Never thought I would crush again

sim2335

After my last crush never thought it would happen again.

Anyway it has, so I’ve never had a girlfriend and have social anxiety,

I wasn’t even looking for love just looking to get close to a girl (like friends)get married and have kids.

Every week I go to this religious thing and saw her at some house programs no chance to talk anyway e got a chance to talk small talk what you do etc 

The 2nd time simlair, however unless I prepare what to talk about my mind goes blank

The psychologist I’m seeing for social anxiety, said don’t prepare anything your mind shouldn’t go blank, if you prepare you putting too much pressure on yourslef.

More you force more you push them away.

Then I said should I ask about what music she likes, tell me about yourself what music do you like

He’s like no that would seem odd, you don’t know them.

But issue is if I don’t keep talking to her how on earth am I gona get comfortable with her.

He’s given me ideas like work in pub become a waiter, start doing diffent things like salsa one day badminton next etc, to improve your talking.

But this is all gona take ages

Rushing will just push them away, I don’t want to rush but I want her for sure.

My issues are as I may only see her once a month, if that how can I talk to her enough to feel comfortable.

know the number thing is a option but without anything built it’s diffclut asking meeting etc

Sea_Shell

sim2335 said:

After my last crush never thought it would happen again.

Anyway it has, so I’ve never had a girlfriend and have social anxiety,

I wasn’t even looking for love just looking to get close to a girl (like friends)get married and have kids.

Every week I go to this religious thing and saw her at some house programs no chance to talk anyway e got a chance to talk small talk what you do etc 

The 2nd time simlair, however unless I prepare what to talk about my mind goes blank

The psychologist I’m seeing for social anxiety, said don’t prepare anything your mind shouldn’t go blank, if you prepare you putting too much pressure on yourslef.

More you force more you push them away.

Then I said should I ask about what music she likes, tell me about yourself what music do you like

He’s like no that would seem odd, you don’t know them.

But issue is if I don’t keep talking to her how on earth am I gona get comfortable with her.

He’s given me ideas like work in pub become a waiter, start doing diffent things like salsa one day badminton next etc, to improve your talking.

But this is all gona take ages

Rushing will just push them away, I don’t want to rush but I want her for sure.

My issues are as I may only see her once a month, if that how can I talk to her enough to feel comfortable.

know the number thing is a option but without anything built it’s diffclut asking meeting etc

Hi Sim

Using language like that is a bit strong.    You hardly know this woman, so do you mean "want" in purely a physical way?

Don't use that word to her face...not until you are much, much further into any relationship that's on the verge of getting (more) physical.

Think more "I'd like to get to know you", rather than "You're the one that I want". *



Next time you see her, just say "hello, again.   I'd like to chat for longer than we have been able to today, would you like to meet me for a coffee?"   

If she'd like to talk to you more too, she'll probably say yes.   If she doesn't...well you just have to accept that.   If she says she'll "think" about it and doesn't get back to you.   Don't push for an answer, as this is sometimes just a gentle way of saying "no", without saying it to your face. 




* Little musical reference there 

Penguin_

sim2335 said:

I wasn’t even looking for love just looking to get close to a girl (like friends)get married and have kids.

I mean I'm not sure you should marry someone unless you love them like....

Pollycat

Your desperation for a wife will drive her away if you are not careful.

sim2335

@sea_shell, nope not physical 

I could ask for a drink, goes back to same issue, even if she said yes what do I talk about, then mind goes blank, and if I don’t think mind still goes blank

If we don’t go out, what about when I see her again gonna be awkward

And in regards to mot pushing anything which I won’t what about perstince pays off and people who say, first not interested now we married.

Hence I was trying to build a friendship differently things each week but she only came as one off looks like but may come once a month to prayers.

MorningcoffeeIV

sim2335 said:

And in regards to mot pushing anything which I won’t what about perstince pays off and people who say, first not interested now we married.

They mean that they became interested and THEN got married. Not the other way round.

Persistence can pay off, but stalking can lead to a custodial sentence.

sim2335

Pollycat - hence I’ve not tried anything just talk to her twice, that’s what scares me.
so I’m trying to take it slow but I hardley see her to build anything.

silvercar

Is there a mutual friend that could ask her if she is interested in you?

If you have social anxiety then a walk together may be easier, so you can chat without having to stare at each other.

sim2335

silvercar said:

Is there a mutual friend that could ask her if she is interested in you?

If you have social anxiety then a walk together may be easier, so you can chat without having to stare at each other.

Yes, I’m gona tell the person who runs the sessions, as I’m going away with group in a month she’s not going.

he’s cool and down to earth so will
advice me, and he knows both of us.

i don’t know if she’s shy or confident., to hard to tell yet.

diystarter7

Eidt, removed my post as we are not allowed to discuss medical and link was to NHS and nor are we allowed to discuss none money saving matters.

Sorry.

sim2335

Is someone liking you back based on pure luck?

I know you can increase the chances by confidence where you act etc, but even the best looking guy or girl, and most down to earth and humble etc not everyone is attracted to them.