Find the SecondStar and soar, and then straight on till the morning…

SecondStar

At the end of the working day today: my partner did a much better job at putting the shed roof on straight, with me directing from the ground; I got a crash course on using the mitre saw, and together we cut and hung 20m of trellis(!) which is looking fabulous; I refelted the shed roof after my partner headed home; I cleaned out the chooks and the bunny; all of the loose wire, scrap wood, and general untidy gubbins has been hidden behind the shed where it belongs, and the rest of the garden is looking peaceful.

The hens ate out of my hand! They weren’t sure at first but when they realised that mealworms are tasty, they’ve been keen. I’ve been able to get in a few subtle tummy tickles, but they still don’t want to be touched - very fair, since they’re super prey animals!

I’m going to get some quick dinner, and then run myself a very hot bath with some Radox muscle soak in and watch an episode of something whilst I relax. It’s been lots of very hard working days.

Tomorrow I have to finish the 2nd and possibly get a 3rd coat on the outside of the bloody fence, and run a small roller down the inside edges of the whole thing as well. Then have a think about my layout plans - I’m having second thoughts about my seating arrangements!

SecondStar

This morning I had a nice lie in (after I’d got up to let the hens out), and then used the last of the paint that I have to hand - got some more second coats on, and some inner sides done - but not finished either yet. But I don’t want to leave the house today, and goodness knows I’m sick of painting fencing, so I’m taking the rest of the day off. The fence can be picked away at on afternoons after work, but I can’t face another solid day of painting.

I’m amusing myself by taking tea breaks to watch the hens cluck about, and dragging bits of scrap wood into positions around the garden, to imagine different layouts.

I was originally sold on the idea of seating by the side of the house, as that catches all the sun, but after 5 days of being outside I’ve realised I actually don’t like to sit in the sun for very long! So seating by the fence might be best - more privacy, a better view, and dappled shade from mid-afternoon. Goes to show the importance of taking your time, and of lived experience!

My partner has bought wood to frame my new little tent, and I’ve told him I’ll have the alterations done by Sunday so that we can get it made up in time for Ostara. I have to make or source some ties for the new open end, but that it’ll be finished. Still need to alter my apron dress straps as well, plus buy in some bits and pieces to mark up and sell on my stall.

Going back to work tomorrow will be a slog, and I’ve got a shift at my second job on Saturday - that’ll be the first shift since before Christmas, and I’m a bit apprehensive. The money will be very useful though, although I might grumble about ‘missing’ another sunny day in the garden!

SecondStar

Went out looking for some flat, white shoelaces to use as temporary ties for my tent, until I can source some cotton webbing tape, but not a shoelace to be found! Instead I’m going to plait some cotton string together and use that instead, it’ll only be for Ostara weekend and I’ll replace it with the webbing before the big events.

I’ve also ordered the first of my ‘bought in’ stock! Some needles, needle cases, and drawstring bags, to make up DIY crafts kits. I plan to record a nalbinding tutorial, and include a link on a QR code for a mini-workshop type product.

The hens continue to delight - they’re slowly realising that I bring food, and Marigold will now let me stroke her tummy and wings whilst she eats from my palm which is lovely. I also sowed some of the bare lawn patches after dinner last night, although it’s already proving difficult to keep the compost moist under all this beautiful heat!

I have a shift at my second job tomorrow - that money will go towards buying in more stock. These expenses will definitely go into the budget for next year, and I’ll start saving up a little bit each month so that it’s not so much of a shock to my pocket.

SecondStar

I got the tent alterations finished off yesterday, I’m excited to see it all framed up tomorrow! I also did the adjustments on one of my apron dresses tonight, so that I can wear my beautiful tortoise brooches this season. I’ll do the straps on my other aprons too, so that I’ve got outfit choices.

I am SO tired after my second job today. I’m still very new there, and it takes an awful lot of brain power. But I recognised a few faces who were kind, and had a good day overall.

Back home, I was able to stroke all of my hens a little bit today! I tried picking Marigold up, and both of us got a fright when she started to flap. One to work on I think.

Two of our good reenactment friends are being handfast in May. The dress code is viking/medieval/festival attire, so I think my partner and I are probably going to go in Viking kit - just with less dirt than usual! It’ll be a fun event, and a wonderful way to kickstart May.

I had a bad dream last night, where my ex-husband was telling me that my 12 month rental lease on the house was up, and I had nowhere to go. It was such a relief to wake up and remind myself that this is *my* house - mortgaged, yes, but *mine*. It made me realise just how happy and thankful and lucky I am to be in the position that I’m in right now.

I have a secure, stable job, which pays my bills with some leftover; co-workers who make the job fun on days when it doesn’t feel fun at all; hobbies and interests which fulfil and sustain me; future plans which I’m able to see through; and a loving partner who I can depend on, but whom I’m not dependent on.

It finally feels like a point in my life where I’m the one making decisions for myself, I’m putting myself first, and I’m thriving. That I’m able to care for myself, because I’m not being leaned on to nurture others at the detriment of myself. It feels like I’m finally able to splash about and explore the top of ‘Maslow’s hierarchy of needs’ pyramid, after spending so long floundering around the very bottom of it.

SecondStar

I got my beautiful replica glass beads restrung for my new brooches, and I’m working on altering a second apron dress - I’ve made the straps suitable for the brooches, but it needs additional fabric inserted to alter the size a little.

My new tent is framed and ready to go for this weekend! With it being a local event, we’ll take 2 cars so that I can nip home to sort animals. This means that we can bring more set dressing and items with us, since we’ve 2 cars to fill. I also got to check out our new rope-tensioned bed in Sunday, and it’s remarkably comfortable. Far better than sleeping on the hard ground, and with enough blankets and sheepskins it should be warm enough.

