My Brothers partner is off the rails, they have young kids, advice please

inquisitivewanderer

Update as follows, I'd be grateful for any constructive advice if possible.

They have now agreed that splitting up is the best way forward. She wants him to buy her out of the house and they will have the kids "50/50" even though she agreed he should take them on school nights (so that's not 50/50 then),  which he is happy to do and up until the last two weeks it was looking amicable.
However her behaviour (as mentioned in the previous post) has become increasingly erratic. She is becoming more and more distanced from the children - for example she was supposed to be looking after them twice this week but palmed them off to relatives whilst by Brother was working so she could go and meet and spend the night with a woman she had only met on a dating app one day this week.

Regrettably, my Brother is now not just looking at buying her out of the house but also looking to become the 'Responsible Parent'. The difficulty in this is both parents have to sign this agreement and there is no way she will do this, despite admitting this week she will struggle to provide for the children and that "he should provide beds/furniture for her new house" (despite the fact she will receive over £70k when he buys her out). She is increasingly becoming distanced from reality I fear, and this is only making things worse for him. Hence the 'Responsible Parent' route for the sake of his kids safety and care.

My question therefore is, does anyone know how he goes about legally becoming the responsible parent without having to get her to sign any paperwork?

Is there a separate form he can fill out, where both parents get pulled into mediation separately before the court makes a decision on who gets custody? He has no intention of stopping her from seeing the kids, he still feels they should be 50/50 between both parents, he just wants to pre-empt any safeguarding issues whilst they are in her care in the future.

Teapot55

Your ‘local authority’ - the Council  - might be the way to go. Look up the local council Social Services department where you live and see if you can find some way of your brother contacting them with concerns about finding ways to keep his children safe. 

Edited to add: because it’s the weekend right now it might be an idea to find email addresses to write to as offices will possibly have answerphones on - you don’t have to go into detail in the email but do say that it’s a ‘safeguarding concern’ about young children and give them a phone number they can contact you on. 

ThisIsWeird

Luke221987 said:

Update as follows, I'd be grateful for any constructive advice if possible.

They have now agreed that splitting up is the best way forward. She wants him to buy her out of the house and they will have the kids "50/50" even though she agreed he should take them on school nights (so that's not 50/50 then),  which he is happy to do and up until the last two weeks it was looking amicable.
However her behaviour (as mentioned in the previous post) has become increasingly erratic. She is becoming more and more distanced from the children - for example she was supposed to be looking after them twice this week but palmed them off to relatives whilst by Brother was working so she could go and meet and spend the night with a woman she had only met on a dating app one day this week.

Regrettably, my Brother is now not just looking at buying her out of the house but also looking to become the 'Responsible Parent'. The difficulty in this is both parents have to sign this agreement and there is no way she will do this, despite admitting this week she will struggle to provide for the children and that "he should provide beds/furniture for her new house" (despite the fact she will receive over £70k when he buys her out). She is increasingly becoming distanced from reality I fear, and this is only making things worse for him. Hence the 'Responsible Parent' route for the sake of his kids safety and care.

My question therefore is, does anyone know how he goes about legally becoming the responsible parent without having to get her to sign any paperwork?

Is there a separate form he can fill out, where both parents get pulled into mediation separately before the court makes a decision on who gets custody? He has no intention of stopping her from seeing the kids, he still feels they should be 50/50 between both parents, he just wants to pre-empt any safeguarding issues whilst they are in her care in the future.

Hi Luke.

Upfront - I don't know. Not at all an area of knowledge.

But, I would ask whether, provided the children are not at any risk of coming to any harm by being 'palmed off' to his (hopefully) ex-partner's relatives, and your brother seems to be aware of who they are and when it happens?, that to try and also become the 'responsible parent' at this stage may only throw a deeply unpleasant spanner in the seemingly mutually agreeable current plans for moving forward?

Perhaps, one thing at a time might be best? But, that's your brother's call to make based on the circumstances. After all, would there be a safeguarding issue if your brother 'palmed' his children off to you now and then?

If, after they've sorted out the 'essential' arrangements to bring this agony to an end - ie whatever is agreed with the house and children, and his partner has moved out - he can then closely monitor what is going on and take further action if needed. If he can show that his ex-partner regularly passes their children to a 3rd party, he should have a very good case I'd have thought?

Of course, if he thinks there potentially is a safeguarding issue with the children, then he surely needs proper legal advice on what to do now. I guess he can expect fireworks if he does this?

Teapot55

You don’t need legal advice to have safeguarding issues investigated: it’s a matter for social services at the local council.