MeandO's money-shuffling

MeandO

Thank you HSL2, you don't know how much I needed to hear that today. Honeysucklelou2 said:

 I appreciate that dealing with such a “co-parent” is exhausting but my DS2 has taught me to stay hopeful. It takes time but they do see things clearly  eventually.

HSL2, you don't know how much I needed to hear that today, thank you.
Things came to a bit of a head last night and I'm afraid I just crumbled and broke down. I am so very tired, so very worried about my Parents and feeling so worn down in being constantly chipped away at by DS's father and his actions. DS spent time with him last night which meant he came home with a bad attitude towards me and it felt like his father was channelling the abuse towards me through DS. One little comment full of resentment towards me from him was the straw that broke the camel's back. I just walked away and sobbed my heart out, I couldn't hold it back any longer. I cried so much I was sick several times. DS got upset and then I felt even worse as I was upsetting him but the tears just wouldn't stop. We ended up hugging and crying together and talking about how to make things better. I tried to explain to him how his comments make me feel sometimes particularly when he's come back from his Dad's, and I asked him what I do that irritates him and how I could change things to make us both happier. I hardly slept last night, I just feel broken.
I've given up and DS will now be attending an event next week far away that the ex has been manipulating him into attending, all because the ex is participating and he wants an audience. It's the 'look at how great I am' attention-seeking trait of a narcissist. I completely disagree with DS going, I don't think it's appropriate and I have concerns about who will be supervising DS and where he will be staying, as the ex will no doubt be going out drinking in the evenings even though he swears he won't. It's happened numerous times before, even when photos were posted on FB, still denies it. It will also mean DS's attendance will drop below the threshold deemed as 'acceptable' at school as he will be taken out of school for several days. I just give up. Let them all do what they want to do, I can't fight anymore and be made out to be the bad guy for trying to do the right thing. I give up.
On the whole, I'm feeling rather **** about life.

I think I've been scammed on vinted too. The £70 item I sold this week reached the buyer yesterday and within 5 minutes of having notification that they'd collected it from the drop off shop, she messaged me saying it didn't work. I know it did, I tested it before it was sent and it was wrapped so well there's no way it could have been damaged in transit. There's also no way she had time to get it home, unwrap. charge and test it. I have had to agree to her returning it for a refund but fear either I won't get the actual item back or she's swapped it for a faulty one she already had. Either way I'm £70 down.
A fb buyer is supposed to be collecting two items for £20 today. 

Mrs_Money_Penny

Sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time, Teens are a hard stage to get through and your ex isn’t helping. Hopefully you son will have taken on board some of your discussions. 

Sorry ti hear you have been scammed. Sending hugs x

MeandO

Thank you Mrs_Money_Penny xx

I was feeling rotten yesterday, all day, and cried for much of it. I had to force every bit of me to go to the gym class I'd booked as I really didn't feel like it, but I'm so glad I did. I can't believe what it did for me and how much better it made me feel afterwards, it was like a much-needed tonic. I've never experienced that before. I left feeling that this was the way I could manage to cope with life. I've another booked for this evening

Another couple of sales made on ebay for DS overnight. I've just walked to the post office to post one and the other will be posted at an Evri counter later today or tomorrow as I can walk there from OH's. I need to pick up the parcel that the vinted person has sent back too, the one I think she's scammed me on.  I also need to drop the ziffit box off at the lockers later which I can do on the way to the gym and drop off a charity bag which I've moved to the car boot to get it out of the way in my little office room. Lastly, I need to put the money back in the bank I took out for the windows plus £20 that the marketplace buyer paid me yesterday.  Lots to remember to do, so I've written a list. I also need to pick up some groceries before DS is back Sunday morning.  

I've found another item I can list on vinted, so I will do that later and hopefully bring in a few extra £'s. I also need to bag up some of DS's old clothes that aren't worth putting on vinted and sort out his drawers as there's loads of PJ's and trousers he won't wear anymore and are likely too small now. A friend of a friend will be very grateful for all of those. 

MeandO

Monday already. I hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was mixed, but trying to focus on the good.

