Child support / Maintenance

Stateofart

Have you thought about shared custody to avoid the need for CSA payments?  Are you happy with every other weekend?

Bedders72

All of the above is sorted - it's just trying to get a place of a similar standard to what they are living in at the moment - the issue is I can just about afford a couple of places but with interest rates, utilities etc the only thing I can haggle on is the Child support. Just need to be very diplomatic about it

KxMx

CMS isn't something you can exactly haggle on, not paying for clubs on top and looking at smaller properties are your only areas with movement. 

I'm not sure you can expect to provide somewhere of a similar standard, living as a separate instead of combined household is more expensive. 

However unfair it seems, can always be worse, my neighbour as a NRP moved last year into a one bed flat as that is all they were entitled to within social housing. Their 3 kids stay over regularly. They all manage because they have to. 

Bedders72

KxMx said:

I'm not sure you can expect to provide somewhere of a similar standard, living as a separate instead of combined household is more expensive, that is the reality. 

Under mediation - the properties at the time of the split should be of a similar standard. If you chose to live in a one bedroom flat then that is down to your choice but you should have the option to have a property of a similar standard. She will be living in a nice small 3 bedroom house, nicely furnished, landscaped garden and a nice area, why should I then leave and move into a 2 bedroom in a rough area etc. I am looking for a 2-3 bedroom house, will be further away as I can not afford to live that close to them but that is the sacrifice I am making. I just need to ensure that my boys want to stay at mine opposed to them reluctaing wanting to stay as it is not what they are used to. 

RAS

Do they really love their dad so little that they'd stop visiting because you live somewhere less posh?

Explain that you and mum agreed it was best for them to continue living where they have friends and school and you have to live somewhere smaller as two homes cost more than one.

Bedders72

Thanks RAS - have already explained this and I am sure they will love being with me. Wil spend most of my time out with them. Unfortunately, we now live a materialistic world with influences etc, and they have tapped into this. Which I do not agree with but if you gave them the choice between their bedroom or a sofa bed then they will pick their bedroom. I want my new house to be a home from home. 

tightauldgit

Bedders72 said:

KxMx said:

I'm not sure you can expect to provide somewhere of a similar standard, living as a separate instead of combined household is more expensive, that is the reality. 

Under mediation - the properties at the time of the split should be of a similar standard. If you chose to live in a one bedroom flat then that is down to your choice but you should have the option to have a property of a similar standard. She will be living in a nice small 3 bedroom house, nicely furnished, landscaped garden and a nice area, why should I then leave and move into a 2 bedroom in a rough area etc. I am looking for a 2-3 bedroom house, will be further away as I can not afford to live that close to them but that is the sacrifice I am making. I just need to ensure that my boys want to stay at mine opposed to them reluctaing wanting to stay as it is not what they are used to. 

'Under mediation' you can agree to anything you want between the two of you but that doesn't change reality. If you can't afford to live in the same standard of house as you do now under the settlement that you have agreed then you either need to change the settlement or live in a lesser standard of house. Bear in mind that no matter what you agree now she can always go back to CMS and ask for the full amount of child maintenance due later so haggling over the childcare is probably the least sensible option in terms of negotiation. If you need to haggle for something ask for a bigger split of the house or spousal maintenance. 

Twixty3

If you can make your new home a place of love,  laughter, warmth and with adequate food etc. for you all material things won’t matter so much and a cheaper place could be that house if it frees up the funds to take them to clubs , a few days out and such like. 

If and when your situation improves as time goes by you can always move on. 

I do feel for you guys and I do think things will improve for you. 

Spain, I think it is,  for example gives non resident parents family allowance and I feel the UK may do something too. Finally. 

GiantTCR

tightauldgit said:

Bedders72 said:

KxMx said:

I'm not sure you can expect to provide somewhere of a similar standard, living as a separate instead of combined household is more expensive, that is the reality. 

Under mediation - the properties at the time of the split should be of a similar standard. If you chose to live in a one bedroom flat then that is down to your choice but you should have the option to have a property of a similar standard. She will be living in a nice small 3 bedroom house, nicely furnished, landscaped garden and a nice area, why should I then leave and move into a 2 bedroom in a rough area etc. I am looking for a 2-3 bedroom house, will be further away as I can not afford to live that close to them but that is the sacrifice I am making. I just need to ensure that my boys want to stay at mine opposed to them reluctaing wanting to stay as it is not what they are used to. 

Bear in mind that no matter what you agree now she can always go back to CMS and ask for the full amount of child maintenance due later

True story: a friend of a friend divorced with his wife and they agreed to a voluntary payment. Then the ex-wife thought she was going to squeeze some more money out of him and got in touch with CMS. CMS assessed the situation and determined the amount the ex-husband was paying was too high and the new amount due was around half of that. So that's what the ex-wife is getting now. So yeah, going to CMS could be useful for you as you could end up paying less. Try and use the calculator. And, if you have equally shared care, you don't have to pay a dime.

Spendless

Bedders72 said:

Thanks RAS - have already explained this and I am sure they will love being with me. Wil spend most of my time out with them. Unfortunately, we now live a materialistic world with influences etc, and they have tapped into this. Which I do not agree with but if you gave them the choice between their bedroom or a sofa bed then they will pick their bedroom. I want my new house to be a home from home. 

How old are they? I'm guessing adolescent/young teen age to be influenced in thinking, rather than little kids who are oblivious or older teens who *should* understand the situation.

It's worth remembering this is only going to be for a certain period of your life.