Diary of a 30-something idiot

foxandflowers

Happy New Year friends

I had my autism assessment yesterday and I got a full house. The lady said I hit every diagnostic criteria on the DSM V. I really don't know how I feel about it. I am sad, and tired, and angry. And I suppose now I have to come to terms with technically being disabled. And she asked me some very probing questions that I hadn't considered were related to ASD and it appears I have been masking for as long as I can remember, which would be approximately age 4 when I read Milly Molly Mandy and decided my life would be better if I could be 'good' like Little Susan and tried to emulate her personality instead of my own. I'm not even sure who I am without the mask. So I guess this year will entail a lot of unpicking and figuring out while I try and learn about myself, only this time I've been given the guidebook...

@kayannie yes happy to share photos of the kitchen - although it hasn't been painted yet! let me know if you want to wait until I've painted it first, as that may be more persuasive haha.

1 diamond painting has been completed, and 1 cross stitch is underway. I have been out for a walk both nights so far this year (and got absolutely drenched in the process). Spends are at £42.82 - £9.60 on the return ticket to work today, £5 to the husband to cover a bill (not sure this should count), and £28.22 in Co-op. I don't think I can file any NSD's so far, but I am low spending. 

Off to Harry Potter tomorrow and the van has gone in for a service today - but I aim to NSD completely at least 4 days next week!

twiggy86

Sorry I'm late to the party but just wanted to say congrats on the new job! I attempted to attempt sea swimming as saw there was a local meet up - well the day I went I was the only silly fool there as the sea was too rough! (No I didn't go in on my own!) I will go again though! 

foxandflowers

Oooh @twiggy86 definitely go again - it is fabulous and very good for you. The group by me is absolutely lovely and incredibly welcoming.

Checking in to say I have made £35.40 through decluttering so far - £32.40 from Ramsdens for a ring that had lost its stone, and £3 selling a hoody on Vinted. 🥳 

dreaming

foxandflowers said:

Happy New Year friends

I had my autism assessment yesterday and I got a full house. The lady said I hit every diagnostic criteria on the DSM V. I really don't know how I feel about it. I am sad, and tired, and angry. And I suppose now I have to come to terms with technically being disabled. And she asked me some very probing questions that I hadn't considered were related to ASD and it appears I have been masking for as long as I can remember, which would be approximately age 4 when I read Milly Molly Mandy and decided my life would be better if I could be 'good' like Little Susan and tried to emulate her personality instead of my own. I'm not even sure who I am without the mask. So I guess this year will entail a lot of unpicking and figuring out while I try and learn about myself, only this time I've been given the guidebook.

I am sure you are a bit shocked to finally get a firm diagnosis, although I feel you may have suspected it for some time. My late son was diagnosed at the age of 38 after years of struggling - he was extremely intelligent and was a whizz at computer programming so had a good job but found it hard to deal with certain aspects of it such as time management, interactions with other team members, and the "social" aspect which was expected. The diagnosis helped him, me, and his managers to understand those difficulties and adapt in order to help him. He never considered himself to be disabled but "differently abled". It could help if your employers are aware of your diagnosis so that they can understand and provide help but I get that you may not feel able to be open about things just yet. I did wonder if life would have been better for my son if he had been diagnosed earlier (although autism wasn't quite so well understood in the 1970's) but he wasn't keen on being "labelled" so he said he was glad we didn't know. He was aware that he was "different" to his friends but like you he masked by copying (not always in a good way though), and I just thought of him as being very shy. I hope you find some support for yourself and wish you well in your new job.

kayannie

foxandflowers said:

Happy New Year friends

I had my autism assessment yesterday and I got a full house. The lady said I hit every diagnostic criteria on the DSM V. I really don't know how I feel about it. I am sad, and tired, and angry. And I suppose now I have to come to terms with technically being disabled. And she asked me some very probing questions that I hadn't considered were related to ASD and it appears I have been masking for as long as I can remember, which would be approximately age 4 when I read Milly Molly Mandy and decided my life would be better if I could be 'good' like Little Susan and tried to emulate her personality instead of my own. I'm not even sure who I am without the mask. So I guess this year will entail a lot of unpicking and figuring out while I try and learn about myself, only this time I've been given the guidebook...