The vinted parcel was returned and I haven't been scammed after all, thank goodness. However, the item is very much working as I knew it was despite the buyer still claiming it doesn't work, so I've sent her a video and photos of it in action, refunded her and have re-listed it. I've also had notification that another parcel could not be delivered and so is being returned to me. The buyer then messaged me to say they want to buy it again when I get it back and re-list it! I've said that's probably not wise considering it wasn't delivered the first time...
It's been a difficult week with vinted issues. I've re-listed the first item on ebay as well and OH has given me something to sell to put towards our little break away. It should bring in around £50 profit after fees and postage.

I received a letter from Barcl&ycard this weekend, saying they owe me a refund and I haven't replied to the first letter they sent. I never received the first letter and haven't had a card with them for several years, certainly not whilst at this address either, so I was a bit dubious. A bit of googling showed it was genuine and so I've called them this morning, filled in a form online and a refund of £61.31 will apparently be on the way to me within 30 days. That will really help as funds are low now and I still have the CC balance to pay off and spending money towards our break to pay for. I am worrying about money again which is silly as I have more than enough to pay for things, but I don't want to raid the savings. I'll have a think about how best to pay for everything so it's not weighing on my mind.

MeandO

The returned item from vinted has sold on ebay already making £65.72 profit. A bit less than if sold on vinted and a stark reminder the fees ebay take are just astronomical, but it'll go towards paying the credit card off. I'm sad to see it go again, it was something DS and I enjoyed a lot when he was younger and I still love it, but there is no point in keeping hold of it. 

DS has a meal out with his sports club members tonight which will cost in the region of £30.  One of the mothers organises this regularly and I can't help but think it's more for the cliquey group of mums to go out to a pub to eat and gossip as the venue is not the obvious choice for kids and the cost is ridiculous for their age group! I don't attend, I have never been made to feel welcome as the ex is largely involved with the club and has spread his lies about me as usual, hence why I'm ignored, stared at and obviously talked about behind my back by this group when I have attended events for DS in the past. It's funny how it always comes down to me to pay for DS's meal though, even though his father attends every time.  OH and I don't even spend £30 between us if we go out for a meal, with drinks! If we do eat out, which isn't often, we head to a 'spoons so that we know it's affordable and will be well under £25 for both of us! Oh well, at least DS will enjoy, hopefully.

I've just read my gas meter and submitted that so that the bill is correct. It is a smart meter but has never been that smart and won't send readings itself.

Yesterday I picked some green beans from my garden which I may have tonight with a jacket potato. I've had a few strawberries from last year's strawberry plants too, one of which I had on my breakfast this morning. The tomato plants seem to be doing ok, but no sign of any tomatoes going red yet, I guess it's still a bit early. At least the garden is getting a soak today with all the rain!

badmemory

Don't you just love that they are very happy to take your money at the same time as insulting you.  Must be lovely people - I forget people can't hear the tone of voice on here - sarcasm.

Chrystal

Please don't take this the wrong way, but why are you paying the £30?

I'd be telling DS that I couldn't afford it and that as he was going with his Dad to ask his Dad to pay.  You don't go.  Dad does and wants him there. Therefor Dad pays.  I really think it's time to allow a little reality into DSs life instead of just going along with what you've been doing, which seems to be just accepting that you HAVE to pay for everything... you don't, if DS misses the meal it won't hurt him, and just might open his eyes a little, and if his Father does pay then that's good...

On the subject of school tell DS that his father needs to write to the school to inform them as to why he is off.  I't being taken out of your hands and there are repercussions... I'd also inform the school before the event.

I'm sending you loads of (((hugs))) and strength and resolution.  You are stronger than you think and worth so much more than you think you are.XXXX

Chrystal

On the subject of smart meters I had the same problem when we were moved from Bulb to  Octopus,  

The smart meters just stopped sending the  info although they were the 2nd generation and shouldn't have had a problem  I eventually got round to reporting it and it was a simple matter of something needing changing on the electric meter which sends the information from both gas and electric to the supplier.  Took about  2 minutes to do

Aimingforthegoodlife

Just caught up, I feel like @Chrystal speaks so much truth and I am so glad you have taken on board her advice, I was especially pleased to see you putting yourself first with the gym! Exercise and social activities are so so important and it makes you feel good, which you really need.

