Is homeschooling the best option?

ej22

Hi everyone
just hoping for some advice. 

My child is in year 9 and for the past two years since covid theyve been having more and more difficulty going to school due to anxiety. Anxiety is mostly school related and sometimes supermarket/ trains. There was no bullying at achool but covid hit when they were in year 6 so by the time school started again my child was in year 7 and a new school. 

I have asked for help for their mental health but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of options and it feels like mostly it’s about them going back to school rather than looking at their mental health. we’ve tried reduced hours and a learning support area. 

Counselling has not helped so far either and we are at a point where they will be classed as a school refuser which will lead down to a fine etc if they won’t go back to school properly.  

I have been thinking of homeschooling now for a long time but want to make sure I am making the right decision. 
There is some maths tutoring and I will do the English and we will see about science. It would be more unschooling but with trying to keep the core subjects to do some GCSEs.  

I am hoping that with a two year break they would be able to attend college later on. 

I am a single parent and I work school hours so my child has to do some work on their own and then some with me either during the week or weekends. 

When there was less pressure my child has been really good at researching their own topics like space etc and had fun with that so I would like to continue that but I think having a proper strict learning routine could be challenging. It feels sometimes like because of covid then my child needs to feel in control now. My child does want to do homeschooling but on other days wants to go to school but still isn’t actually going.  

My head is just spinning with trying to make the right decision for my child. 

Socialising is not an issue as they’re part of chess club and there are a lot of teenagers and then they’re small competitions and national completions etc. 

I am hoping there will be some advice on if there’s any other help out there for mental health as CAMHS have declined twice. I’ve tried everything else I can think of. 

If anybody has experience with homeschooling for mental health reasons or have found other support for mental health to be able to stay in mainstream then please could you let me know. 

It seems that every time I mention mental health I am shut down with school refuser. I know this has been going on for too long. 

I’m grateful for any sensible advice. Thanks

silvercar

A whole (radio) programme on lbc on this topic yesterday (2/3/23). See if you can find it: https://www.lbc.co.uk/radio/presenters/shelagh-fogarty/ 

RAS

Is this anxiety? Or has your child developed some sort of phobia about crowded spaces because of the threat they presented during covid??

Counselling works for some things but others need psychotherapeutic interventions.

For what its worth, I have encountered young adults with no qualifications aged 16 who accrued enough in three years at college to gain university places. 

But you both need to get your heads round the fact that free education ends when they are 19 years old. So they can do core GCSE's and perhaps another level 2 qualification in one year. Then a Level 3 qualification as long as they start that before their 19th birthday. 

Meantime, devise the learning strategy together, focusing on their interests and giving them basic control, but ensure they report regularly on progress so they aren't in bed playing chess or games on line all day.

ZaSa1418

Have the school exhausted all the help they have for your child?

Have you checked out education otherwise website, there are lots of information about home education on there. 
Home educated children can still take GCSE's and some college's offer courses for children when they are 14. 
Home education also doesn't have to look like school does, it doesn't need to be a structured 8:30 til 3 it can be pretty flexible.

There are lots of home education support groups online , have a look for your local ones. 

You could always de-register and then if it doesn't work out send your child back to school

~FlowerPot~

we are also in a very difficult situation with my year 10 DD. She is on role officially but signed off due to extremly high anxiety. She didnt cope moving up to year 7, she barely coped before that. We deregistered in year 7. Homeschooling was a disaster for many reasons and I did try a multitude of approaches. We are currently not receiving ANY education at all even though she is on role.

You obviouslt want to do whats it best for you daughter, but do make sure she is happy to work at home. It doesnt need to be during school hours at all, but they have to be willing and motivated to study. There are mumerous online/ home ed study groups out there depending on where you live.

I think my advice would be to get the GP to sign her off at least temporarily and then maybe you could try home ed and see how it goes before actually deregistering.

The crucial thing is once deregistered then county do not have to help in any way. You need to make sure you do not need that support.

Please do PM me if you want to talk further, im no expert but in a similar siruation

flowers

x

in_my_wellies

CAMHS refused twice - things don't change do they?
Did you access CAMHS via the school or GP? I found it more successful to go via the GP but go to the GP with a list of every smallest detail written down in a list and hand it to him/her so when they complete the CAMHS referral form they can just copy the list so nothing is missed out rather than have them write 'this child is anxious' Hopefully the GP will appreciate the information. 
Also, by writing it down you don't need to speak about your concerns in front of your child which reinforces the anxiety 

ej22

Thanks for all your replies. 

