At Breaking Point - Help to decide on settlement, please!!

ChrissyTA86

Good evening,

I have been encouraging a divorce out of my ex husband since 2017. Finally we have had some mediation meetings to discuss how to split the value of the house.

Long story short - on paper he is entitled to very 'little' of the value of the house - I won't go into details. but this is a fact and has been agreed by 3 solicitors.

However, he would like a lump sum NOW. I have had to give up my job (partially due to me having a breakdown after each mediation meeting and it all got to much). I cannot afford to move, I can't re-mortgage the house. So therefore he will have to wait until our children are older to claim (8years) although he is not happy about that. I cannot take out another loan to cover this either.

So...How much should I offer him as a goodwill gesture. My solicitor said £2k (to allow for monies owed to me). He laughed at this. He would like £15k lump sum - this is impossible and totally unfair (he does not have a claim on the property itself, just the equity for a short period of time.

I really want to fight this, out of principle - as he put me through hell (taking money and arguing about this for 5 years) and left me in debt for years whilst supporting our children. But, mentally, I just can't take it anymore. I ant to offer him a good amount, but I don't want him to take the mickey out of me.

In your opinion, what would be your maximum about you'd offer him? The house would've been in negative equity when he left, along with him not having a claim on this - so as I said, this is a goodwill gesture!

Please don't judge me for being funny about this - he has worn me down and I just want it over.

Thank you for your help xx

silvercar

Whatever you do make sure that anything you do offer is a full and final settlement.

I’m confused whether you are offering him a payment now instead of money in 8 years time or whether this is just a sweetener for now with more money to follow later. 

ChrissyTA86

Apologies, I was stress typing and didn't read it back, haha!

This would be the lump sum he'd get when the house is either sold or our youngest is 18years old (8years). 

Markneath

How long were you married?

unless he has other assets or the marriage was very short it seems strange he’s not entitled to anything.

I’ve only got divorced from a male point of view but one thing I will say is don’t run up big legal bills fighting over small amounts, my solicitors bill was around 10k and she was useless. If I could go back I would have less contact/meetings with my solicitor they were pointless and costing 250 plus vat each time.

silvercar

So he wants 15k and is prepared to wait 8 yrs for it and you are offering 2k. The answer must be somewhere in the middle. At those sums you have to reach agreement as solicitor fees in court would swallow it all. 

Exodi

ChrissyTA86 said:

My solicitor said £2k (to allow for monies owed to me).

Of course they did, their job is to get the best outcome for their client (you).

It's just as likely your ex's solicitor said he shouldn't accept a penny less than £15k.

Obviously solicitors are very happy to go to court over this, they get their fees regardless of the outcome.

Markneath said:

I’ve only got divorced from a male point of view but one thing I will say is don’t run up big legal bills fighting over small amounts, my solicitors bill was around 10k and she was useless. If I could go back I would have less contact/meetings with my solicitor they were pointless and costing 250 plus vat each time.

Please take heed of advice like this.

elsien

It seems odd that a 15 K figure is agreed on now for eight years time. Because that doesn’t allow for any increase in the value of the property and his share over that time. Is that why he is holding out for more? 

I know you don’t want to go into details, and I can understand why. But in terms of financial settlement then there is a whole bigger picture which no one can really comment on without knowing what that picture is.
So when you say that he’s not entitled to very much from the house and that’s been agreed by three solicitors, are any of those his solicitor? If not then what those other solicitors think maybe academic if he wants to fight it all the way.

Plus there’s no point anyone suggesting a figure if that’s not affordable for you anyway. So what can you afford?

tightauldgit

I have to say the position as you describe seems somewhat confused and I'm not sure how you've arrived at some of your conclusions but without more concrete information its hard to give you to much solid advice.

I'd be careful of claiming things are 'facts' just because you've been told it by a solicitor. Until a judge signs an order very little if anything is a fact. 

I don't know why you say he is entitled to very little of the house but there may be circumstances that you aren't sharing. The starting assumption is that he's entitled to 50% of the equity.