Your ex is a butt, and like Chrystal says, he knows he can get away without being held accountable financially as you will always cover, as you feel you need to for your son. I think a reality check about money is very valuable, I wish my parents had been more open about finances growing up. It helps to realise the value of what is spent and what is needed. 

I really wish I could give you a huge hug, you are really lovely and kind, it makes me angry that you are treated badly by your ex. I think that having a good cry after DS was mean is also positive, he has to understand that words hurt, we can't just parrot things and not expect reactions.

Hoping I won't leave it so long before popping back next time

MeandO

Thank you badmemory, Chrystal and Aimingforthegoodlife. Your comments are always taken the way they are intended and I always appreciate your views and support xx

I spoke to DS about the money for the meal and said that money was short and I had a lot to pay for this month and, as I'd paid every time before it's only fair he asks his Dad to pay this time as he'd be there anyway and buying his own meal. I did give DS £20 though as I know his Dad would make a scene and embarrass DS in front of everyone if he turned up without any money and said to use his bank card for the rest if there was a problem and I would refund him. It turns out the ex wasn't attending for the first time ever as he's gone away to his event early, so he got out of that one again. DS paid with his bank card and returned the cash to me when he got home, saying he would pay for it himself this time as I needed the money more than him. I nearly cried again. 
I've only been informed today about the arrangements for DS to go and see his father 'perform' tomorrow despite them booking it last week and me asking for the details by the end of the weekend. I still disagree with it but DS wants to go and I've given up trying to get his father to see reason, it'll never happen.

DS has told me in the past that his Dad and partner can't afford to pay for X, Y or Z as there are 6 of them in that household including DS (when he's there). The other 3 are her kids, one is an adult. This is obviously the excuse he has been told by his father. I did tell DS at the time that Dad's partner is supported by her children's father for things for them, Dad doesn't financially support them. Also, that I provide X, Y and Z for DS, the money doesn't come from his father! I also pointed out there's two high wages going into that house and highlighted the frivolous lifestyle they lead, but I wasn't going to get into a heated discussion about their finances with DS, it's not his fault his father can only think of himself. I hope he grows to see it though.

DS seems to have shot up overnight, he's now more or less as tall as me and I'm very tall! As a result he seems to have grown out of lots of things overnight. Pyjamas are getting essential now, so I've shopped around and found 5 pairs in two slightly different larger sizes for just over £32, so they should last him for a good while. Gone are the days when I could pick up a pack of PJ's in Asda for under a tenner for him
He also needs more socks - the white overpriced kind that all teens insist on wearing now - as most of his look grubby and bobbly now. I may just try them on a really hot wash with some stain remover in though first. in fact, I'm going to do that today...
And he came home with another school jumper ruined by paint from art last week as his father didn't wash it for 3 days then it wouldn't come out, plus he needs polo shirts as he's outgrowing those too. Oh, and school shoes AGAIN as the replacement ones for the previous faulty shoes didn't last either. And his school bag is split. If I get change from £300 I'll be lucky. I will ask his father to contribute to the school stuff but I won't hold my breath or if he does, it'll be in ridiculously low 'instalments.'

I've also had to give in and buy myself some new shoes, I'm so annoyed at having to spend more money on me. I have lived in the canvas pumps I bought last September and unfortunately they've been split for a while, but now my whole heel is practically hanging out of one shoe, it's embarrassing. OH said he was going to buy new ones but I kindly declined and found some for £28. I have extremely wide and very large feet, so shoe buying is stuff of nightmares for me and I can rarely find a bargain in my size. Hopefully they fit when they arrive. 

I also need to buy tea! I only generally drink decaf tea and have almost run out so am on some 'emergency' tea bags my Mum kindly gave me a while back. They're not very nice but they'll do for now. I usually order a big bag online as it's cheaper at around £12, but can't afford it until after payday so am having more coffee than usual!

I've taken some chicken out of the freezer for DS for tonight, I'll probably have a jacket potato as some sweet potatoes need using up. Now I'm off to try and wash white socks!!!