I struggle not to spend, how can I stop?

thebikemechanic

hey, @crazycatlover1986! I'm new here so would say that all of the very experienced forum members above have given excellent points and I haven't yet earned my 'worth listening to' stripes! 

I'd add that I too have suffered from anxiety, especially financial anxiety, over the years and found that my struggle with it in lots of areas of my life was lifted when a few things happened, most of which have already been suggested here. 

My wife always managed our family finances, and I often held back money and spent secretly. When we started being truthful and honest with each other (especially I with her), we worked together to begin building our budgeting and money management skills and with it being a joint effort it felt a lot easier to stick to.

In developing those budgeting skills, we also became more open with each other about what we wanted from our money in an ideal world. Having a shared goal and vision for the future made me much less likely to spend unnecessarily and actually makes me excited to save money wherever I can. 

Whilst it was hard work, over a few years we managed to pull ourselves out of debt (at one point it was about 13k of credit card debt, plus 2 car PCP plans totalling about £22k) and I honestly don't think we would have managed it if we hadn't had a really frank discussion with each other about how unbalanced the money dynamic was in our relationship, which caused both of us stress. 

Of course every couple is different, but as money can bring out such an emotional response in us, learning to talk about it openly made a MASSIVE difference to my mental health and lifted a weight off me that I hadn't even realised had been causing me to struggle for probably 15 years! 

madaboutspots

thebikemechanic said:

hey, @crazycatlover1986! I'm new here so would say that all of the very experienced forum members above have given excellent points and I haven't yet earned my 'worth listening to' stripes! 

I'd add that I too have suffered from anxiety, especially financial anxiety, over the years and found that my struggle with it in lots of areas of my life was lifted when a few things happened, most of which have already been suggested here. 

My wife always managed our family finances, and I often held back money and spent secretly. When we started being truthful and honest with each other (especially I with her), we worked together to begin building our budgeting and money management skills and with it being a joint effort it felt a lot easier to stick to.

In developing those budgeting skills, we also became more open with each other about what we wanted from our money in an ideal world. Having a shared goal and vision for the future made me much less likely to spend unnecessarily and actually makes me excited to save money wherever I can. 

Whilst it was hard work, over a few years we managed to pull ourselves out of debt (at one point it was about 13k of credit card debt, plus 2 car PCP plans totalling about £22k) and I honestly don't think we would have managed it if we hadn't had a really frank discussion with each other about how unbalanced the money dynamic was in our relationship, which caused both of us stress. 

Of course every couple is different, but as money can bring out such an emotional response in us, learning to talk about it openly made a MASSIVE difference to my mental health and lifted a weight off me that I hadn't even realised had been causing me to struggle for probably 15 years! 

Some superb “worth listening to” stripes - right there! 👍

Talk to your partner - make money and what it’s used for, what each of you want - a really normal part of EVERY DAY conversation. 

It should be as easy as the “would you like a cuppa love” chat. Work on that together and so much fear and feeling alone/separate in your goals can be disposed of. 

Spots x