Bad situation - need to divorce/unwell unable to work

beckyben89

I broke my neck last year and it took the NHS ten months to find out. Then tell me it isn't an issue. I have been diagnosed with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). Also been diagnosed with craniocervical instability abroad. My husband wouldn't remortgage house to help me. Infact he has been verbally/physically abusive. I need to sell house to pay for surgery with one of only ten experts worldwide. What are my rights? I am ill health retired from my old job. In a  vulnerable situation. House is owned 50/50. I am also in debt - he won't help me out. Need to divorce sadly (I am sure he will be delighted). 

tightauldgit

Your rights are that should you divorce you would be entitled to a fair share of the marital assets - probably 50% as a starting point. If you are divorcing solely to get quick access to funds then bear in mind that it may take some time to go through the courts and get a financial settlement. You may be able to make a settlement offer to your husband for less than you would otherwise be entitled to in exchange for a quick settlement.

You won't be able to sell the house without your husband agreeing to the sale presuming he's on the deeds.  

k3lvc

beckyben89 said:

I broke my neck last year and it took the NHS ten months to find out. Then tell me it isn't an issue. I have been diagnosed with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). Also been diagnosed with craniocervical instability abroad. My husband wouldn't remortgage house to help me. Infact he has been verbally/physically abusive. I need to sell house to pay for surgery with one of only ten experts worldwide. What are my rights? I am ill health retired from my old job. In a  vulnerable situation. House is owned 50/50. I am also in debt - he won't help me out. Need to divorce sadly (I am sure he will be delighted). 

As per previous advice/comments given on same subject is your husband 'unsupportive' because he's not believing that the surgery is legit/the way forward ?

With the greatest respect with a £120k mortgage on a £160k house bought 2yrs ago you might be lucky to come out with any significant equity after divorce costs - and certainly not £50k - it also give little hope of raising £50k through credit lines available to you

beckyben89

tightauldgit said:

Your rights are that should you divorce you would be entitled to a fair share of the marital assets - probably 50% as a starting point. If you are divorcing solely to get quick access to funds then bear in mind that it may take some time to go through the courts and get a financial settlement. You may be able to make a settlement offer to your husband for less than you would otherwise be entitled to in exchange for a quick settlement.

You won't be able to sell the house without your husband agreeing to the sale presuming he's on the deeds.  

I am sure he will agree to sell house. I am willing to wait a year for it to sell. I wouldn't settle for less than 50%. I cannot work again in my condition, where he can. 

beckyben89

beckyben89 said:

tightauldgit said:

Your rights are that should you divorce you would be entitled to a fair share of the marital assets - probably 50% as a starting point. If you are divorcing solely to get quick access to funds then bear in mind that it may take some time to go through the courts and get a financial settlement. You may be able to make a settlement offer to your husband for less than you would otherwise be entitled to in exchange for a quick settlement.

You won't be able to sell the house without your husband agreeing to the sale presuming he's on the deeds.  

I am sure he will agree to sell house. I am willing to wait a year for it to sell. I wouldn't settle for less than 50%. I cannot work again in my condition, where he can. 

I have just been offered £180k cash offer for it which is quite good. But market value is 220k as prices have gone up a lot in my area. Yes, I am aware recession could reduce it. If we got 220, then that could be 40k each after costs. 

Also, just because NHS does not offer me surgery it does not mean my surgery is not essential. If you google Craniocervical Instability and EDS in the news bar you will see what I mean. NHS leave people like me to die. They only get better with surgery in spain. I know lots who had this surgery and are doing better now. With respect you do not have my condition so you have no idea what it is like, especially with an abuse and aggressive spouse who will not help and no family. 

beckyben89

beckyben89 said:

beckyben89 said:

tightauldgit said:

Your rights are that should you divorce you would be entitled to a fair share of the marital assets - probably 50% as a starting point. If you are divorcing solely to get quick access to funds then bear in mind that it may take some time to go through the courts and get a financial settlement. You may be able to make a settlement offer to your husband for less than you would otherwise be entitled to in exchange for a quick settlement.

