Relationship Breakdown

David487

Good morning! I'd be grateful for some advice please to do with the division of things after a relationship breakdown. I had been living with my ex-partner between Feb 2021 and Mar 2022, in her house, when she decided that it might be best if I moved out but we kept on seeing each other. So I moved out, we continued to see one another and eventually she started letting me stay over again, with a view to me moving back in, but that kept getting moved and has done now for a number of months.

Not knowing what's happening, or why, has been causing me a huge amount of stress and anxiety as, when I ask her why not / what's happening / what do I need to do, she either simply blanks me for a few weeks or just says that she's not sure. So I've decided that I really can't keep doing this as where I am is a shared house and it's not a good environment. I'm in a shared house as she wanted me to leave my furniture at her house as she's maxed out with the mortgage and can't afford any of her own.

I know I am entitled to reclaim my furniture and belongings, but my query is what about things that I paid for that have gone into her house? For example, I have paid for two fitted wardrobes (c£5000), all of the lights (c£1000) and blinds (c£500) and she has contributed nil to them, so am I able to reclaim anything from her? I'm not unreasonable enough to remove the wardrobes and dispose of them, but feel somewhat upset that she can simply say 'bye' and take them. I've also paid part of her mortgage when I was living there, paid off her student loan and part of one of her many credit cards - I know I'll never see that again, and I'm cool with that, but the physical things are somewhat annoying.

Sorry if this has sounded like a bit of a rant but I've just been messed around by her for nearly a year and it's not helping me.

GiantTCR

The best thing to do is ask for a solicitor's advice and he'd be able to help you define how much you can get. Since you contributed to making a house a home, you should be entitled to something.

Anyways, ask a lawyer and try to squeeze as much as you can out of her. That's what she would do if the tables were turned

Tucosalamanca

she's maxed out with the mortgage and can't afford any of her own.

It sounds like you're on a hiding to nothing if you try to reclaim anything from her.

I hope that you can get your furniture and belongings back (possibly won't be straightforward) and draw a line under it.

My advice, learn the lesson and move on. Life's too short for this to drag you down. Good luck for the future.

David487

GiantTCR said:

The best thing to do is ask for a solicitor's advice and he'd be able to help you define how much you can get. Since you contributed to making a house a home, you should be entitled to something.

Anyways, ask a lawyer and try to squeeze as much as you can out of her. That's what she would do if the tables were turned

Thanks GiantTCR! I had been hoping to avoid that as she is useless with money, hence me bailing her out for student loan and one of her credit cards, she has no money. So part of me would hate to make her homeless potentially or force a sale as she's on H2B and would have an early repayment to pay.

GiantTCR

David487 said:

GiantTCR said:

The best thing to do is ask for a solicitor's advice and he'd be able to help you define how much you can get. Since you contributed to making a house a home, you should be entitled to something.

Anyways, ask a lawyer and try to squeeze as much as you can out of her. That's what she would do if the tables were turned

Thanks GiantTCR! I had been hoping to avoid that as she is useless with money, hence me bailing her out for student loan and one of her credit cards, she has no money. So part of me would hate to make her homeless potentially or force a sale as she's on H2B and would have an early repayment to pay.

I understand. Just ask yourself: what would she do if the tables were turned? Would she be so generous and forgiving with you if she paid for furniture and bailed you out when in financial troubles and you paid her back by kicking her out of the house?

gwynlas

You can either chalk it up to experience and move on or make a claim for the costs of items you can prove you paid for such as fitted wardrobes. If she cannot pay you could put a charge on the property. She could rent out a room to raise additional money is she chooses to. You will have to write off the money you used to pay off her debts as that was you being overly generous in anticipation of a long relationship.

_Penny_Dreadful

I think you will need to chalk most of this up to experience.  You've learned the hard way that repaying the debts of someone who is crap with money is pointless and the money would have been better off remaining in your pocket.

To make a claim on the property for the one year of mortgage payments and capital expenditure you'd need to go to court using

section 14 of the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996 to try and establish that you have a beneficial interest in the property.  I can't say how successful you'd be after just one year of living in the property during a tumultuous relationship.

saveallmymoney

Good advice here to chalk it up to experience.

Be more careful in future relationships and vet your partners more carefully, the bad with money was a big red flag.

David487

Thanks @gwynlas and @_Penny_Dreadful. I'm not looking to recoup the money that I paid as rent as it's only fair that I paid something. I also know that I can't get anything back for the gifts of money to pay off her student loan / credit card.

But I would like to recoup some, if not all, of the money for the fitted wardrobes certainly as they have added value on to the house which she alone will benefit from. I will speak to a solicitor and try to find out where I stand.

David487

And it's only become noticeable that she's rubbish with money since I moved out, as when we lived together we kept a rein on spending, whereas since she's missed council tax payments, has taken out credit card after credit card, got a bigger car on PCP and so forth. We're very much different, I abhor debt, yet she doesn't care as, in her own words, what can they do.... But they can do lots, although I think she's extremely daft.

Clive_Woody

Some good advice already. You could chase her through the courts, try and force a sale, but ultimately this will come with significant costs and potentially any money gained will end up in the pockets of a lawyer.