MeandO's money-shuffling

debtfreewannabe321

Big hugs, I notice so many similarities when you post. Including foot and leg pain. How old is your DS now? Mine was an angel towards me up to about 14 then it was like that sketch of Kevin and Perry when Kevin turns into a teenager overnight. It was that quick 😐 and I've not found the old sweet DS in that teenager yet. I personally think the teens are the worst of all stages so cut yourself some slack and know we've all been there and thoroughly sympathise and support. And I bet many of us at a certain age will also empathise on the health decline bit too. I've just been diagnosed with all sorts and it does seem to have all come on as I've hit peri meno and meno. Big hugs 🤗 although you feel alone you've got plenty of support here.

Now the washing machine....I taught my DS how to use ours because he was nocturnal after puberty and would bring his plates, rubbish, washing all down as we went off to bed. I showed him how to use ours through irritation more than anything. And he used it! That's the upside. The downside sadly was he used it EVERY DAY regardless of our complaining, then trying to lay the law down over it he still did it. Our electric shot through the roof. So little things like that need laying down from the beginning - we do this once a week (or twice or whatever).

I hope today is a better day.

And next week is it possible to get a train/bus for DS work experience? Perhaps you could go with him the first couple of days and the second day maybe meet him at the station the other end and let him find his way there. And perhaps withdraw support so he's not only learning a new job but also this is how you'd travel to it when you got one. We travel train our students and it's a huge life skill to not have parents drop them everywhere and offers independence. Just a thought understand if he's not mature enough (my youngest wouldn't have been but the other two would probably have loved it!)

MeandO

Thank you Mrs_Money_Penny, in_need_of_direction, weenancyinAmerica and DFW321.

Sorry, I didn't explain very well about the washing. It had been at DS's father's for days but hadn't been washed so I was more irritated at him than DS. DS was on his way to training so wasn't back until 9.30pm anyway so would have been way to late to wash and dry. He's 15 and does know how to use the washing machine and is good at putting dirty laundry out for wash etc, but is terrible for leaving things on/not checking on things and doesn't understand the danger with some things, so I'm not showing him how to use the dryer yet for fear of him leaving it on all night and burning the house down. He also can't hang a garment/towel up flat without it being screwed up/folded in a ball to save his life, but then the ex, OH and even my Dad (who is Super-Man with 99% of tasks) are like that so I think that may just be a male thing? (Sorry to any who may be reading!).

I am definitely guilty of doing too much for DS though and always have done. I had a chat with my friend this morning about everything. She has three daughters, two teens, one the same age as DS and a younger DD. She is also on her own after divorce and her ex's behaviour is pretty much a carbon copy of DS's father, actually probably worse. We both acknowledge that we have done too much for our children as we have tried to overcompensate for their useless father and the less than perfect situation they've been brought up in. It's done out of love, but it hasn't helped long term, I know. It also makes the children (teens) take it for granted and have little respect for the parent (me) that bends over backwards and does everything for them whilst the parent who does nothing gets a gold badge when they occasionally step up. It's hard.

I have started to try and take a slow step back over the past few months and making be responsible for his own tasks (cleaning filthy rugby boots, anyone?!) and facing the repercussions himself if the tasks aren't done. Unfortunately he is seeing this as me not being nice to him and almost as a punishment though rather than a learning and gaining independence exercise. Does anyone have any suggestions for making him see doing these tasks a positive experience rather than him thinking it's a punishment?! It just creates attitude at the moment. :(

Lately, I am starting to think DS may be right when he says he thinks he has some sort of executive function problem though. He kept saying last year that he thinks he has ADHD but I thought he was just using it as an excuse for poor planning of homework and general teenage 'can't be @arsed-ness, ' but he has real trouble with timekeeping, planning and organising himself, has a real lack of focus and low attention span for tasks. I can also ask him to do something several times and he'll still forget to do it and generally doesn't mean to. I tried teaching him to cook meals and follow recipes a while ago and he was like a robot experiencing a short-circuit. It just didn't compute! He was completely overwhelmed. I'm not sure what I can do about this to help him though or who I speak to about it? Any ideas?

