to use the savings from money she inherited towards a private op. I don't see why you are not seeing this as 'household money' surely it's being offered to do just that? Is it the way she's worded it - 'her savings?' . To me she's just differentiating the account the money will come from.  

retiringtoosoon

If you divorced her then presumably you’d get access to half that inheritance, no?

saveallmymoney

This seems so common that i think it must be some kind of fundamental instinctive difference between how men and women think of resources in relationships.

pickledonionspaceraider

I cannot imagine expecting to lay claim on inheritance that my in laws had sweated hard to work for.
Never understood that train of thought

I have had prolapsed disks twice, well the same disk twice and i would advise against surgery unless you have been struggling for a long time and i mean years

Snuggles

Honestly? This comes across to me as though you have some kind of male pride problem where you just don't like not being in control of this money and you resent the fact that your wife has access to it and you don't. The notion that you would refuse to use some of it for your op is childish and ridiculous. Presumably she's suggested it because she sees it as family money, even though it's in her account. Why would you have a problem with that? 

If you feel that she should use some of it to pay down the mortgage, as you did the same, then talk to her about it. Don't expect her to be a mind reader.

I find it utterly bizarre that you think it would be crass to ask her how much she has when making plans to use some of the money on home improvements etc. She's your wife! If you can't have open discussions about money, you're in trouble. My DH and I each have our own savings accounts but I regularly literally ask him "How much have you got now?" and tell him how much I have, so we can keep track of our overall finances (we both think of it as family money even though we are saving separately). If you asked and she refused to tell you, then you would have cause to be concerned. But you haven't even asked! And nothing you have said suggests she sees it as just her money rather than family money. It seems to me as though you are the one with a problem here.