Party wall tree help

funkyfifi

hope this is OK to post, and I'm newly also under party wall surveyors..... But I'm really feeling  sad & wondered if anyone had been through similar?
I've recently inherited my Mums house (my childhood home) after she sadly passed away 💔 I've moved here with the kids....and it's an emotionally charged time.....keeping stuff that she loved is super important to me in her memory..... 
House next door (semi detached) sold at roughly the same time and I'm having problems....
New neighbours have drilled into shared chimney breasts with an electric breaker and caused damage, lied over and over, gaslighted me, half built a giant rear loft dormer covering my stuff in dust through holes in the dividing wall, but have now had to halt due to me insisting on a party wall agreement which they said they didnt need on multiple occasions. They're so mad with me and I hate it.... I'm just trying to preserve my memories and home... 
I want to work with them because I have to live here, and I HATE any kind of conflict.... but.....
My biggest issue is in the photos
This holly tree has been part of my childhood for years (I'm 43 now) the Robins nest in there every year and the birds love it....its so beautiful and mature... Mum and I sat watching for hours....and trimmed it together every year

..... 
They've now requested access to my garden to build a 6m kitchen extension which has passed permitted development. If it needed planning permission, they ask about trees, but not with PD apparently.... 
It involves taking down fences too...... And is built right up to the boundary which is the fence on the photo 🥺
We have our own surveyor, and trying to draw up an award as we speak, which will include this tree but has anyone been in this position? I REALLY am not emotionally ready to agree to it going and they've not once mentioned my tree.... And had no respect for anything of mine previously ❤️ pretty sure they were just gonna bulldoze it down after id said it was ok.... 🥺
Not meeting the surveyors until Tuesday and it's making me so anxious.......any good ideas for questions I could ask please or any advice?, xxx 

Doozergirl

I believe that some grief counselling and therapy would be helpful to you. 

I'm not going to expect you to be in the most rational state of mind,
because something awful has happened to you.   This isn't all
about the building work,
it's mostly about your state of mind.  

Someone else lives in my childhood home now.  My family didn't own it.  I don't have access to it and it looks quite different.   It doesn't take away any of my memories or the love that I had with my family.  

People are going to be people, you can't seek to control them.  We can't keep anything the same.  Some of the things we lose, like parents, are devastating.  Some
things, like building work next door, actually don't matter and you have to breathe through it and make your own changes.  

It might be time to plant a new holly tree somewhere that isn't on a boundary.    Put your energy somewhere positive.  

There's no rational conflict here.  It's not your tree.  You are going to have to let it go.  Your memories are not in the tree.  They are yours, no one can take them.  

ThisIsWeird

Hi Funky.

Well done for arranging your own surveyor. Usually this isn't necessary, but it does sound as tho' your neighb's presumptuous behaviour has made it a sensible move in this case, so I hope their double-bill for the PWA gives them some pause. 

The holly tree - is it on the boundary, or clearly on one side or the other? I'm guessing, from what you say, it's on yours? I simply don't know what 'rights' you have - I think there's every chance that if they dig a foundation right up to the boundary - and the actual found will likely pass under it - the holly tree will be badly affected. I simply don't know if that's an adequate reason to refuse the work - I suspect not, but I don't know. Your surveyor should know, and another forum worth joining is 'gardenlaw' for advice.

But, assuming that it could well be hurt in this process, I wonder if there's any chance your neighb and their builders will agree to have it moved to a different position in your garden? Again I have to add that I simply do not know if that is practical, or achievable. But in the interests of trying to make the whole building process as painless as possible, it could be a mutually beneficial compromise?

This is clearly the worst time for you to be having this additional stress, and I hope you will find peace in the family home again before too long. It's going to be hard while this work is going on, of course, but please try and separate out in your mind what is 'normal' building activity - an extension being built next door, which is happening in countless homes around the country right now, and which folk have a right to do - and the understandable emotion of your recent loss. Try your best to not let the former add to the latter, or the latter affect or influence the former; the build is going to happen, and I think you might find it less stressful to seek these compromises if possible. I'm sure it will simply 'feel' better for you longer term.

Best wishes, TiW.

Auti

Can you take cuttings of the holly tree? Sorry I am not a gardener but googling might give you the info. You can nurture them ( if you can I would take many) and start your own story from the strength of the past (original tree) - a future story/memory.  Moving the original tree may be an option - again google or ask at garden centre. Life sucks sometimes but from the pain good things can come - you are doing amazing even though it might not feel like it now - big hug and keep letting us know how it is going I have bookmarked the post

FreeBear

Auti said: Can you take cuttings of the holly tree? Sorry I am not a gardener but googling might give you the info.

