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It's been about a month since I was last here, and I have gone spectacularly off the rails financially.
Stepson has moved in and is yet to find work, although he paid me his first two weeks of rent yesterday. We have taken the house off the market. I thought about it a lot, and decided that I would lose a staggering amount of money, end up in a smaller house with less room for the kids, and generally it wasn't going to solve anything. I keep trying to run away from my problems instead of dealing with them like an adult. I keep looking for the proverbial magic wand to wave, the £10.000 radio competitions to land in my lap, the scratchcard to win. And the truth of the matter is there is nothing that is going to save my situation other than knuckling down to it, learning to budget and live within, if not below, my means, and living my life as it is.
This month I have not paid my council tax, water, either phone bill, Stepchange, the internet or the van insurance. So that should be a solid indication of just how badly things are going for me. I have no savings left. My PIP claim got denied as I do not take medication for my autism. (??) I am lodging an appeal. I have had to buy furniture for Jr Fox so that he has a proper bedroom. This has necessitated me losing my office space. I'm not working from home yet, so it's not too great a loss, but the upfront, even buying things via marketplace was a pill to swallow. The van developed a fault with the immobiliser, and we had to get it towed to the garage, where our local mechanic fixed the problem [a missing fuse!!] and didn't charge us. According to my spending tracker, which I am unbelievably STILL filling in, 58% of my budget has gone on groceries. I am in a hole. Sometimes I think there is something deeply wrong with me, that I fail consistently to learn my lesson, over and over and over and over again. I've been on this diary since November 2022, and I've made no real progress.
My retention payment is due next week, but thanks to student loans and postgrad loans, I have had over £1000 of deductions on my payslip. So I have cleared about £600 extra. This is going to go on catching up on all the missed bills. I'll be £88 over budget for the month. I'm hoping to make that via selling things lying around the house/Vinted. And then that will hopefully give me a clean slate then for the rest of July. I'm going to start coming back here daily, as it's about the only thing that kept me on track.
I'll be working the General Election too, and that money will be going straight into savings to restart my EF. I am so tired of never getting ahead. And so very tired of myself.
❀ total
debt at LBM 01/2023: £47,178.76 ❀ debt at highest point: £51,062.14❀
£1600+ made on vinted since 2023 ⚜ we could get better, because we're not dead yet - frank turner. ❧ ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh Fox you haven’t failed, you really haven’t ! You are carrying the whole household with no support that you are entitled to …. This could make a huge difference to your budget.
I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't improving for you, but you do need to realise that this is not all your fault. It's impossible for you to shoulder all of the responsibilities for the household. I think taking the house off the market was a wise decision, there are so many hidden costs with moving home as you are already aware, not to mention the mental stress. How are you getting on with the new puppy? They bring such lovel & joy into a household! KA
Hi fox. I have read your full diary over the last week and it has really made me feel for you. You are so harsh on yourself when the bottom line is the issue isn't you and spending, it is expecting one income with no top up from benefits or partner income to be enough, especially in this day. I am really glad you have taken the house off the market, and i hope the decision sits well with you and you feel ok about it as from the outside looking in it was definitely the right option. You have this inheritance which should be a positive for you and mini fox (obviously not your parents passing, but the financial start), your safety net, and it is getting eaten into by your OHs refusal to work or claim. I am trying really hard not to be negative but i am really hoping we see your LBM happen regarding this. I read about your dog and the turmoil you were in thinking about his quality of life given the new ban. Do you ever wonder about how different yours and mini fox's quality of life would be if your partner... partnered? Doesn't even have to be full time, but you really need to find your angry, and realise this isn't what mini fox should be thinking is the woman's role or rather, the male role. I was so hoping that by the end of your diary things would have been different there because with all the good will in the world, your wage isn't enough to support him and your step children. I hope my comments are received in the manner intended. You will never get mini fox's childhood back, and i worry you are going to spend all of it really stressed out because of this situation which you are trying so hard to get out of, while the only real way to get out of it is... well you know what. And then into retirement you are going to still be supporting everybody else, it isn't sustainable.