You won't be able to sell the house without your husband agreeing to the sale presuming he's on the deeds.  

I am sure he will agree to sell house. I am willing to wait a year for it to sell. I wouldn't settle for less than 50%. I cannot work again in my condition, where he can. 

I have just been offered £180k cash offer for it which is quite good. But market value is 220k as prices have gone up a lot in my area. Yes, I am aware recession could reduce it. If we got 220, then that could be 40k each after costs. 

Also, just because NHS does not offer me surgery it does not mean my surgery is not essential. If you google Craniocervical Instability and EDS in the news bar you will see what I mean. NHS leave people like me to die. They only get better with surgery in spain. I know lots who had this surgery and are doing better now. With respect you do not have my condition so you have no idea what it is like, especially with an abuse and aggressive spouse who will not help and no family. 

[Quoted post removed by Forum Team]

Okay well see how you get on if you ever break your c2 vertebrae and have you partner tell you to hurry up and die, whilst many surgeons missed it for 10 months? Then they notice it and say it is not causing symptoms. Would you not feel angry? and now I have people on here commenting about the surgery. No it will not make me worse. I know many british people who were dying who went there and are working again, you are not qualified to discuss the surgery unless you have done research on CCI? Yeah I am angry. So you think an abusive husband who pushes me over, punches holes in the wall, is more respectable than me? lol I don't need to ask for 50% I am entitled to that. I put down half of the deposit and worked hard. I understand your worried though and I do appreciate you expressing them, they are valid concerns - but honestly I cannot get well without this surgery - wish I could, I have been trying. I don't blame others for this. But I do blame them for not researching and trying to understand it. I have had many CCI experts tell me it is an issue. My family are toxic, they were before this - always been selfish. Honestly you don't know me or them on a personal level. I hope you never find yourself ill with no help from NHS or family. 

wilfred30

If you sell the house, where will you live?

MalMonroe

Hi, I remember seeing posts from you before about this very same situation.

Have you had a word with Citizens Advice at all? 

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/employment-and-support-allowance/help-with-your-esa-claim/fill-in-form-esa/your-condition/

And even though you say that the medical profession will not acknowledge your disabilities (I know where you're coming from as my daughter has suffered from ME/CFS for years and over those years she has discovered that not all medical professionals are sympathetic or even believe it is a real or debilitating illness), your GP may be a good place to start for you to get support from social services, even if it's the only thing your GP does for you. Surely they could do a referral for an X-ray and/or scan of your cervical spine in order to clarify the previous damage to the discs, muscles and nerves, though? I'm aware that cranio-cervical instability can be picked up on an MRI or a rotary CT scan. Or both. Even in the UK.

Your abusive relationship is obviously not helping matters at all. Are you able to contact one of the domestic abuse shelters or services? I know it's not always easy when you are in such a situation, a friend of mine was in a similar situation and when she fled her marital home, it was with a complete Sunday dinner in her hair (her husband hadn't wanted gravy on it) and only the clothes she was dressed in. She was terrified that she was going to die that day. Thankfully she's now in a much better situation.

Info here about getting help - https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

But you could also discuss with social services, if you've asked your GP to refer you, because they can help to get you rehoused. I know your main issue is getting the money for the surgery but you may have to wait for that anyway. And if you can wait in safety so much the better. Even if it is temporary accommodation.

There's also refuge - https://refuge.org.uk/

I see your priorities as - seeking alternative accommodation and getting out of that acknowledged toxic situation; getting help to find out the appropriate benefits (Citizens Advice or social services can help); getting your physical condition properly diagnosed here in the UK. You can ask for second opinions and referrals to consultants because nobody seems to know what exactly is wrong. We in the UK DO have specialists who can at least diagnose your problems, be they orthopaedic or neural.

