Find the SecondStar and soar, and then straight on till the morning…

KajiKita

How about having the housewarming? 😊

Most excellent charity shop finds and sounds like a really lovely day. The cupboard sound awesome 🤩 

KK

KajiKita

PS - can’t believe it’s a year already!! 😳😂😉

KK

SecondStar

Thank you both! 

KajiKita said:

PS - can’t believe it’s a year already!! 😳😂😉

KK

I know right?! It has absolutely flown in.

There are some things which have just passed me by, and now I look at them like ‘why are you still here? why haven’t I done anything with you yet?’; like the huge suitcase full of books, or the boxes in my shed which haven’t been touched since I moved in. My walls are still devoid of the artwork and photos I want to put up. A wall light sits precariously balanced on my bedside table, where it was unpacked almost 12 months ago, because I’ve not hung it on the wall yet. There is nothing planted in my garden, and the lawn is scruffy from not having a final mow before the winter. The living room walls have been patchy for 4 months, between slapped on colour samples, mist-coated plaster, and holes here, there, and everywhere.

And yet…I think I needed these 12 months to just rest. To sit, and allow myself to just be. To let it sink in that this space, this home, is *mine*, not just legally and physically, but mentally and emotionally. I think I’ve written before about the day I got my keys, and how it hit me that I would never have to show up on my best friend’s doorstep in the middle of the night, because I couldn’t bare to remain in the house, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go. About how I would now always have a safe place, all of my own.

The *love* that I have for this little space is so vast, it makes my breath catch sometimes. The pride I have in these 35 square meters. Walking up to the door relaxes my nervous system in a way that I’ve never felt before.

I think both it and I needed the time to be calm and still, before we can start to bloom, and I’m excited to see where this will lead.

SecondStar

There has been movement on the decorating front! (sort of).

My bff needed to go to Homebase, so I took the opportunity to get some testers, which my friend very kindly offered to pay for in exchange for the lift, bless her.

Away back in December/early January, I had a right to-do with green paint for the living room. I don’t want to dredge up old paint-based grievances, but in the end I’d unhappily settled on F&B’s ‘Cooking Apple Green’, but there was no way I could/would pay F&B prices. I wasn’t anywhere near ready to paint, so I had just left it at that. Now though, since we’re creeping closer to painting time, I thought I’d get the testers that both Dulux at Homebase and Johnstones promised me that they could colour match to F&B reliably…

…needless to say, neither tester comes close to the Cooking Apple Green - one is far too dark, the other is much lighter. I shouldn’t be surprised, and yet somehow I still was. This green paint will the death of me, I swear. The Johnstones one is probably my preference - it’s the lighter one.

I really am sick to death of green paint. I’m looking for a light green, with a YELLOW undertone - not a blue, grey, or purple undertone, a YELLOW one - and nothing that could be described as ‘sage’. It’s a LIGHT green, not a pastel, and not washed out. You wouldn’t think it would be this bloody difficult. But no one seems to want to manufacture a yellow-green - everything is all blue-greens or grey-greens, and it’s driving me wild.

I *know* that this isn’t really, truly important, in the grand scheme of things. It is just paint! Not in the sense that I am being silly and shouldn’t care so much, but more that if I really don’t like it, I can change it! It is just paint!

It is the ghost of my ex at my shoulder - the critical, sneering, scornful voice, which tells me how stupid I am; how I can’t do anything right; how I’m not good at anything; saying why do I even try; the ‘I told you so’ if things go wrong; the blame that was put on me. It scares me sometimes to realise how prevalent that ghost often is, 16 months after I left. How his words and his behaviour wormed their way into my mind, and continue to leech poison.



And so I’ll buy the lighter green paint - I like it, even if it isn’t a perfect match to the colour I said I would get. I’ll prep the walls a little, if I feel like I want to, and it probably won’t be as much as I should, or in the right way; but I’ll do it. I’ll grab a brush, and won’t tape up any edges, and I’ll cut in by hand - not because I am an expert decorator who knows everything, but because I have the steady hand and the careful eye of an artist, and those are transferable skills.

I’ll ask my partner what he thinks of the colour, but it wont be to ask his permission. I might not wait for help before I decide to move furniture, pick up my roller, and get on with it - but help will be there without me needing to ask for it. I’ll slap paint around, get drips on the rug which I will curse, get splatters on my glasses which I won’t notice until bed time, and probably only do 1 coat because ‘that looks fine as it is’. I’ll ignore any patchy or uneven bits, because they won’t bother me once I have things hung on the walls - prints designed by friends, artwork from childhood bedrooms, old photographs tenderly plucked from dusty albums and hung in charity shop frames, new photographs printed in Tesco (higher quality, but just as precious).

I’ll square up to that horrid voice and punch it in the eye with the handle of my paintbrush. Because it doesn’t need to be ‘perfect’, it just needs to be started. It needs to be done, so that I know that I can do it; and I can do it again, and again, and again.

