Money Moral Dilemma: Should I replace my flatmate's fancy bowl - even though she told me not to?

JaneHenery

How well do you know your friend? If her 'don't bother about it' was a short, bad-tempered, I-have-to-say-this then think about replacing it. If, however, she genuinely did NOT care, it was just another bowl in a world of domestic bowls (if she'd had it a while chances are that is EXACTLY what it was) then she DOES NOT CARE. Don't waste money on things that don't matter. Why not surprise her with a handmade card saying sorry instead, complete with a comic drawing of you breaking the damn bowl? I'm sure she'd get more joy out of that. 

JaneHenery

claremichelle19792015 said:

Your friend does not sound  like she is bothered. 

Buy and wrap up a plastic bowl as a joke as you won’t be able to break it, it’s cheap, and they will get the sentiment that your sorry xx 

Great solution! If that was me receiving the plastic bowl I'd laugh my guts up. 

keithyno.1

You’ve done the right thing by offering to replace it but she told you not to bother. So don’t bother. End of, as far as I’m concerned.

Let’s face it, there are FAR more important things going in our country and the world over right now to worry about than a broken bowl or dish. If you really need to assuage your conscience for some reason then make a donation to a food bank or a homeless charity here in the UK, or one of the charities helping the people of Ukraine or something, in lieu of replacing the bowl.

Rob5342

Just talk to her and find out if she meant it or was just being polite.

tealady

If you can afford it give her some cash so that if your friend was really upset over the bowl they can replace it.

Chris_Jay

I don't think this is about being a tightass, or about there being more important things in the world, such as wars, poverty, keeping up with the bills. I feel that it's about trust and friendship, both of which are valuable, easily damaged and hard to regain. Our brains can't deal with the big, important issues, they're too much to process, but something small and tangible can keep us awake at nights. I feel that you should go with your gut response and that your friend will appreciate the caring behind the gesture.
I'm going on a similar thing happening to me, when my friend dropped the glass she was using. It was a cheap and cheerful thing, of no financial value but it was a gift from one of my small grandchildren, therefore priceless. I did the whole gritted teeth, strained smile thing, made some inane comment and changed the subject. 
The next day, my friend called in after work, with a pair of very pretty glasses. I still have them, but more importantly to me, I still have her friendship.
You'll do what you feel is right for you and your friend, and clear your mind.

herebeme

My friend that lodges with me accidentally broke a fairly expensive vintage plate of mine last year. 

I said don’t worry about it and I meant it. 

Firstly, plates break accidentally, I’m aware of that like most people are, and it was my choice to put the expensive plate into general use. 

Secondly, I earn much more than my friend and it would make me feel way worse to take her money (she offered to pay for a replacement) than to feel upset for a bit about a plate. 

If you really feel guilty, is there something else you could get for the kitchen that would be useful or nice? Or, are you a bit lazy about cleaning or taking out the rubbish, if so maybe step up for a bit as a more active way of atoning. 

pickledonionspaceraider

Id buy them a new one

shortseller09

Really.... must be a made up question.

Just make your mind up,  either buy a new one or don't.

Agent57

Rob5342 said:

Just talk to her and find out if she meant it or was just being polite.

If only the world was that simple.  People often don't say what they mean. Being polite can often cause problems.

I often find the logical thing say and the polite thing to say are polar opposites and it can drive me insane.