Money Moral Dilemma: Should I use the birthday present I got my friend?

Jacqu

I'm amazed at some of these answers.

1. People annoyed at you for not buying your friend something she wanted to use - this is not your problem. I'm sure you tried your best to get her something thoughtful, it isn't your fault if she didn't use it. Like others have said though, maybe you could have bought 2 vouchers and gone together?  Some people wouldn't want to go alone.

2. People saying you should use it and replace it or buy something else instead - no way. It was a gift that wasn't used. It's the though that that counts. Imagine every gift you've had you didn't like - you're polite about it and pass it on etc. You don't expect to then be given an alternative present.

3. I don't think it's weird that you checked the gift card. You put time and effort into choosing the gift I presume, so you have an interest into whether they made use of it.

I'd just message your friend and say something like you're planning to go to the distillery and maybe look for another voucher. Did she ever use her voucher? Hopefully she'll say something like she forgot about it and let you use it. She probably didn't want to go alone as others have said.

Cambsmum

She is a friend so have a conversation first! She might have passed it on to someone else. Ask her if you can use it.

annieshb

I don’t understand why you don’t simply speak to your friend.
say you are aware voucher will expire and so is it okay with her if you use it and get her something else.
seems to me the most sensible approach and can’t understand why you have a meal dilemma🤷‍♀️

GazzaMagoo

REJP said:

Where is the dilemma?   If she doesn't use it you have wasted money.
OP states friend will not be back in time to use it, so it makes sense to either use it or ask the distillery if they do refunds.
As the saying goes"Use it or lose it."

ABsolutely, AKA a NO-brainer

Virgo21

If she hasnt already used it, suggest to your friend, as it will run out whilst she is away, would she like the money you paid for the gift,  that way she still gets a gift and so do you! 

onesixfive

Ed264 said:

Two points to consider here. Was the voucher valid for only one person? If so, she might not have wanted to go alone to a gin distillery, which explains why it hasn't been used. Secondly, will the distillery consider extending the voucher? If so, ask your friend if she intends to go if it's valid when she returns. 

If there's no chance that your friend will go, yes I think it's reasonable for you to use the voucher rather than it be wasted.

Also consider your friend may already have extended the voucher knowing she would be out of the country... 

liz_189

It was a gift . You gave it away. it's neither yours nor any of your business any more. 

 From that moment it was no longer yours. I would say email or no email unless you asked me specifically I would find you logging in and checking up on me on something that is now legally mine a gross intrusion of my privacy. 

If you have the kind of relationship where you could have asked her straight to her face had she used the voucher then fair enough and taken it from there as to what to do now . But checking behind her back was way out of line .

I am sure you understand your relationship better than I do and ypu know if she would be ok with this....but I wouldn't 

ouraggie

Not weird at all to check whether she’d used it. It is normal curiosity. If you buy someone a vase/scarf/book etc, probably you will later observe whether they display/wear/read it. 

I would just email the friend on some other pretext, then say „ by the way, i got an email from wowcher reminding me that the gin voucher is about to expire….” . Then suggest you use it as she can’t and buy her an alternative gift.

squirrel59

Absolutely. Would be a waste not to. And you can buy your friend something else, or take her put to lunch or something.

tain

If the tour is with one of the main gift providers, you may be able to rebook a different experience and get a new expiry date (I think) if you book it in beyond the earlier expiry date.