And it won’t matter if the lines are a bit wobbly, or some white shows through in places, or there are tiny splatters which get missed and never cleaned off of the laminate; because I will have done it myself, for me. That inner voice which criticises and bullies, is not my voice. Instead, I’ll tell myself how clever I am, and how proud I am of myself. And I’ll believe it.

KajiKita

Wow …. Look at you and hear your ROAR! Love it! 🤩 Proper proud of you!! 👏❤️😊🎉🥳

KK

peb

I'm sure you've thought of it but doesn't B&Q colour match?  Or is that as pants as the others?

PennysIntoPounds

Good for you. I hope you enjoy every arm aching, paint spattering moment of it. It's your home and your work and your choice and I am also proud of you.

SecondStar

Thank you everyone, your support over these past 12+ months has been invaluable!



So B&Q actually came in clutch! My local one is a tiiiny bit too far to be considered ‘handy’, but my partner drives past another branch almost every day, and offered to take my F&B sample to see if they could colour match it. And couldn’t they just! It turned out perfect! So I think I’m going with that one. Will need to undercoat all the walls to rid myself of the various splodges of green tester paints, and give an even surface to work on.



I’d been looking forward to cracking on with the decorating during my week off next week…and the bloody ceiling started to leak again this morning!

We had almost patched the hole in the ceiling at the weekend, but I learnt that my wood saw is sh*t and doesn’t cut straight, so we left it till my partner can bring his Good Saw. Glad we did, as with the strong southerly wind and pouring rain, the little drip-drip began again.

A call to my roofer, who is VERY stumped, and also on jury duty this week and so may not be able to get out. He couldn’t believe it was leaking again. The 2 times he’s been out, he’s fixed very sizeable holes in my roofing felt, but clearly the root of the problem is elsewhere. It’ll require some investigation, when he’s available, so please send dry weather vibes till then.

I was supposed to be in the office today, and so I would never have noticed the drip - instead I was WFH…because the boiler decided not to work again. Things happen in 3’s right?! I’m watching my back!



’Broke’ is a bit dramatic - the diaphragm(?) on the gas meter had popped (?) when the gas went onto the reserve for a little bit too long, without me topping it up within 12 hours. A safety feature, apparently, but all I know is it cost me £80 to get reset. The same thing had happened back before last Christmas, and I’d vowed to never be that foolish again. I have properly learnt my lesson now, I promise.

I’d been lamenting and tearing my hair, wondering if I should just get a new boiler installed - about £2,500, but I may be able to put down a 50% deposit, and finance the rest at 0% for 24 months, at about £49/month, which would be affordable. The boiler technician said again that whilst mine is ancient, it was a great boiler at the time, and it’s not actually *broken*. It could keep being run until it actually dies, whilst I save up to offset the amount I would need to finance. Which seems like a sensible idea. I’ve stuck up a new savings chart, where you colour in circles till you’ve met your target, as motivation and visual inspiration.


We did have a lovely weekend though. Saturday was spent doing relaxing viking things, and on Sunday we browsed car boot sales and markets. Not a NSD - I came home with a *stunning* wicker trunk with leather ties, which will be absolutely perfect for storing and transporting my kit and stock to events; for £10! I also picked up some more glass beads to make some new strings for my own viking kit, and to make some strings for sale. I also got a cute ornate brass hook - apparently it’s meant to be a ceiling rose for a light fixture, but I’m going to repurpose it as a hook for the hand towel in the bathroom, once that’s decorated!

I wonder if I can crack on and get the walls painted next week, whilst the roof is being looked at yet again… Either that, or I start on the bathroom!

SecondStar

And it’s finally time off! I can’t wait to have a week of no 5:45 alarms, and nothing to be rushing for.

I’ve spent the afternoon sloshing a watered down coat of white over all of the various green samples on my living room walls, and covering up the 2 walls of the Green Which Was Not To Be, which we painted back in December. The living room is giving crack den vibes again, but I’m mollified knowing that tomorrow it’ll FINALLY be the green shade I want. Just in time for my house-iversary on Sunday!

I’m going to make a chocolate cheesecake and order pizza in as a celebration. I didn’t really *celebrate* when I got the keys last year - it was too fraught and heartbreaking a time, and those first 2 weeks were so hectic and pressured. I’m really happy to be able to take a more relaxed, introspective approach to the day, a year on.



It’s my lovely partner’s birthday on Friday. I’ve been secretly making him a new under tunic from this beautiful white linen - all hand sewn - which I think he’ll love. I’ve also bought him a Barbour jacket - he picked one up in a vintage shop back around Christmas and it’s been glued to him, but it’s a winter weight one. The one I’ve got is a lighter one, which should be better for the warmer weather. They’re sturdy enough for him to wear in the forge and the workshop, but smart enough to go out in after a quick dust down. Might also pick up a new wallet for him if I get chance, as his is ancient and falling to pieces. There’s also plans for a secret triple chocolate cake! I think he’ll be very pleased.



Very much looking forward to a slow, relaxing, chilled out week.

PennysIntoPounds

A hand made piece and a Barbour jacket and a triple chocolate cake?! Well you win all the partner points!

Happy time off and houseiversary 😊