As others have said, you do sound angry but who can blame you? Your life is an absolute misery. Please try to get help and get out. Your mental health will improve enormously. Then you can focus on your physical health. And after that you can focus on getting your share of the marital home. There IS help out there, you just have to seek it. Citizens Advice is a good starting point - or maybe your GP. I wish you all the luck in the world.

gizmo111

beckyben89 said:

Scorpio33 said:

beckyben89 said:

beckyben89 said:

tightauldgit said:

Your rights are that should you divorce you would be entitled to a fair share of the marital assets - probably 50% as a starting point. If you are divorcing solely to get quick access to funds then bear in mind that it may take some time to go through the courts and get a financial settlement. You may be able to make a settlement offer to your husband for less than you would otherwise be entitled to in exchange for a quick settlement.

You won't be able to sell the house without your husband agreeing to the sale presuming he's on the deeds.  

I am sure he will agree to sell house. I am willing to wait a year for it to sell. I wouldn't settle for less than 50%. I cannot work again in my condition, where he can. 

I have just been offered £180k cash offer for it which is quite good. But market value is 220k as prices have gone up a lot in my area. Yes, I am aware recession could reduce it. If we got 220, then that could be 40k each after costs. 

Also, just because NHS does not offer me surgery it does not mean my surgery is not essential. If you google Craniocervical Instability and EDS in the news bar you will see what I mean. NHS leave people like me to die. They only get better with surgery in spain. I know lots who had this surgery and are doing better now. With respect you do not have my condition so you have no idea what it is like, especially with an abuse and aggressive spouse who will not help and no family. 

With the greatest of respect to you, you come accross as agressive, blaming others for your situation and lacking empathy.

Whilst I can sympathise that you are in a poor situation, the options you have are as stated: Get a divorce and ask for 50% or more of the marital assets (which may be £40k or less), work on your marriage and look for other ways to finance any medical costs, or accept the current situation.

Only you will know what is best, but I fear that you will push for a divorce, get the funds (which won't cover 100% of your costs), the surgery won't work and you will end up extremely resentful. It may not work that way of course, but you need to look at all possibilities.

Okay well see how you get on if you ever break your c2 vertebrae and have you partner tell you to hurry up and die, whilst many surgeons missed it for 10 months? Then they notice it and say it is not causing symptoms. Would you not feel angry? and now I have people on here commenting about the surgery. No it will not make me worse. I know many british people who were dying who went there and are working again, you are not qualified to discuss the surgery unless you have done research on CCI? Yeah I am angry. So you think an abusive husband who pushes me over, punches holes in the wall, is more respectable than me? lol I don't need to ask for 50% I am entitled to that. I put down half of the deposit and worked hard. I understand your worried though and I do appreciate you expressing them, they are valid concerns - but honestly I cannot get well without this surgery - wish I could, I have been trying. I don't blame others for this. But I do blame them for not researching and trying to understand it. I have had many CCI experts tell me it is an issue. My family are toxic, they were before this - always been selfish. Honestly you don't know me or them on a personal level. I hope you never find yourself ill with no help from NHS or family. 

I have broke my C5/6 and C3/4, and it is not something that you die from.  Took a while to be diagnosed as well as there were other presenting symptoms.  Had surgery twice after lots of consultations and balance of the risks.  I understand C2/C1 is harder to diagnose due to the position and the depth of the NHS MRI Scanners, but if you have the diagnosis and the scans and report from a credible clinic then they will consider if the operation is needed, risks v likely outcome.  No need to pay for surgery abroad.  Having been through it twice and the after care that was needed, there is no way  I would consider travelling before or after recovery.

In terms of your marriage, which is abusive then you need to end that regardless of your health issues. 

silvercar

I have seen people raise funds for operations overseas through GoFundMe and similar websites. You should also be able to find support groups online, which would help with funding advice. Twitter hashtags are also helpful in finding people with the same conditions.

sheramber

I your husband agrees to a divorce and l sell  the house , you will be entitled to 50% of the equity less selling costs

You will have to pay divorce costs so your £40 will be less that. amount.

You will have to find somewhere else to live. Have you considered where that will be?

If your husband does not agree then things are more complicated