I hope your pain and rest is improving, DFW321. I really need to catch up with your diary, sorry.
Unfortunately public transport is not an option for DS's location next week otherwise he'd definitely be on it! I am dreading the petrol costs. At least this car is slightly better on fuel than the last one.

Yesterday was another pretty rubbish day, emotionally, although I did have a really productive day at work and got lots listed on vinted at home. I went through my wardrobe and drawers again and pulled out everything that I didn't love, hadn't worn for a long time or that I was waiting to lose weight to get into 😕 and listed what could make a few £'s and put the rest in the charity bag. I don't actually have many clothes - one single hanging rail in a wardrobe and two drawers in a chest (I keep bedding in the other two drawers as I have very little storage space), but now at least I only have things that will be worn frequently, even if they are few in number.

I packaged and posted a couple of vinted sales and have one wrapped and ready to go this morning. DS is up to around £60 and I have made £30 which will go straight to the car loan. I also returned two books ordered at the weekend which arrived but I really don't need, so that is just over £13 returned. I'll pay this off the loan instead, it will make me feel better.

The mortgage and big bills have come out today as it's 1st of the month. I had my mortgage statement last month and, as I've overpaid this past year, they've lowered the monthly payment again. I had this last year despite asking for it not to be lowered but they told me they have to do it now and I had to go through another application and 'affordability check' to keep the payment the same. That was an hour on the phone with an adviser, going through all my incomings and outgoings. I've decided not to challenge it at the moment and will scoop the extra £32.13 that would have gone to the mortgage to the loan for now. The APR is considerably higher on the loan so probably the best thing to do anyway. Once that is paid off I can concentrate on the mortgage OPs again.

Sleep was better last night but I still feel exhausted and could have done with more. No chance of the opportunity for a lie in on the horizon for me yet though. I am less tearful so far today, but we'll see how today pans out. I'll take it as a small win so far though. x

MeandO

Oh, and I'm probably going to have to go shopping AGAIN before the weekend. In 24 hours DS has eaten ALL 4 portions of the chicken pasta dish I made including the two in the freezer, plus a thick sirloin steak & veg tea, a whole BIG tub of yogurt, berries, banana, honey, eggs, sourdough, avocado (apparently also pizza and chips at school as it was all that was on offer) - you name it, it's been eaten! He's like a bottomless pit at the moment and never full for long. He also never puts on weight and is like a very tall stick! At least he's eating healthily, he doesn't eat junk. I never knew how much feeding teenage boys took though! I had beans on toast last night which didn't sit well in my stomach (sorry tmi). I can't seem to eat much at all in the evenings now.

MeandO

I just 'shopped' from home for two birthday cards for birthdays coming up next week, taken from my stash of cards bought in advance when I see them at a good price. I didn't think far enough ahead when last 'home' as could have taken them with me and saved on extortionate postage costs (I think one will be a large letter size 😒). £10 needs to go in one, luckily had £10 in my purse left over from when my Mum gave me cash for something I bought for her, so won't need to go to the cashpoint.
There's a birthday in OH's family next week. I have a card and a bottle of fizz ready. The fizz may have been re-gifted as people give it to me but I don't drink it…😁

debtfreewannabe321

We both acknowledge that we have done too much for our children as we have tried to overcompensate for their useless father and the less than perfect situation they've been brought up in. It's done out of love, but it hasn't helped long term, I know. It also makes the children (teens) take it for granted and have little respect for the parent (me) that bends over backwards and does everything for them whilst the parent who does nothing gets a gold badge when they occasionally step up. It's hard.

I could have written this. And as you know my son left last year to live with dad on his 16th pretty much. He still has little respect for me even though I did everything for him since birth to that day he left .... I just don't understand why they don't see it. My DD has seen all I do but she is quite lazy still and I and DH do most things for her. We intend to stop this though once I'm home for summer and have set some sort of cleaning rota up for us all equally....