Propagating from cuttings would be my choice too. The OP has a female tree there (males don't have the little red berries). Being a fairly quick growing tree, it shouldn't take long for a cutting to get to a decent size.

Winter is the recommended time to take hardwood cuttings, so I'd nip out today and snip a few off. Also try air layering a larger stem, and if it takes, you'll have a decent sized plant from the get-go.

macman

I'm confused. You refer to this as 'my tree', but it appears to be in their garden? So whose is it? If it's theirs. they can prune it, or remove it, unless it's in a CA, or has a TPO on it.
If it is their tree, then it's not going to form any part of the schedule in  PWA.

Section62

macman said:

You refer to this as 'my tree', but it appears to be in their garden?

Not 100% sure, but I think I can see the trunk on the Op's side of the fence.

The issue here will be how much of the root system is on each side of the fence, and how much would be left after the neighbours footings have been dug.

Brie

When you're talking to the surveyor or that gardenlaw group someone recommended ask if a tree can be moved if a robin is nesting in it.  I know that around here (south coast) that any pruning/removal doesn't happen until after nesting season has finished except in emergency cases (tree damaged and threatening injuries etc).  This might just delay things but will give you a chance to come to grips with the situation, establish a new holly somewhere etc.

funkyfifi

ThisIsWeird said:

Hi Funky.

Well done for arranging your own surveyor. Usually this isn't necessary, but it does sound as tho' your neighb's presumptuous behaviour has made it a sensible move in this case, so I hope their double-bill for the PWA gives them some pause. 

The holly tree - is it on the boundary, or clearly on one side or the other? I'm guessing, from what you say, it's on yours? I simply don't know what 'rights' you have - I think there's every chance that if they dig a foundation right up to the boundary - and the actual found will likely pass under it - the holly tree will be badly affected. I simply don't know if that's an adequate reason to refuse the work - I suspect not, but I don't know. Your surveyor should know, and another forum worth joining is 'gardenlaw' for advice.

But, assuming that it could well be hurt in this process, I wonder if there's any chance your neighb and their builders will agree to have it moved to a different position in your garden? Again I have to add that I simply do not know if that is practical, or achievable. But in the interests of trying to make the whole building process as painless as possible, it could be a mutually beneficial compromise?

This is clearly the worst time for you to be having this additional stress, and I hope you will find peace in the family home again before too long. It's going to be hard while this work is going on, of course, but please try and separate out in your mind what is 'normal' building activity - an extension being built next door, which is happening in countless homes around the country right now, and which folk have a right to do - and the understandable emotion of your recent loss. Try your best to not let the former add to the latter, or the latter affect or influence the former; the build is going to happen, and I think you might find it less stressful to seek these compromises if possible. I'm sure it will simply 'feel' better for you longer term.

Best wishes, TiW.

Thank you so much for your kind words, yes the tree and trunk are all on my side, in front of the fence..... But obviously they need to remove the fence just behind it so they can build right up to that boundary xxx I guess I'd be OK with moving it if it could be done, but I'm honestly not sure on the logistics of that x

funkyfifi

macman said:

I'm confused. You refer to this as 'my tree', but it appears to be in their garden? So whose is it? If it's theirs. they can prune it, or remove it, unless it's in a CA, or has a TPO on it.
If it is their tree, then it's not going to form any part of the schedule in  PWA.

The visible part of the tree is wholly in my garden xx

funkyfifi

Doozergirl said:

I believe that some grief counselling and therapy would be helpful to you. 

I'm not going to expect you to be in the most rational state of mind,
because something awful has happened to you.   This isn't all
about the building work,
it's mostly about your state of mind.  

Someone else lives in my childhood home now.  My family didn't own it.  I don't have access to it and it looks quite different.   It doesn't take away any of my memories or the love that I had with my family.  

People are going to be people, you can't seek to control them.  We can't keep anything the same.  Some of the things we lose, like parents, are devastating.  Some
things, like building work next door, actually don't matter and you have to breathe through it and make your own changes.  

It might be time to plant a new holly tree somewhere that isn't on a boundary.    Put your energy somewhere positive.  

There's no rational conflict here.  It's not your tree.  You are going to have to let it go.  Your memories are not in the tree.  They are yours, no one can take them.  

Thank you for this...... I am actually having bereavement counselling. I've put up with so much from the new neighbours already and been really accommodating, but this tree has upset me so badly..... It was Mums favourite thing in the garden and we'd sit for ages watching the birds and stuff.... It just seems so sad and wrong that a mature tree can just be done away with without any regard for it. They'd have had it factored into a planning decision if the extension needed planning. I hate any trees being cut down anyway as a general rule, and I just wanted advice on whether there was anything I could do.
And technically it is my tree I guess, but totally understand what you're saying xxxx