School holidays and FT parents

strawb_shortcake

enzolondon1 said:

The wife has tried really hard to get him reconnected with the children from primary school.She invited a few over for several birthdays since leaving but it is never reciprocated. They live quite far as his primary school covered a very wide catchment. They are all on a whatsapp group but that's it. Such a shame. That said a few have moved to different counties and a few of the parents have separated u believe. Real shame.

I think this is quite common, all three of my children had pretty much an entire new friendship sets after moving up to secondary school. There are a couple they keep in contact with primary school but not many. 

I get they'd rather be gaming though, I'm off over half term and I just know it's going to be a battle to get them off the electronic and out the house.

pickledonionspaceraider

enzolondon1 said:

Thanks for the comments. No, I never mentioned anything about leaving DS on his own - that would never be a thing and wouldn't happen so not sure why that was mentioned. 

Because you implied this was something you were considering when you said in post 1:-  ''He's a sensible kid and we've a few good neighbours. Would you be happy leaving them at this age?' 


In answer to the OP - is YES I would, and have.
Personally, at age 13, If a teenager is showing maturity, I would be putting ground rules in place (ie not having people in the house/what to do in an emergency) and certainly expecting them to show some maturity and responsibility and be absolutely fine with this.  Yes I absolutely would leave them at home alone

If your teenager is anything like mine - they wont be getting up til near lunchtime anyway. actual time 'alone' will be much less than you think

Leaving a teenager with 80 year olds is going to be boredom for your teenager, and way too much for elderly people - not fair on either party imo - and I wouldn't even consider this for a mature teenager.  

I dont agree with 13 year olds being called children per se, they are teenagers, young people who are maturing into adults. To call them children is a bit patronising imo, although I realise it is the legal term, it doesn't really give them any justice for the maturity and promise they hold.  At 13 I certainly did not feel like a child and i begrudged if i heard myself classed as one

This thread is called 'school holidays and FT parents' -  your wife isn't working full time so things aren't that bad - things will work out - show some faith in your teenager, as if they are mature you don't need 'childcare' for them. 

It is a hard age, cos we might stil think of them as kids but we need to show some faith and hand over some responsibility to them - as this will build them into better adults.  

Flugelhorn

8-2 as a teenager at secondary school - yes I would leave them

liney

So realistically what time will he even get out of bed ? He’s going to alone for less than 5 hours, and will probably still be asleep for a proportion of it. Arrange a phone call at break time/lunch time and make sure he’s got an emergency contact. He’ll be fine. 

Spendless

pickledonionspaceraider said:

enzolondon1 said:

Thanks for the comments. No, I never mentioned anything about leaving DS on his own - that would never be a thing and wouldn't happen so not sure why that was mentioned. 

Because you implied this was something you were considering when you said in post 1:-  ''He's a sensible kid and we've a few good neighbours. Would you be happy leaving them at this age?' 


In answer to the OP - is YES I would, and have.
Personally, at age 13, If a teenager is showing maturity, I would be putting ground rules in place (ie not having people in the house/what to do in an emergency) and certainly expecting them to show some maturity and responsibility and be absolutely fine with this.  Yes I absolutely would leave them at home alone

If your teenager is anything like mine - they wont be getting up til near lunchtime anyway. actual time 'alone' will be much less than you think

Leaving a teenager with 80 year olds is going to be boredom for your teenager, and way too much for elderly people - not fair on either party imo - and I wouldn't even consider this for a mature teenager.  

I dont agree with 13 year olds being called children per se, they are teenagers, young people who are maturing into adults. To call them children is a bit patronising imo, although I realise it is the legal term, it doesn't really give them any justice for the maturity and promise they hold.  At 13 I certainly did not feel like a child and i begrudged if i heard myself classed as one

This thread is called 'school holidays and FT parents' -  your wife isn't working full time so things aren't that bad - things will work out - show some faith in your teenager, as if they are mature you don't need 'childcare' for them. 

It is a hard age, cos we might stil think of them as kids but we need to show some faith and hand over some responsibility to them - as this will build them into better adults.  

No, he's replying to my comment asking if he'd changed his post, because more than one reply mentioned not leaving them o/night. As I couldn't see anything that indicated he'd asked about leaving child o/night, I asked if he'd originally asked about it or if I'd misunderstood the hours of 8-2 as being a night shift rather than the morning-early afternoon I thought he meant. His answer should have read 'No, I never mentioned anything about leaving DS on his own (overnight) - that would never be a thing. 

theoretica

Is he allowed out on his own?  Travelling to school, wandering round town?  Would seem strange to me to say he could be out by himself but not at home by himself.

That said, I would be a bit concerned about loneliness if it were days in a row - even if he likes gaming in his room it feels different when there is noone around or there for lunch.  Are there local summer activities/courses/sports/camps he might be persuaded to take part in?

Savvy_Sue

liney said:

So realistically what time will he even get out of bed ? He’s going to alone for less than 5 hours, and will probably still be asleep for a proportion of it. Arrange a phone call at break time/lunch time and make sure he’s got an emergency contact. He’ll be fine. 

Yes, just remembered mine were supposed to phone me when they woke up / emerged from their bedrooms. Of course it depends if you / your wife are OK receiving random phone calls during the day ... 

Another thing, could he travel to meet either of you for lunch occasionally? Are you near a library or similar attraction? (Mine were mad keen on Games Workshop at that age: they'd have cheerfully spent all afternoon in our local branches ...)

Spendless

theoretica said:

That said, I would be a bit concerned about loneliness if it were days in a row - even if he likes gaming in his room it feels different when there is noone around or there for lunch.  Are there local summer activities/courses/sports/camps he might be persuaded to take part in?

Most of the time this didn't work with mine once they reached the Secondary school years and formal childcare no longer an option, because child even at this age had to be taken and signed in and out by an adult, and the activities start/finish times were at the same times I needed to be at work. If the OP and his wife can juggle those between them too it's possibly an option, if son is interested. DD at 14 was able to make her own way to her drama group's summer school but that's because she attended classes there weekly and the teachers knew both me and her well, rather than it being just a holiday activity.   

onomatopoeia99

My parents left me and my brother from when I was 13 and he was 11.  They both worked at the same factory and we lived literally outside the factory gate so they came home for lunch. A year or so later we moved about 10m walk away but they still came home at lunchtime.  To be honest I would spend all day either reading or typing away at my computer writing programs as a teenager so didn't exactly give them a lot of trouble.

pinkshoes

My DS1 would be fine left 8am til 2pm. He is 12 and in Y7.

But... I wouldn't leave him on his own for consecutive days. It would not be fun or healthy for him. I'd find some activity club where he could meet people his own age and have a laugh at least every other day.