Divorce bill

eira

See what you can do re the house without a divorce-talk to your mortgage company/make sure your finances are 'divorced' and that you take out any loans/cards etc you might think you need now. Do you have a job ? Find out what the pension situation is . You can do this yourself-and the free legal helplines that come with a lot of house insurances can be helpful.

Divorce solves nothing -get the finances straight/ protect yourself-someone can hang on for 5 years if they want to postpone a divorce. Separation starts from the day you don't live together (but if someone comes back the 5 years can start again from that date). Unless you examine the finances carefully you could end up worse off after a divorce (one side effect is that insurance premiums can go up !)

Visit the site suggested and subscribe to the newsletter-follow the golden rules suggested. Draw up a list of income/assets joint and shared before anything else. You can do this a lot more easily before the blood really spreads in the water- and the shark sizes get bigger if one of the divorcing parties gets together with a serial monogamist.Such people know down to the last comma and penny exactly how to extract every ounce of flesh.

I know this sound alarmist but horrible though it all is if you quietly and thoroughly go through the finances first it saves a whole bundle of grief-and you can do this yourself. This applies even more if there are children involved. My experience has been a lot worse than most and I would like to think it's a one off-but alas it isn't

wannabe

Thank you so much. I am really grateful that we do not have children. I can imagine that his mum will be priming him to take my blood, she never liked me anyway. I know that I can take on the mortgage but he is not willing to let me buy him out. I want to be shot of him for good now. I can't even bear to look at him anymore as I don't see the man I fell for I see the images of him and feel all the pain again. He will pull the 2 second tears and blame me for the divorce and tell me how he is in a bad place and then I end up feeling sorry for him and wonder if I am doing the right thing. I am so much stronger when I am away from him.
God I wish it wasn't Christmas as well.

ailuro2

Since the housing market is slowing down, couldn't you leave him in the house and buy another for yourself, or force a sale on the house and buy another.

Many years ago when I split up with a partner it was easier to leave him in the home and start afresh, even though it meant leaving a lot of things behind, and all the work I'd put into the house etc. It meant starting over, but in the end it was worth it- I wasn't to blame for us splitting up, his alcoholism was, I'm very glad I got out before marriage was involved. He dragged his heels at the solicitors and it took months to get myself removed from the mortgage, but I did eventually.

If I hadn't left I would be as wonderfully happy as I am these days.:D

Good Luck.

D_e_n_i_s_e

i reckon both of you need time apart. its only in October you found out. i wouldnt do anything regarding the divorce issue yet as its too soon. perosnally i reckon you need to clear the air, go on a holiday get away for a while, and then have a good think whilst you are away from it all.

noonesperfect

Yep, down rush into anything. Give it time for things to calm down before you act. I thought once we got divorced that would be it, but the pain does go on long, long after.

My experience of divorce lawyers was a very expensive one. I wish I'd had this forum for advice when I went thru' mine.
It's in their interests to wind you both up and make things more difficult between you.
I turned up to financial court hearing to find a barrister had been appointed!!
They cost about £500 per hour :eek: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Bossyboots

noonesperfect wrote: »

Yep, down rush into anything. Give it time for things to calm down before you act. I thought once we got divorced that would be it, but the pain does go on long, long after.

My experience of divorce lawyers was a very expensive one. I wish I'd had this forum for advice when I went thru' mine.
It's in their interests to wind you both up and make things more difficult between you.
I turned up to financial court hearing to find a barrister had been appointed!!
They cost about £500 per hour :eek: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Your solicitor should have agreed a fixed fee with the barrister which is usually cheaper than going themselves. Unfortunately that fee is usually payable whether the hearing takes the expected time or runs short so it can mean the hourly rate is higher on the day. However, if they spent twice as long at court as expected their hourly rate would be lower. Using a barrister is usually cheaper than using your solicitor if the solicitor has a fair way to travel to the court and the hearing is going to last all day.

noonesperfect

Bossyboots wrote: »

Your solicitor should have agreed a fixed fee with the barrister which is usually cheaper than going themselves. Unfortunately that fee is usually payable whether the hearing takes the expected time or runs short so it can mean the hourly rate is higher on the day. However, if they spent twice as long at court as expected their hourly rate would be lower. Using a barrister is usually cheaper than using your solicitor if the solicitor has a fair way to travel to the court and the hearing is going to last all day.

I was the one who had to travel! the solicitor was less than a mile from the courts. She may have arranged a fixed fee with the barrister, but he alone cost me the thick end of £1200, and frankly I don't think he earned his dosh.
I can't remember how long the hearing went on for, but no more than a couple of hours at most.

margaretclare

When my DH got divorced 10 years ago we were told (by the solicitor) that a divorce is almost never contested nowadays. What would be the point? For one party to have moved out on the other party is evidence enough that the marriage has 'irretrievably broken down' and that's all that you have to prove.

DH could have been divorced much quicker only his ex changed her mind several times, went to 2 different solicitors, tried to get a 'judicial separation' rather than a divorce, wanted all sorts, wanted him to keep paying her financial support for life, wanted the matrimonial home but wanted him to keep paying the mortgage, ran up costs by throwing in all kinds of red herrings, thinking he'd have to pay costs. In the end she got the home plus her paying the mortgage, didn't get her claws into his annuity, didn't get all the costs awarded against him because the judge said she had caused unnecessary delay and avoidable expense. With mature people and no children, the whole thing could have been sorted out much earlier. So she ended up looking a bit foolish.

Margaret