You are really harsh on yourself, so i just wanted to serve a reminder to you that you are making a home for your child and step children, you are working hard, you are taking on all the mental load of the family, i would love to see you being more kind to yourself, as i really don't think you realise how amazing you are actually doing given the circumstances. I do understand why you are reluctant to 'put your foot down' with OH, or rather i believe i do, but one day you will need to, because mini fox's future is going to be impacted. You talk of the amazing help your mother gave you through uni etc, and if OH worked to help support, mini fox could have that too. The only real change which would help the situation is to get firm and stop being taken advantage of, because you are. I do realise this is easier said than done, but it needs to happen.
I hope you don't mind me following along with you. Please don't blame yourself. I hope you find an hour to relax, go have a bath, read a book, take a walk etc and reflect on all your positive steps. You are working full time, taking care of a household, picking up extra work, all to keep your family afloat single handed. You are amazing!
Positive things I've done today: Set up an account with Chase that will be used to get groceries/fuel and nothing else. This way my bills will still come from Monzo and hopefully I won't be tempted to borrow from Peter to pay Paul. If I make money selling things etc that will go into a Chase savings account, out of the way where I can't see it. Set up my wage to autopay into various pots - bills being the main one, but also puppy, mini fox, dental & vision, vehicle maintenance etc. Then hidden all these pots from view, so again trying to trick myself that savings aren't real money and don't count. Once all the basics are paid, I should have £130 left a month. I never do, but I'm hoping to change that.
Negative things I've done today: Zero actual work at my actual job, too much time daydreaming about a bottle of wine and the next installment of Ken Follett's Kingsbridge series.
I need to demolish a shed this weekend, so a tip run is in the future. And hopefully there will be things in the shed I can sell. The dog is a brilliant asset to the house, if not bloody expensive. He is costing us about £200 a month including insurance and the vetplan for his monthly flea/worm treatments. He's so mischevious and loves a cuddle. See puppy tax below.
❀ total
debt at LBM 01/2023: £47,178.76 ❀ debt at highest point: £51,062.14❀
£1600+ made on vinted since 2023 ⚜ we could get better, because we're not dead yet - frank turner. ❧ ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome back i would be tempted to let the 2 men in the house deal with dismantling a shed while you do something else…… you will get there - admittedly it seems like you are taking the scenic route, but you will get there 😂
Your last post sounds positive - I think you need to keep posting on here, it does help to share your thoughts with others. Your puppy is adorable - is he an English bull terrier? KA
@Debsnewbudget This scenic route involves a lot of doubling back on oneself, and pit stops for books/wine/decorating supplies. But it's probably a bit more fun than marching along the straight Roman road. Or at least, that's what I'm telling myself so I don't 'drive' myself round the twist 😉
@kayannie Yes he is, his name is Ronnie. He's KC registered and my absolute favourite thing. Although less of my favourite thing when he has tummy problems inside the house. 🤨
❀ total
debt at LBM 01/2023: £47,178.76 ❀ debt at highest point: £51,062.14❀
£1600+ made on vinted since 2023 ⚜ we could get better, because we're not dead yet - frank turner. ❧ ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I hope you dont mind me commenting. Ive also read some of your diary. Have you thought about acccessing help from professionals again now about your situation.It feels like you have been made to feel resigned to it, that its all your responsibility and you have to soldier on. Your only responsibility is towards yourself and your little one.You can access support in order to end the relationship with him.
If your relationship with this man was an equation on a spreadsheet, It would never balance.
You minus him and his responsibilities = financial stability, happiness, good times ahead.
You plus him and his responsibilities = financial instability, sadness, going round in circles.
Have you ever heard of the Freedom Program?
Its time for him to go
x
Current debt approximately 5000 Goal- Zero debt by mid 2025 Savings in 2026- an emergency fund of 5000