@kayannie yes happy to share photos of the kitchen - although it hasn't been painted yet! let me know if you want to wait until I've painted it first, as that may be more persuasive haha.

1 diamond painting has been completed, and 1 cross stitch is underway. I have been out for a walk both nights so far this year (and got absolutely drenched in the process). Spends are at £42.82 - £9.60 on the return ticket to work today, £5 to the husband to cover a bill (not sure this should count), and £28.22 in Co-op. I don't think I can file any NSD's so far, but I am low spending. 

Off to Harry Potter tomorrow and the van has gone in for a service today - but I aim to NSD completely at least 4 days next week!

Oh, I've always been impatient so I'd love to see the pictures now please, but you could always send them again once you've done the painting! My (very tiny) kitchen is horrendous! We moved in a couple of years ago & inherited a kitchen that must have been put in 50 years ago. The wall tiles have bunches of carrots & onions etc on them! Needless to say, my OH can't see anything wrong with them!
Your mention of Little Susan brought back a memory. When I started school, the teacher read the Milly Molly Mandy stories to us & I thought Little FRENCH Susie sounded exotic! It wasn't until I read the story for myself that I realised she wasn't French at all but little friend Susan - I was so disappointed!
Good luck with your new job, and best wishes for 2024. 
KA

foxandflowers

@kayannie I will take better photos tomorrow when I remember in daylight! 

foxandflowers

Hi everyone.

First week of the new year is done and dusted. I have failed miserably at having no spend days - I haven't really bought anything extraneous but due to poor planning on my behalf I have had to buy pretty much daily groceries. I need to take the time to go to Lidl and do a proper weekly shop! 

Went to my sea swimming thing on Saturday and wore my wetsuit which made a huge difference. The ladies had crocheted me a headband which is so cute that I am wearing it to work. I think next time I go I shall prepare better and will bring a flask of hot chocolate and a hot water bottle for afterwards as even after a hot shower and two cups of tea my core temperature took forever to come back up to normal. It was gorgeous in the sea though; we jumped giant waves and the sun broke through the clouds to light up the water. Everyone is honestly so welcoming and kind. One lady gave me her old dry robe (I will pay her for it when I get paid) and some neoprene gloves for free, and another is giving me a dry bag and neoprene boots. It's amazing to me that I have found such a pocket of kindness in the world.

Spends so far since I am approximately halfway through my month... Almost all of my bills have bounced. I guess I will be paying double next month for some of them. Should be back on an even keel by end of March I should think. 

£242.25 groceries (this is WAY too high)
£89.04 shopping (all of which was pre 2024!!)
£80.94 bills (this is only about 10% of what it should be)
£16.55 transport

So I am not doing well. Unfortunately the van needed new brake pads and discs and an oil change and that was the better part of £650... so with that, combined with Christmas, combined with being paid on the 21st December, and not the 27th (which led to some rather naughty birthday spends and having to buy belated Christmas presents for the boys) has rather left me up a certain creek. And now all my savings are gone, so it will have to be back to being very good, through choice and because there now is no choice. 

kayannie

foxandflowers said:

@kayannie I will take better photos tomorrow when I remember in daylight! 

Thank you! You've got the kind of doors that I want (Shaker style I think?). Can't decide if I want natural wood or painted. Our kitchen is very tiny so shouldn't cost too much. My OH says he can make them - he was a carpenter  so should know what he's doing, but he hasn't said when! You are brave, going swimming in the sea. I live on the coast but haven't even had a paddle recently. 
KA

SuzeQStan

Hi Fox - apologies if I’ve missed it but when was your last SOA? Could you please post a comprehensive one?

you have so much to be proud of - the move, new job - it’s all great. But I’m concerned that hard fought for salary is just gonna get eaten up in interest charges.

We are all rooting for you on here Fox xx

slm6002

Love the kitchen - its one of the jobs on my to do list but need to save up first.  Great that you have found some new friends to swim with.  Not sure I would be brave enough to get in the sea at this time of the year.

Try to put some money aside each month for next Christmas.  That way it isn't such a shock in December