Finding the break up hard 20 November 2022 at 10:54AM in Marriage, relationships & families 7 replies 909 views

Gam2015

So me and my partner was together 4+ years and i lived together 4+ years. She hasn’t actually said we are finished but shes said she needs space. She’s only stopped at home once or twice in the last 2 week as she’s been sleeping elsewhere. I’m finding it hard to move on as all her belongings is still in the house. I’m finding it it hard not to text and call her but her replies are pretty blunt. I hardly have any close friends so in my spare time I’m just dwelling on things. Don’t really know what to do from this point tbh. We was in a pretty solid relationship before this. 

pinkshoes

I'll give you the blunt version - it was clearly not meant to be.

Yes it feels crap at the moment, but instead of wallowing in self pity, get out there and go make some new friends and go and do something FUN! Go join a club doing something you enjoy, go and volunteer somewhere, do a Christmas wreath making course, do an online baking session. Anything!

Life is to short. Go and enjoy it.

74jax

Gam2015 said:

So me and my partner was together 4+ years and i lived together 4+ years. She hasn’t actually said we are finished but shes said she needs space. She’s only stopped at home once or twice in the last 2 week as she’s been sleeping elsewhere. I’m finding it hard to move on as all her belongings is still in the house. I’m finding it it hard not to text and call her but her replies are pretty blunt. I hardly have any close friends so in my spare time I’m just dwelling on things. Don’t really know what to do from this point tbh. We was in a pretty solid relationship before this. 

If you were in a solid relationship why has she left and said she needs space. That doesn't make sense. 

Do you think you were in a solid relationship and she wasn't? That could be a reason for this situation. 

If you need her belongings out to move on (understandable) then text and agree to meet up, decide what you are doing financially - who is staying / is the property being sold etc. 

Pollycat

2 more threads on the same subject by the OP:
Don’t know where i stand — MoneySavingExpert Forum
Splitting up — MoneySavingExpert Forum

Gam2015 said:

So me and my partner was together 4+ years and i lived together 4+ years. She hasn’t actually said we are finished but shes said she needs space. She’s only stopped at home once or twice in the last 2 week as she’s been sleeping elsewhere. I’m finding it hard to move on as all her belongings is still in the house. I’m finding it it hard not to text and call her but her replies are pretty blunt. I hardly have any close friends so in my spare time I’m just dwelling on things. Don’t really know what to do from this point tbh. We was in a pretty solid relationship before this. 

Where has she been sleeping?
What do the 'blunt replies' actually say?
In the first linked thread above, you said you told her 'to take her stuff'.
To me, this means you ended the relationship.
Being on an IVF journey will have been stressful for both of you.
Depending on what the 'blunt replies' say, I think you both need to have a talk about where you are and where you want to be in your relationship.
If it's not already over.
If it is over, the sooner you accept it and the sooner you sort out belongings, the better.

GiantTCR

Gam2015 said:

So me and my partner was together 4+ years and i lived together 4+ years. She hasn’t actually said we are finished but shes said she needs space. She’s only stopped at home once or twice in the last 2 week as she’s been sleeping elsewhere. I’m finding it hard to move on as all her belongings is still in the house. I’m finding it it hard not to text and call her but her replies are pretty blunt. I hardly have any close friends so in my spare time I’m just dwelling on things. Don’t really know what to do from this point tbh. We was in a pretty solid relationship before this. 

First thing you need to do is get rid of her stuff. Ask her to come pick it up, give her 1 week to do so, otherwise let her know that you will chuck her stuff on the sidewalk for her to collect whenever suits her. Then, depending on the house situation (do you own/rent the house together) my next suggestion would be to change the locks so she doesn't come back.

We all know what "she needs space" means and you can imagine where she's been sleeping. So, overall, get rid of her and find someone better.

london21

Is she in or out of the relationship? Sending mixed messaged, if space is needed maybe the relationship is over.

With regards to her stuff in the house, what was the arrangement do you both own the property etc? you will both need to communicate on what the way forward will be.

You need to have interests and hobbies and not make your life revolve around relationship. Do you enjoy walks, volunteering, sports, festivals etc start with 1 activity you enjoy.

diystarter7

Hi OP
I'm never judgemental and what has happened to you should never happen to annyone.
I'm sorry you feel like that, most people do feel like that but then most people will get over it.
When you look back, you will most likely think that it was really hard for weeks but what I have no is a lot better than what I had before
Good luck

Purbeck14

As per previous post, 

 Don't pressure her, the IVF thing is pressure enough, for both of you. That might be why she is being blunt, there are lots of possible thoughts she might be having from "I don't want to be with you because it's all we think about and we don't DO anything" or " He want's kids if I can't have them, where does that leave us as a couple?".   

It's her mum's she is sleeping at by all accounts, why ask her to take her things there if you actually want her to come home? If she needs space then give it to her, at least for an agreed length of time.