Buying causing stress & options?

[Deleted User]

Sorry to hear you are in such a difficult position. I think the anxiety is caused by you trying your very hardest to accommodate and it still being out of your control. I completely empathise. Hopefully the suggestions above will work out for you, or you can sign before 20th November.

I understand from experience why they say buying a house is one of the most stressful experiencs you can go through. As a FTB, I have now had two house purchases fall through due to circumstances outwith my control. I am now in the position I do not want to buy anytime soon because the stress it caused was so great.

I highly doubt that consulting your doctor would have any implications for your mortgage offer. Look after yourself.

MovingForwards

I was buying during the start of the pandemic and my solicitor drew up a power of attorney so he could sign everything on my behalf. Purchase went through fine.

Troy_af

Power of attorney like others have mentioned. Have you explained your situation to your solicitor because if so they definitely should have advised this.

I’m in the process of getting one set up myself. I am in a very similar work role to you. I work away for up to 6 month, however I get no communication whatsoever. No phone, no email, no internet, so believe me it could be a lot worse!

The power of attorney covers pretty much everything, so there is nothing to stress about. The attorney can sign contracts, set up a mortgage, sell and but property on your behalf , along with full access to bank account etc. Again, why hasn’t your solicitor mentioned this? It’s actually quite a simple solution.

NameUnavailable

You don't need to be 'here' to complete. The solicitors will take care of that and you can get someone to collect the keys from the EA. You seem to be worrying about nothing really, chill!

UnderOffer

Like others have said, you don’t need to be present at exchange or completion. You sign everything in advance, (we did this 4 months before moving in) undated, then solicitor will contact you by phone to ask if you wish to exchange and agree a completion date. You give this verbally and will receive a call on the day of completion to confirm the transaction has completed. The Estate Agent will hold the keys for you until you can collect or make arrangements for someone else to collect. 

pinkteapot

Just to say, good luck with both the promotion (even if temporary and unwanted) and the house purchase!

I'm prone to anxiety too and know the house buying/selling process can really trigger it as so much is out of your control, and you've got a tricky (logistics wise) work situation making it harder. 

Great advice here, and hope the power of attorney or delay on return-to-sea work for the signatures side of things. And as others have said, absolutely no need to be here for exchange and completion.

Do you have someone who could pick up the keys and read the meters on completion day? That's all that HAS* to be done on the day (if mid-winter, probably also check the boiler has a frost setting or heating is on low a couple of hours a day - look up advice for unoccupied houses in winter). 

* Even if it were some days later, it could be worked around even though not ideal. 

ManekiNeko

I think the practicalities have been well covered so just to chime in on a mental health front.

I have multiple, complex, long-standing mental health conditions that affect my life to the point I'm signed off on long-term sick leave and have been for 2-3 years now. Buying my first home this year was stressful, and became excruciating after my vendor left instructions with the estate agent that if I hadn't exchanged by a certain date (just a few weeks in the future, albeit after the process had dragged on a bit), to refuse to sell the apartment to me and look for other buyers. This was not helped by my mortgage lender suddenly deciding they wanted a last minute second valuation that meant they breached the deadline, after I'd moved heaven and earth for weeks to get everything in place in time.

Since I'd been living in domestic abuse refuges and other temporary accommodation for the past couple of years, I had every hope pinned on that apartment. Temporary accommodation means you never know when you'll be moved on (at often less than 24 hours notice), so it leaves you completely unable to plan your life, and especially healthcare as everything starts from scratch. I was pretty sick of being homeless by that time, to say the least, and for various reasons had had to move 7 times in two years. If you're curious for some detail, I address the experience in the first few posts of my MFW diary. Otherwise, I say all this to try and give you some insight into why this mattered so much. I felt that my life depended on that purchase going through.

I saw my doctor a good many times during the period, and we did of course talk about the stress the purchase was causing me. My doctor never once suggested stopping the purchase - in fact, she was understanding when I told her why I so desperately needed a home. Even more recently (having completed a few months ago), I discovered that my gas and water pipes aren't earthed, and told my doctor about this actually. I said I'd rather take a controllable, solvable risk that I could one day be blown across the room if I touched a radiator (which could happen if say a rat chewed through a live cable under my floor and it flicked across to touch a water pipe), than all the uncontrollable risks and traumas of living in temporary accommodation, simply because I can take measures to solve the former, but can't with the latter. My GP totally understood that, and also my reasoning for buying now (which is hard financially) because it'll benefit me financially in the long run, vs. continuing to rent, which would leave me with much more disposable income but no way to build up equity or savings (which are capped if you're receiving benefits, which I am because of my health).

Now, when I moved to the area, I saw several GPs at my surgery before settling on seeing this one in particular, because she struck me as empathetic, understanding and someone who took her patients seriously. I would strongly encourage you to do the same before settling on one you might like to see regularly about your mental health. But I hope you can take some faith from my experiences that a good doctor can and will understand and empathise with your experience. They are after all pretty smart people, and most healthcare professionals wouldn't expect you to live your life in a zero stress way (after all, even a job interview is stressful). Mine even had extra insight as she bought her own house as a FTB last year.

All this to say, seeing a GP will have no effect on your mortgage. Never mind the GP, I had to have a crisis mental health assessment and then see the Home Treatment Team (mental health professionals who come to your home each day to see you) on a daily basis for nearly a month from just before until several weeks after completion. My bank had no idea of this, and it had exactly zero effect on my mortgage. Banks are not all-powerful, and they can't see your medical records, which are confidential for good reason - unless you sign a release form giving access to someone for a special reason, like maybe a court case. You can have confidence to go and get the care you need.

Good luck to you 🍀 I know it can be hard talking about mental health stuff at the doctor's. Sometimes it helps to write down what you want to say, so that if it's too overwhelming you can pass the paper over to your doctor. I hope you'll update with how you get on.

theartfullodger

IIRC the classic four worst stress events are change of partner, change of home, death of close relative, change of job.