Relationship breakdown-renting-buying

J1one

I’m posting this with trepidation, after reading a very similar thread but still, I’m a big girl I can hear both sides. 

My relationship of 11y has broken down. We have one child together. I haven’t been working full time until last year, having been part time to facilitate nursery/school runs etc 

I have sold my car and most things I can to provide a £10k house deposit as I would like to buy. This has tanked over recent days as all mortgage/financial advisors have told me I don’t have enough salary to do so. 

I am still in the family home at present. Graciously allowed by ex. The question I have is should I rent for 6m - 12m in the Hope that 
a) interest rates will become more favourable 

b)I will get a promotion (this is almost certain) 

c) tax credits et Al will kick in and bolster affordability 

or should I try and stick it out here for longer? We are both dreadfully unhappy but it is not volatile in the slightest so is safe for both of us. 

I really do want to buy, I’ve been so dependant on another for so long that I’d like to be standing on my own two feet. Plus I am really very ashamed at the breakdown and I feel
hugely embarrassed for my child that I will be offering her a crap life compared to the one we have (ex is very well off, house is huge) , so pride makes me want to at least own my new crap house rather than rent one long term.

Should say, I don’t have any family
i could move in with. 

I just want to make an intelligent financial decision for once amidst a really testing time. So your help would be so appreciated 

Flugelhorn

Any chance that  the well off soon to be ex could help out with more deposit etc etc as help for his child?

really hard to know what to do - renting is not easy and makes saving hard  but staying will also be stressful 

mi-key

To address a few of your points

a) interest rates will become more favourable - unlikely, they will probably go up again, and lending rates may go up a small amount, but very unlikely they are going to drop significantly for at least the next 2 years

b)I will get a promotion (this is almost certain) - you can't really rely on that as it may not happen

So sadly unless your income does drastically change, then it doesn't look as though you will be able to buy at the moment, unless the ex was willing to help you out. I assume your child will be living with you mainly when you move out? If so he may want to make sure his child has a nice safe home to live in when he is with you if he is well off enough to afford to help ?

How far away with your current salary are you from being able to buy? It may be worth looking at help to buy schemes as well as that could be an option

_Penny_Dreadful

Is the current property in joint name’s or just your ex’s? Are you married or just cohabiting? 

J1one

My salary is £26k inc bonuses and commission
id say I need it to be around £30-35 in order to get a fixer upper which isn’t what I want but hey beggars and choosers ..

help to buy leaves me £70k off, the house builder financial advisor told me (on an 80/20 split) so he suggested home buy (70/30) but he really pushed affordable housing. Which he said was more like 50/50 split. 

I am not married and ex’s house is all his No mortgage. He has a substantial amount in his CA (40k) but I am under no illusion that he will be forthcoming with anything at all. Any time I’ve asked for help he’s flown off the handle that I’m only after money. So I think that might be best left alone for the sake of not rocking the boat. I am helped by the fact I’ve been allowed to stay so this is perhaps more than I’m deserving of anyway.

MFWannabe

The amount you can borrow is approx 4.5 x salary 
Not sure how much properties are in your area? 

How much are properties to rent? Would you still be able to save while renting? This would at least take you out of current living situation and give you chance to get benefits etc set up. Also child maintenance from ex. 

Have you and ex had discussions reference child maintenance, where you’re going to live with his child? Without it turning into an argument about you’re just after money? 

SecondStar

Not sure what you mean when you mention tax credits?

No one is able to make any new claims for working tax credits or child tax credits - haven’t been able to for a few years now.

You’ll need to look at universal credit for any financial assistance.

Flugelhorn

I would have thought that the STBX would end up paying a reasonable amount of child maintenance which could go towards helping with your living expenses elsewhere. 

Appreciate you don't want to rock the boat but he needs to realise that he doesn;t have to pay you anything but has responsibility towards your child. am sure there are some calculators somewhere

J1one

Sorry I mean universal credit. 

The FA told me H2B don’t take any child related things into account, but homeboy and other lenders do. 

I would have liked to be fair and fluid with where my child stays but unless I get a large portion of help, I won’t be able to afford to live within reasonable distance of her dad. The maintenance issue is really up in the air. I doubt she’ll want to live with me too much if I have to live far away from her friends and school. So I might not end up actually having her with me as much as I’d like. I guess it is better for her to be with her father more as he has more money for her and is right by her school and friends. Whilst he is an excellent dad he is going to be the type that will scrap over money, so I’ll only ever get the bear minimum I’m allowed  and that’s for sure. 

Rents for a two bed are around £700pcm. It won’t leave me able to save a lot more I don’t think but I should be able to scrape by on my salary without touching my deposit I have currently saved. 

MFWannabe

How much are properties to buy? 

I think the first thing you need to do is sit down and have a discussion with ex reference child; make a decision where child will live and any shared custody etc. He may be getting angry thinking you’re going to be taking his child away; maybe if you have the discussion it’ll put his mind to rest especially if you both decide child will live with father majority of the time 
then you can make decisions where to live etc 

_Penny_Dreadful

Who has been the primary care giver so far? It sounds like you unless your ex has also been working part time to facilitate nursery and school runs.  That being the case it’s entirely reasonable that you continue to be the primary care giver. 

I think in your situation I would move into a private rental and then once I had my promotion and saw how my finances were going as a single parent revisit the idea of buying.  

Whilst the property is solely in your ex’s name have you ever contributed to the capital of the property? I know there’s no mortgage but have you ever contributed towards the cost of installing a new kitchen or similar to the property? 

The reason people like you ex has £40k sitting in a current account is because he’s tighter then two coats of paint.