School birthday parties - what's the 101?

Skiddaw1

Savvy_Sue said:

Skiddaw1 said:

Good grief!! Sorry for interrupting the thread (we have no kids/grandchildren so I'm really not qualified to comment) but I had no idea children's parties had become such a fraught area! I do struggle a bit with schools having an 'invite all' policy. I honestly don't remember being bent out of shape when I was little because I wasn't invited to every party. We just accepted that you were invited to the parties of your particular friends (and vice versa). Isn't that an important lesson about friendship/social interraction/growing up? Sorry if I'm coming over all 'shoe box in t' middle of t' road' but....

I think the 'must invite all' policy is as jackieblack says: 

jackieblack said:

Schools cannot dictate who you invite to your child’s birthday party, however they may have a rule, if you are expecting them to distribute invitations for you, to only do it if every child is invited as it can cause all sorts of arguments and upset (and schools are not there to organise your child’s out-of-school social arrangements or referee the arguments they cause)

And you can't really blame schools for making such a 'rule'. If you don't want to invite the whole class, you identify the parents / carers of those you DO want to invite and approach them in the playground. 

 

Now that I can understand. I suppose that as has been said, in my day there certainly wasn't any expectation that the school would distribute party invites. Nor would there have been any expectation of party guests giving money. You'd have taken a wee present (very wee- a kalidoscope or a power ball or a bag of marbles or similar). I'm clearly way out of the loop....

ZaSa1418

I think in reception especially this early into the school year many children haven't got their 'main' friends yet so it is not surprising all the children in the class are invited. 
Definitely reply no matter what the decision.

ROGGER

I suggest waiting until your son is a little older, and then letting him decide 

ComicGeek

Our son is 7 - we made an effort initially to go to every party. Most he hated and ended in tears. So generally decline all now but a select few.

Definitely declined the indoor activity party last night that started at 8pm (and finishing at 10pm!) - our 7 yr old is asleep by that time! Late Friday night at the end of a tiring school term, what could possibly go wrong??! Then it's the 6pm on a Sunday party so they start the school week tired and grumpy, brilliant idea!

Don't be afraid to do what's best for your child - some really enjoy the parties, others like ours absolutely hate them. The kids don't care at that age who goes.

Mrsn

A little late here OP but I’m a TA in a foundation stage class. We are a fairly big school but don’t have a “you must invite all” policy. There may be a chance that if the invitation has been put in the book bag then the teacher or TA has put it in there purposely because the whole class hasn’t been invited. We would only allow the children to hand them out if there was an invite for all and to be honest in our area (quiet deprived in parts) that doesn’t happen. 

We have parents approach us explaining that there is only a few children they would like to invite but are embarrassed they can’t invite more. We are more than happy to discreetly sort out those invitations so that other don’t see or get upset. It really is a minefield at times.

i know you have now said that you will respond which I’m really pleased to hear as others have said there’s nothing worse than not knowing and then seeing unexpected guests turning up or catering for extras and then them not showing.

ChilliBob

It's quite mad, since this post there have been another three invites, either via the book bag or the class WhatsApp - so you know it's everyone, or even both forms in reception (gulp, 60 kids!).

We've replied one way or another to all of them now, and unfortunately cancelled some family plans to do so! (as some were good friends in theory, from his nursery too).

Thanks to all who have replied.  

pickledonionspaceraider

What fresh hell is this?
Parents feeling embarrassed because they cannot (or do not want to) invite a group of 60 children?

I would leave the whatsapp group and teach my kid to march to the beat of their own drum and not bow to peer pressure and not be forced into social situations not of their choosing

I would reply to the invites though

Sea_Shell

Wow, how things have changed.

If I'd have said "Mum can I have a birthday party?...but I have to invite the whole class", I know what the answer would've been!! 😜


I seem to remember this culture of inclusivity was creeping into the workplace too.   Must invite the whole team, so as to not be accused of bullying by exclusion.   

🤦🏼‍♀️

leilasmummy

For gifts I suggest giving a cake or biscuit mix with a wooden spoon (Asda sell these cheaply) 
Fun for kids to do with their parents and parents have always appreciated it rather than another toy. 

Around  Christmas they do the decorate a Christmas biscuit which comes with icing pens - found in the fresh bakery aisles. For allergies there are gluten free etc kits in the free from aisles 

ChilliBob

leilasmummy said:

For gifts I suggest giving a cake or biscuit mix with a wooden spoon (Asda sell these cheaply) 
Fun for kids to do with their parents and parents have always appreciated it rather than another toy. 

Around  Christmas they do the decorate a Christmas biscuit which comes with icing pens - found in the fresh bakery aisles. For allergies there are gluten free etc kits in the free from aisles 

Cheers, that's a nice idea. I'm a bit of a hippy sometimes, the paint your own build your own bird house my folks got for my son was nice. Clearly not everyone's cuppa when loads of people have artificial grass and what not these days!