Splitting money fairly

Hi, my husband and I are having disagreements about money. He is disabled and get PIP. I work full time and we get universal credits top up. 
He keeps his PIP but I pay for all the builds and food and outings
and haircuts and clothing and everything! He is now saying he wants me to give me 300 a month for him from the universal credit/my wages. 
I think this is unfair. Then as I work as should also be able to have money to myself. We have two kids. 
He clearly want la
to keep finances separate. How can we do this fairly? Any ideas 

Comments

  • Nafta
    Nafta Posts: 41
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    edited 20 February 2023 at 11:31AM
    Hi, my husband and I are having disagreements about money. He is disabled and get PIP. I work full time and we get universal credits top up. 
    He keeps his PIP but I pay for all the bills and food and outings
    and haircuts and clothing and everything! He is now saying he wants me to give me 300 a month for him from the universal credit/my wages. 
    I think this is unfair. Then as I work I should also be able to have money to myself. We have two kids. 
    He clearly wants to keep finances separate. How can we do this fairly? Any ideas? 
  • There is no universal fair way to do it.

    Some will say take the household benefits off the monthly outgoings, and split the rest of the bills 50/50 as the one earning more deserves more.

    Some others agree with the first step but then say to split the remaining bills proportional to your respective incomes as it still leaves the higher earner with more but they can afford to pay more towards the home

    Some say pay all the bills and share the remaining monies equally

    Obviously if his disability prevents him from working (I believe you can still get PIP as a worker) some may say its not fair to penalize the fact he cannot go out and get a job etc.
  • eskbanker
    eskbanker Posts: 29,817
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    Nafta said:
    Hi, my husband and I are having disagreements about money. He is disabled and get PIP. I work full time and we get universal credits top up. 
    He keeps his PIP but I pay for all the bills and food and outings
    and haircuts and clothing and everything! He is now saying he wants me to give me 300 a month for him from the universal credit/my wages. 
    I think this is unfair. Then as I work I should also be able to have money to myself. We have two kids. 
    He clearly wants to keep finances separate. How can we do this fairly? Any ideas? 
    Even though this is arguably related to budgeting, I'd suggest that fundamentally it's a relationship one, so probably worth posting over at the board set up to "Discuss the MoneySaving implications of relationships and family life":

    https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/marriage-relationships-families
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 23,999
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    How long have you been married and how did you used to share the money out? Has your husband been disabled since you met? When you had the children and went on maternity how di you sort the finances then?. How much is his PIP and what is it currently used for? Perhaps you need to look at your finances as a whole rather than what you receive and pay out for versus what your husband receives. That doesn't necessarily mean joint accounts but a fair balance of your incomings versus your outgoings and allowing some money for each of you for personal spends
  • tacpot12
    tacpot12 Posts: 7,845
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    I would agree that you need to look at your finances as a whole, but I think the starting point is to divide your expenditure into three categories - essentials, nice-to-haves (that you both agree on) and expenditure that solely relates to your husband's disability.

    Your husband needs to pay half of the essentials (as do you). Expenditure that relates to his disability should be covered by PIP, but if they are not, then the residual might have to fall into either the essentials or the nice-to-have category, depending on how essential the expenditure is. (Really PIP should cover all of his essential expenditure that arises out of his disability.)

    His ability to pay for the essentials would appear to come mainly from Universal Credit (UC), and your ability to pay for the essentials seems to come mainly from your wages, topped up with UC. The UC claim assumes (and expects) that you wages are used to pay for the essentials that you and he need (but not those relating to his disability that should be covered by PIP. So you will have to allocate your wages and UC to paying for the essentials. If there are expenses in the nice-to-have category that you can both agree on, and there is any money left from the wage/UC pot, then these expenses can be covered. If there is still money left over from the wages/UC pot, I suggest that you should split this equally with your husband so that you both have some money that is 'yours' to do whatever you want with. 
    The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.
  • Misslayed
    Misslayed Posts: 13,982
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    Merge requested 
    I’m a Senior Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Competition Time, Site Feedback and Marriage, Relationships and Families boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing [email protected] All views are my own and not the official line of Money Saving Expert.
  • KxMx
    KxMx Posts: 10,545
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    Would it help for both of you to draw up budgets, so you can both see where all of the money is going?

    Why exactly hubby feels he needs another £300 a month as well should be discussed. 

    Then you may be able to come up with a financial plan that suits you both. 
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