Giving Up/Cutting Down Alcohol Thread part 18

maman

7/10 AFDs please @cathybird

That's for yesterday and today. 

cathybird

September AFD challenge

7 days =

14 days =

21 days =

28 days =

Target reached =

Target beaten =

Entire month =

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September targets

AllNightDiner TF 

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Arkers TF 

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BlueJ94 29 

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cathybird 11/21 

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CuppaTea 2/TF 

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dustydigger 24 

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lantanna 6/15  

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leftatthetrafficlights 4/24 

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maggiem 1/15  

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maman 7/10 

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marahouti 12/25 

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MissMaud 1/25 

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oceandreamer 7/10 

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PriceySOS 23 

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RobM99 8/29  

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satchmo1 8/14  

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Season of Mist 6/30  

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Shaggydoo 1/16    

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Shrewbie 10/30  

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sukeyboo 6/10  

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tiddles 4/25  

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Watty1 11/23  

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WBF 5/14  

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🌞 🌞  Newcomers welcome! 🌞 🌞

cathybird

September results updated here

satchmo1

8/14 for me today please.

marahouti

12/25 please cathybird. Thank you. X

sukeyboo

Need help - had enough of my my life the way it is - so sorry to come on here but I don’t know where else to turn 😢😢😢

Season_of_Mist

Sorry to hear that sukeyboo - can you tell us what’s happening?

sukeyboo

It’s so hard to admit but I am living with an abusive partner - not always physically but has been on occasions 😔. It’s the mental abuse that I am struggling with - he is so controlling and lately it has got so much worse. I know I shouldn’t be putting this out on here but he has cut me off from all my RL friends.

Watty1

Declaring early for tonight 11/23

@sukeyboo  please pm me if you want too.  And if you don't then that is ok too.  I have lots of suggestions I can make or I can just listen /read.  

Last year I got an occupation order and injunction in the family courts on the grounds of domestic abuse. In my case there was no  physical violence but I was a shadow of the woman I once was because of him.  I promise you there is a lot of help out there and I really really want you to be able to get some.  As a starting point can you call Womens Aid?  They will put you in touch with an organisation in your area that can and will help.  If you can't away from him to call Women's Aid PM me and I will do it for you.  My local Women's Aid runs drop in centres. You can find the details of them on line (but please before you do that learn how to delete your recent search history).  The first time I went to a Drop In Centre my ex thought I had gone to a work related event (or shopping I can't remember which).

If you are not ready to leave yet, and that is ok, there are still supports available.  I promise reaching out for help does not mean you have to live immediately but I do want you to feel some support for your situation.  Womens Aid rung something called The Freedom Programme (I've done it and think EVERY woman and girl should do that) which is free.  You wont have to do it but it might help at some point. 

Practical points:  please can you find your passport and put it somewhere safe so you can always prove your identity.  Then can you find and hide some cash you always have access to easily?  Or at least always keep a little cash in your purse?  Always know where your car keys are, maybe start a new habit of keeping car keys by a door and always always keep your phone charged up.  Do you know your neighbours?  One of mine was just the best support possible but I didn't even like her before I told her what was going on.   You may need to knock on a door late at night so say hello to the neighbours now so you can maybe do that.  

Goodness I can go on - this is a topic I feel really strongly about -  I'm on this thread because I started drinking to cope with my life.   If I can help you in any way I will.   You really are not alone.

I have a friend how lived in a refuge for a while. I was offered a place but couldn't take it because of my horses but my friend found the refuge a wonderful start for her new life.     Reach out. Please.

Season_of_Mist

Am so sorry to hear that sukeyboo, nobody should suffer abuse from a partner and you deserve so much better than this situation. 

As none of us know you in RL this is a safe place to talk about what’s happening if it helps. We don’t know about your situation so should probably avoid the temptation to offer ‘solutions’ that may not be appropriate for you. Could I just say though that there are support organisations you can talk to (anonymously if needed). Also, if there has been physical abuse you do need to consider your own safety. Reporting it to the police may or may not be the right thing for you, but if you do need to do that, all forces have an overriding obligation to prevent abuse against women & girls, they will respond sympathetically, and there are effective measures that can be put in place to protect you from further abuse. Of course that may not be right for your situation, but if you do need to report it officially, the police must and will respond. If you feel threatened just call 999.

Would it help to talk about how long this has been happening, and if there are triggers or flashpoints that make it worse? 

We’re here to listen if it helps - please please stay with us.