Would you consider this toxic behaviour?

Pollycat

I don't th9nk it matters whether other posters think it's toxic or not.
Any response will be based on their own experiences, not yours.

And this has clearly upset you.

Does it upset you every time she messages you?
Or just sometimes?

Do you want to continue a relationship - even from a distance - with her?

retiringtoosoon

Sounds like a you problem, not a her problem…

WhiskersTheWonderCat

retiringtoosoon said:

Sounds like a you problem, not a her problem…

That's my first impression, too. I don't see anything untoward in what her mum text. 

You have a rare-ish name. The neighbours happened to name their dog this name. Why wouldn't she mention it. It's an interesting coincidence. 

NBLondon

WhiskersTheWonderCat said:

You have a rare-ish name. The neighbours happened to name their dog this name. Why wouldn't she mention it. It's an interesting coincidence. 

If it's also the name of a famous singer then it will stop being rare....  maybe that's who the dog was named after?

Hecky232

Just ignore things like that. We have a lot of other things to think and worried about. Then why considering these silly issues. Your mum is just over concerned and being just sensitive. Never mind and think positive

TBagpuss

In isolation, I wouldn't see the mesages as toxic, at worst they are insensitve, as sjhe apears to be making it about her rather than you. I think your initial response was fine and there's no need for you to send any furthr respose, if she messges you again then repeating what you've already said so she doesn't get whatever she is ngling for may be the way to go. Maybe something like 'yeah, like I said, people give human names to pets all the time, and with [name] being a famous signer it'll probably mean that the name is more popular both for people and animals'

So you aren't feeding any drama or pity party she might be trying to start, and if she's genuinely just surprised or finding it odd then by reacting calmly you increase the changes that she also starts to see it as no big deal.

Since you mntion it's a difficult relationship, it may be worth reminding yourself that you don't necessarily need to reply to evey message she sends. With this one, you respned once, it's Ok to assume tht the conversatio is over, and not to say anything further at all.