I'd also be wary of making statements like 'he will have to wait' unless you have a court order to that effect. A court may well order the house sold and the proceeds split. Provided you have enough left to rehouse yourself and your kids that's not out of the question. 

What we don't really know is what kind of sums we are talking about - if there's 15k equity in the house and he wants all of it then that's probably not going to happen. If there's 150k equity and he's asking for 10% then he's probably being quite reasonable.

As others have said fighting through a court is probably going to cost you as much as you are going to save even if you get everything you want so there may well be an argument to be made to say just give him the 15 and it's ended. 

It also depends what you can afford of course but if he's prepared to accept 15k at some point in the future if and when the house is sold as a full and final settlement then that doesn't sound like too bad a deal to be honest. On the other hand if he wants it now then he might be willing to take 8k or 10k. Only you know that. 

Please bear in mind that the financial settlement is NOT a 'goodwill gesture' and if you go in with the attitude that you are doing him a favour and want to fight for everything then you'll end up losing in the long run because it'll just become more acrimonious and the bills will mount up. 

My legal fees for my divorce were around £15k and that didn't go all the way to a final hearing. 

At the end of the day though coming to a settlement requires BOTH sides to be reasonable and if he is unwilling to budge and you are confident in your position then stand your ground and let the process play out.    

DullGreyGuy

ChrissyTA86 said:
Long story short - on paper he is entitled to very 'little' of the value of the house - I won't go into details. but this is a fact and has been agreed by 3 solicitors.

Clearly totally your choice what you do and dont want to say on a public forum but without the details no one can go on to answer your question of how much is fair. 

Whilst £15k may sound like a lot of money with a property being involved it doesnt sound much at all and there would be some discount for getting it now rather than at some point in the future. 

Fully agree with others, unless you can afford to stick to your principles you can easily end up spending more in total by arguing and racking up solicitor fees than compromising... for some thats ok, they'd rather pay their sol £20k than their ex £5k 

Personally, I think there is a notable value in being able to draw a line under things and so would be looking to see how I could raise the funds to finish the matter for good.

gizmo111

DullGreyGuy said:

ChrissyTA86 said:
Long story short - on paper he is entitled to very 'little' of the value of the house - I won't go into details. but this is a fact and has been agreed by 3 solicitors.

Clearly totally your choice what you do and dont want to say on a public forum but without the details no one can go on to answer your question of how much is fair. 

Whilst £15k may sound like a lot of money with a property being involved it doesnt sound much at all and there would be some discount for getting it now rather than at some point in the future. 

Fully agree with others, unless you can afford to stick to your principles you can easily end up spending more in total by arguing and racking up solicitor fees than compromising... for some thats ok, they'd rather pay their sol £20k than their ex £5k 

Personally, I think there is a notable value in being able to draw a line under things and so would be looking to see how I could raise the funds to finish the matter for good.

Op says the house was in negative equity 5 years ago, so I guess the current settlement reflects and equity that has been built up during the 5 years he has left.  But unless she comes back to clarify we will never know!

tightauldgit

gizmo111 said:

DullGreyGuy said:

ChrissyTA86 said:
Long story short - on paper he is entitled to very 'little' of the value of the house - I won't go into details. but this is a fact and has been agreed by 3 solicitors.

Clearly totally your choice what you do and dont want to say on a public forum but without the details no one can go on to answer your question of how much is fair. 

Whilst £15k may sound like a lot of money with a property being involved it doesnt sound much at all and there would be some discount for getting it now rather than at some point in the future. 

Fully agree with others, unless you can afford to stick to your principles you can easily end up spending more in total by arguing and racking up solicitor fees than compromising... for some thats ok, they'd rather pay their sol £20k than their ex £5k 

Personally, I think there is a notable value in being able to draw a line under things and so would be looking to see how I could raise the funds to finish the matter for good.

Op says the house was in negative equity 5 years ago, so I guess the current settlement reflects and equity that has been built up during the 5 years he has left.  But unless she comes back to clarify we will never know!

Yeah but the position 5 years ago is not relevant to the position now and if he has his 50% equity then he's entitled to that - all we have to go on so far is a vague claim that he's not entitled to a share of the house for unspecified reasons.