The first lot of stall items arrived today, and they’re even better quality than I’d expected. They’ll be a welcome addition alongside my handmade items.

I’m getting overrun with eggs! I’m going to have to start pawning them off on people, or mass-cooking pancakes for the freezer. I’m also still trying different types of Indian food - we’re having tikka masala with tofu tomorrow night, and I’ve said I’ll bring some sort of dal / veggie curry for the group this weekend, so that’ll be a challenge.

The Sunday carboot yielded 15 trough planters for £20 which was a good bargain, so I’m off to fill them with summer flowering bulbs.

New_in_the_fens

i think back to you at the start of your diary and marvel at the journey you have been on. I hope you continue to rise upwards and soar ❤️

SecondStar

New_in_the_fens said:

i think back to you at the start of your diary and marvel at the journey you have been on. I hope you continue to rise upwards and soar ❤️

That is so so sweet, thank you so much ❤️

It will be my 2 year houseiversary on May 5th, and I’m not sure where the time has gone. I think back to the start of this thread often - a lost soul, physically and metaphorically. Homeless, scared, and running on adrenaline like a prey animal with nowhere safe to go to.

After 2 years I’m glad to say that I finally feel safe, and I’m able to flourish within that safety. With each passing week my roots sink deeper, and I take longer breaths. I’ve relaxed and softened with having fewer cares and worries - I’m letting my hair grow long, and grow out, leaving behind 20 years of bleach and hair dye and instead peering curiously at the greys beginning to show through. My co-workers tell me I seem lighter.

Maybe I’ve told this story here before, I can’t remember, but I began manifesting this home and this life many years ago, when my path was looking markedly different.

In 2017 I was renting a 3-bed mid-terrace, and I was dating someone who had a relative living near where I live now. We walked past these very same tiny bungalows and I sighed over how adorably petite they were, and how I’d love to live somewhere like that, someday. The person gave me a funny look as though I had a screw loose, and said that they were ‘pensioner bungalows’, and I said I didn’t care.

The themes of ‘home’ dogged me through my time at art university. My sketchbooks were more like journals, and I have pages written in 2018 and 2019 about imagining life in a tiny cottage, just big enough for me - somewhere that I could expand and fill, without being swallowed up.

In 2020 after my mum died and I received a bit of money, I went to look at a miniature mid-terrace which was for auction. The house was in ruins and very sad, but I thought more about life in such a small space. My ex and I bought the 3 bed semi that we thought would be home, but when the relationship turned bad I began thinking of small living again - narrow boats, vans, campers…anything which didn’t have my ex in it. Something which was just mine.

When I was around 4, my parents split up. My mum and I went to live with my granny for a while, and during that time she found the cottage that we would rent for most of my childhood. An ancient stone building with 2 bedrooms, no central heating other than an open fire, and a huge garden. She found the ad in the paper for £250 a month, and she told me once that the first time she saw it she knew it would be our home. Seeing my cottage for the first time felt like the same thing.

I’ve felt my mum with me a lot lately. I’m around the age she was when we moved to that cottage, and my mum began gardening. What she lacked in knowledge she made up for in determination, and she turned that overgrown acre of grass into an absolute wonderland. If I could wish for anything these days, it would be that she were here to see how far I’ve come, and how I’m blooming. None of this would be possible without her, and she was gone far too soon from this world.

To plant a garden is to look to the future. So far, all my planting has been in pots - things which I can move easily as I change my mind on positioning, or if I grab a bulb or plant just for the sake of it. I’m looking forward to properly breaking ground. To planting a delicate living thing directly into my earth, and letting it grow deep and strong; knowing that it is rooted, and firm, and home.

in_need_of_direction

A truly amazing post, thank you for sharing 

SecondStar

Well phoo. Partner brought my beautiful new tent over on Wednesday to show me how to set it up and down. I had a lovely time planning out my stall and tent layout with the chooks scratching about my feet, and then when I went to take it down I got too impatient, and one of the pegs snapped.

I was furious with myself and very very guilty after my partner worked so hard on it. I wanted to pretend like I hadn’t noticed and not say anything about it, but instead I took a deep breath and a photo to send to him, and apologised for my carelessness. He is the embodiment of kindness and grace, and reassured me that accidents happen, and that it can be fixed and made good again - not a shred or hint of the shame or blame that I would’ve received from mistakes previously. It’s been almost 2 years, and I’m still getting used to that.

I’ve just about fought off the horrible voice of shame in my own head, but I’m still not quite used to gentleness and kindness from others in the wake of my mistakes. All in good time, I hope.



I finished altering my second apron dress today - I’ve got 1 more to do and that’s my whole wardrobe ready to go.

Our friends who are being handfast in May have asked me to be part of the ceremony - they need someone to hand out flower confetti to the children. I’m very touched that they asked me, it’ll be an honour to take part. Of course that means looking the part, and so I’ll need to jazz up one of my regular viking outfits a bit! My bff is a florist, and I’ve asked for tips and tricks to have flowers in my hair, or to make a flower crown, for the occasion.



I sent my partner home with half a dozen bantam eggs - they have their own trio of ex-battery hens, so they’re overrun with eggs too, but the bantam eggs are so tiny I thought that they would amuse.

I batch cooked over a dozen pancakes today, and half have gone to the freezer. I’m still left with a lot of eggs though, I’m going to need to start scrambling them for lunches or something. I still plan to make a veggie lentil curry for the weekend, but maybe I’ll bake too to try and get the stock of eggs down!

Hoping for good weather this weekend - the rain is making my grass seed spring up, but I’d rather have sunshine for being outdoors!

dawnybabes

I found a recipe today for a flourless choc cake that’s uses 7 eggs (currently got lots of spare eggs 🤣🤣🤣) by Tom Kerridge on his FB page