My son's both used to eat a lot when growing....I used to make a lot of protein balls (just blended dates and coconut) and snacks things with protein in that they could munch on and always had lots of bananas around. Boys are expensive I don't care what anyone says. Make up is cheaper than buying three lots of food every week 😂😭.

liselle

Yes it’s what a friend of mine calls ‘the Old Faithful’ syndrome.Completely taken for granted.

MeandO

Thank you DFW321 and liselle x That's a very apt description, @liselle.
I think for my peace of mind I'd rather be an old faithful than like my ex though!

DFW321, I think every Mum with a narcissist of an ex can relate, unfortunately. We just try and make everything better for our babies and try and shield them from the abuse we have experienced and continue to live with even after divorce. :( I'm sure your son can see it and has realised the grass isn't greener, but is too embarrassed, ashamed or proud to admit living with his father is not all it's cracked up to be. Hopefully once he is an independent adult he will see through his father for himself, but you can rest knowing you've done all you can for him. xx

It's been a calmer 24-36 hours for us and DS and I have both calmed down and chatted about things. Hugs were even freely given by DS! 🤣❤️ I think hormones, on both our parts, are not helping with moods and the ability to stay calm, either. :(

Back to money - £8.07 was spent yesterday in HB on some bathroom cleaner (x2), a cake board and box for OH's colleague's cake I've made, some 29p/39p cake decorating supplies which I would normally have to pay £7-£10 for online 😲 and something else that I can't remember at the moment… 😁
I still haven't been to the supermarket but will need to go today as I'm almost out of milk and the fridge is looking bare. The 'not spending unnecessarily' quest has gone well this week, but there's still 3 weeks until payday so I'm conscious I still have a while to go this month yet.
Both DS and I have made a few more sales on vinted though which I need to send off today, so a little bit of money is trickling in for both of us.

I'm taking advantage of the fine weather to wash a big heavy blanket/throw that we have on a sofa and get it dried outside. DS loves it and still sat under it during the hot weather much to my dismay. He likes to be cosy!

I also have a batch of Belgian bun dough on it's second proving session in the kitchen which will be baked when ready. We have been invited to friends for food tonight so I'll be taking some homemade buns as a little gift. I had all of the ingredients in so no spend there.

Have a good day all x

foxgloves

It's such a good time to get big heavy items washed while we can peg them out & dry them for free. I've done 3 blankets & a heavy door curtain so far. Bathroom curtains & cat bedding will be next & am hoping Mr F's big winterweight hoodies manage to find their way into the laundry basket while they can be dried for now't.

debtfreewannabe321

Oooo Belgium bun recipe please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

MeandO

It’s so satisfying getting big items dried on the line isn’t it @foxgloves. That’s a great washing/drying tick list so far!

@DFW321, I’ll dig the recipe out and post it for you tomorrow. It’s a good’un!

A £43.80 OP sent to the car loan today from vinted sales, refunds and a little bit of interest.

We had a lovely evening with friends last night. They cooked a BBQ and we sat outside all evening chatting and having some laughs. I helped them with a few household diy issues that they didn’t know how to tackle, so felt useful!

It’s a really bad health day today, walking even slowly is terribly painful, but OH and I have had a nice day. We cooked a nice breakfast and sat in the garden to eat it which is always lovely. We then posted some vinted parcels and came back and tidied the garden and re-potted a few plants. I picked up a few toogoodtoogo bags so we drove to the little town a couple of miles away for those and had a browse around a few charity shops whilst we were there (nothing bought though). OH bought us a drink in the local spoons for a little rest and then we picked up some shopping and filled the car with petrol. £34 was spent with a £5 off voucher, but I did find quite a few YS items that DS will like (lots of meat!), so felt I had value for money. £57 spent on petrol.
OH has cooked us food tonight and we’ve had some treats from the too goo to go bags.

Another of DS’s vinted items has sold for £7.50 since we’ve been home so I’ve just wrapped that ready to post tomorrow.

I’m not sure what we have on tomorrow yet but DS will be home at some point so I’ll need to cook in the evening. Hopefully we also get a relaxing morning/afternoon too.