I self referred for CAMHS the first time and the second time was through the GP with a school letter. 

The school has said no to referring for educational psychologist as when my child is in school they seem fine ( although the last two times my child had to go home after two hours or so due to anxiety attack).  They’ve also said no to referral to child development centre due to my child not being in school enough. 

The gp has signed my child off twice now. 

I’ve been told by school/ council not to get another sick note and that if my child doesn’t go to school as arranged from when the sick note is finished then there will be a panel hearing and if that still doesn’t do anything there will be only one time a fine and then all the rest. 

ZaSa1418

The school do not sound very supportive at all.
Many children mask when they are at school which is super annoying because then the school think the children are fine. 
Unfortunately after the last 2 years there are many children suffering and the schools have no idea how to cope with it.  

Spendless

Hi, I went through very similar to this pre Covid with my teenage daughter. First I would say that now mine is an adult she believes she may have ADHD, something also suggested by the Uni she attends also Covid may not have caused the issues you have but rather  accelerated an issue already there

Mine did become a 'school refuser' lying in bed unable to get out to attend at her worst. In addition mine was being bullied (kept quiet about it so we weren't aware, it was psychological rather than physical). School labelled her as 'naughty' despite her having been no trouble whatsoever until she turned 14. She attended 3 schools in yr11, including losing her place at a school she loved because what I now recognise as a panic attack was classed as behaviour.

I'm afraid I don't set much store by CAMHS either. I didn't struggle to get an a appointment, as we had a weekly drop in - sounds ideal, only I was told more than once that unless she made a suicide attempt than it was classed as behaviour (beggars belief!)

Looking back I can see that that what mine needed was a full assessment, there was clearly some underlying issue. 

I will say you have a little time on your side. When I needed mine to change schools I found it  was very difficult once they had started yr10. As to shoudl you home educate, possibly but also explore other options. When mine lost her school place  my workmate enquired about other options on my behalf, she discovered the local FE college would take children on for some classes, there was also a couple of alternative providers, one was a hairdressing salon, the other somewhere that did beauty, with both you also sat English/Maths qualifications. this wasn't widely known/advertised. Ring up your LA and your local college and see what if any alternatives are provided. If you do decide home education is the best option, be aware that you will have to pay for each GCSE exam she sits as a private candidate and I *think* find somewhere for her to sit them. A quick google suggests each exam would be around £100. I'm sure Home ed groups could tell you more though. 


Go back to both the GP and the school. Put your request to the school for more support in writing. Mine was promised an educational psychologist and then they back-tracked and didn't inform of of this. This came to light when we made a formal complaint about the original school's handling of the situation.

Don't despair this is just a blip in your child's life. Education can happen at any point (admittedly it's not always free), mental health needs taking care of. Mine passed her exams despite the interrupted education and a part-time timetable, did a level 3 course at an FE college and today is a drama student . Having a friendship group which wasn't connected to school was a Godsend(though we had the bullying entwined with the problems)

Finally are you on social media? There is a facebook group called 'Not Fine In School' I recommend it, very supportive and knowledgeable people on there, all going through the same thing. They helped me a great deal when we were struggling.  

Savvy_Sue

Some of the people I know whose children don't attend school are big fans of 'unschooling', at least initially. They don't have a set idea of what their children are going to learn, when they're going to learn, how they're going to learn, how anyone is going to know what they're learning etc. And let's face it, that's how children learn when they are young: who ever 'teaches' four year olds all there is to know about dinosaurs? 

Others do have a set plan, a timetable, learning resources etc. 

Neither approach will suit all children in all families, and the approach may change. A period of unschooling may be perfect initially. 

I'd find the local home education groups and talk lots. 

Mojisola

We had to home-school from the ages of 10 and 12 because of health problems.  The Education Department provided a maximum of two hours a week so ours were basically self-taught, as and when they were well enough to learn anything.

TED lectures were available online, we recorded good documentaries and radio programmes like In Our Time and, of course, had loads of books available.  When subjects caught their attention, they learned as much as they wanted about them.

They weren't well enough to join in with other home-schooled children so we didn't get that experience.

One went on to get a PhD; the other one's health problems limit their life and further education hasn't been possible.