I struggle not to spend, how can I stop?

crazycatlover1986

Hello everyone, I'm trying to stop spending money, I'm terrible and can buy stuff I don't even need, end up donating or throwing away (if it's food that goes off), and I don't have the money to do this.

I don't work as I'm a stay at home Mum, I've always been this bad and apparently it's to do with my anxiety and my learning disability and whilst my husband earns a fantastic amount, we aren't putting money into savings like we should each month because I'm silly with spending (he is too, but he's found it easier to cut down). I do good and then my anxiety levels peak and just go shopping.

I wondered if anyone had some advice on how I can stop, hypnosis tools, books I can read from the library, anything.

We have joint accounts as in the past I would hide my spending (well before children) and got myself into really bad debt, that was all sorted and whilst we are not in debt, I want to stop our savings being low and build it up again, but I know my spending needs to get under control.

enthusiasticsaver

Unfortunately stopping unnecessary  spending requires discipline and putting processes in place in much the same way dieting does.  You cannot be completely without money otherwise the answer would be don't take cards out or cash and anyone who claims to be able to change spending behaviour by you reading a book or being hypnotised  will only mean you wasting more money by buying said book or paying for hypnosis.  

If you want to stop spending the only way is to put a budget in place and maybe only take cash out rather than cards.  Give the cards to your husband and if you want to buy something then by the time you have got the card and gone back to the shop or website you may well have decided you don't actually need it anyway. Remove card details from websites and just generally make it more difficult for you to spend money.  Often people  who struggle with spending discipline find that using cash only works better as it somehow seems harder to spend that than just flashing a plastic card. 

As for saving I would do the budget and save first.  If you use a digital bank like Monzo or Starling they have savings pots so you move money as soon as your pay arrives into dedicated spaces for car, holidays, christmas etc etc and what is left on the balance is what is available to spend.  Find other ways of chilling other than shopping like going for a walk or listening to music and don't take money out with you. 

x_raphael_xx

enthusiasticsaver said:

As for saving I would do the budget and save first.  If you use a digital bank like Monzo or Starling they have savings pots so you move money as soon as your pay arrives into dedicated spaces for car, holidays, christmas etc etc and what is left on the balance is what is available to spend.  Find other ways of chilling other than shopping like going for a walk or listening to music and don't take money out with you. 

I agree with this. Work out how much you want to save, as soon as wages hit move that money out.

I have lots of pots - Pet stuff / Holidays / Groceries / Gifts / Car / Emergency Fund / Savings etc. I worked out roughly what I wanted to put away each month and that gets moved as soon as I get paid. My bills come out of a separate account too, so I move money into there monthly.
Whatevers left after all this is free spending.

I would also maybe try and work on your triggers...eg do you get the urge to spend sat infront of the tv of an evening scrolling amazon?
Then put things in place to avoid this (leave phone/laptop the other side of the room)

inthezeroroom

Another +1 for creating a written budget because you can include discretionary spending (assuming you can afford it but you said your household income was good and you had no debt). This means you are giving yourself permission to spend a fixed amount on whatever you like each week/month. Give it try.

EssexHebridean

A full household budget is a must - so that might be a good starting point. 

I'd also strongly suggest making your main transfers to savings at the beginning of the month too - that way the money has disappeared from the main bank account so no longer appears to be "available" to spend.

A personal spends budget works well for a lot of folk - us included. we each have our personal allocation of money at the beginning of the month and that is ours to do what we want with - generally speaking I save a chunk of mine - whether for long term savings or for "pots" which fund things elsewhere in the year, and then give myself a fund of general spending money which means a night out with pals or a day trip out somewhere where I see something I want to buy is covered - but once that money has gone it's gone - end of. No personal spending comes from the joint account though - that is purely for bills, so spending from there would almost feel like "stealing" from the household. 

That you have no debt suggests that you spend within the limits of what is available to you - so gradually reducing what is available might well help to break the pattern. If you want to make sure that the savings can't be touched easily then I'd suggest paying at least some of your monthly savings target into a Regular Saver account which doesn't allow withdrawals until the year's term has finished. 

poppy10_2

I think the best thing to do would be to get a job. It would keep you occupied and distract you from boredom-spending, as well as helping you realise the value of money - it's different earning money yourself compared to just having it land in your account from your husband 

infj

It sounds like it may be the anxiety you need to tackle also.
The Reading Agency works with public libraries to recommend books for different areas - including several on anxiety
https://reading-well.org.uk/books/books-on-prescription/mental-health

All public libraries should have copies of these in stock, so you can borrow them for free and see if you find any that are helpful.

theoretica

Also think about when do you spend?  In person, online?  Do you go to shops more often than you need to? Could you choose a different route and not go by/into as many shops? Do you go grocery shopping without a list?

kimwp

It may be helpful to consider making it harder to shop. For example, if you shop online, don't let it save your details, so you'd have to type them all in. Or make the password a random collection of numbers and letters and write them down somewhere (disguised) and put the piece of paper in a box that you have to unlock with a key stored elsewhere. Sounds a bit convoluted, but having obstacles will help with the automatic reaction. I always open a certain app on my phone when I get stressed and spend time reading loads of mini articles - I've downloaded another app that puts a time delay on, makes me take a breath and asks if I really want to open the app. It's working really well and I'm shocked by how many times I've automatically opened the app without thinking - funnily the combined apps are now acting as a stress management tool.

Another thing to consider is figuring out another way to manage your stress rather than shopping. Do you know what triggers it?

crazycatlover1986

Thanks everyone, going to take the advice on, especially with going to the library.

I've given my husband the cards as he's a lot more controlled on the spending, and we've sorted out a cash pot for me weekly with different items (treat, pets, etc) and also a defined pocket money for us each.

I've removed my saved card details on my phone and laptop, but it's more when I nip out I spend than online, but I don't want to remove one option to allow another to fall in easy for me.

kimwp

Sounds good. Another thought is that (though you don't want to do this with food), you get the same psychological response when you collect shopping, but leave the basket and don't buy it as when you do buy it. Obviously we don't want to cause a massive issue for shops, but if you find you can't resist going to the shop, try to remember that you don't need to purchase. You might even find that you could walk briskly up and down the aisles without purchasing anything and you get the same response. I think (based on how I "manage" (ie don't manage it well), I need something that takes me out of the moment, makes me feel I've achieved something and is comforting. Unfortunately for me it's eating (and reading my app), for you it's shopping. I wonder if having a routine to follow when stressed (throw a cuddly toy in the air ten times, then cuddle it while breathing deeply ten times??) would help - what do you think?