School birthday parties - what's the 101?

Coffeekup

My friend was saying a few months ago his daughter for the last couple of year's has had nothing but parties she goes to. Now I don't know if she goes to them all or what the procedure is for accepting/declining offer's.

But what he did say when his daughter had a birthday party she is inundated with gifts, most of which she is not interested in or what he considers tat. So what they did this year for her birthday party was to say, no gifts please if you want to gift donate the money to the school classroom for supplies/toy's/playthings... He said they raised £180 for the school classroom.. a couple of parties since that she has been invited to since have done the same.

rach_k

You should reply whether you're going or not, because it's fairly common (unfortunately) for people not to respond but then turn up, so the hosts won't know whether you are one of those rude people, or simply not attending.  Even if not going, I would say thanks for the invitation, that we can't attend but that we wished the child a happy birthday.  

I usually asked my kids whether they wanted to go.  Where the whole class was invited but mine weren't particularly friends with the birthday child, we often didn't.  I do think it's worth asking your child whether they think lots of people will go.  If not, I encouraged mine to go.  There are few things sadder than a 5 year old waiting for party guests that never arrive (but when you do go, I think those parties can be the best ones!).

Gift wise, I either tried to give something where it doesn't matter if you get duplicates e.g. Lego, art/craft stuff, playdough, or cash.  For the younger children, I think it's quite nice to give £5 for a 5 year old, £6 for a 6 year old etc.  I wouldn't give more than a tenner unless it's a close friend.  

Skiddaw1

Good grief!! Sorry for interrupting the thread (we have no kids/grandchildren so I'm really not qualified to comment) but I had no idea children's parties had become such a fraught area! I do struggle a bit with schools having an 'invite all' policy. I honestly don't remember being bent out of shape when I was little because I wasn't invited to every party. We just accepted that you were invited to the parties of your particular friends (and vice versa). Isn't that an important lesson about friendship/social interraction/growing up? Sorry if I'm coming over all 'shoe box in t' middle of t' road' but....

ChilliBob

rach_k said:

You should reply whether you're going or not, because it's fairly common (unfortunately) for people not to respond but then turn up, so the hosts won't know whether you are one of those rude people, or simply not attending.  Even if not going, I would say thanks for the invitation, that we can't attend but that we wished the child a happy birthday.  

I usually asked my kids whether they wanted to go.  Where the whole class was invited but mine weren't particularly friends with the birthday child, we often didn't.  I do think it's worth asking your child whether they think lots of people will go.  If not, I encouraged mine to go.  There are few things sadder than a 5 year old waiting for party guests that never arrive (but when you do go, I think those parties can be the best ones!).

Gift wise, I either tried to give something where it doesn't matter if you get duplicates e.g. Lego, art/craft stuff, playdough, or cash.  For the younger children, I think it's quite nice to give £5 for a 5 year old, £6 for a 6 year old etc.  I wouldn't give more than a tenner unless it's a close friend.  

Well i have replied now and I'm glad I asked - another has come our way today!

There's no way we'd just rock up having declined or ignored the invite. Having got married nearly a year ago I remember the agro of the eleventh hour messing about with guests lists and table plans etc!

The thinking whether others will go is something I remember now you mention it. I happened to be mates with a couple of children who wernt very popular so I made sure I could go and encouraged a couple of others to do so. As you say, these were often the best parties as smaller groups of better friends and less pressure.

ChilliBob

Skiddaw1 said:

Good grief!! Sorry for interrupting the thread (we have no kids/grandchildren so I'm really not qualified to comment) but I had no idea children's parties had become such a fraught area! I do struggle a bit with schools having an 'invite all' policy. I honestly don't remember being bent out of shape when I was little because I wasn't invited to every party. We just accepted that you were invited to the parties of your particular friends (and vice versa). Isn't that an important lesson about friendship/social interraction/growing up? Sorry if I'm coming over all 'shoe box in t' middle of t' road' but....

Quite yeah, I think they're wrapping them up a bit for reception but I suspect the whole cliques and sfuff will form next year. Heck, the parents seem to have already, it's a bit like being back at school, or in the Inbetweeners but a bit less funny lol

Savvy_Sue

Skiddaw1 said:

Good grief!! Sorry for interrupting the thread (we have no kids/grandchildren so I'm really not qualified to comment) but I had no idea children's parties had become such a fraught area! I do struggle a bit with schools having an 'invite all' policy. I honestly don't remember being bent out of shape when I was little because I wasn't invited to every party. We just accepted that you were invited to the parties of your particular friends (and vice versa). Isn't that an important lesson about friendship/social interraction/growing up? Sorry if I'm coming over all 'shoe box in t' middle of t' road' but....

I think the 'must invite all' policy is as jackieblack says: 

jackieblack said:

Schools cannot dictate who you invite to your child’s birthday party, however they may have a rule, if you are expecting them to distribute invitations for you, to only do it if every child is invited as it can cause all sorts of arguments and upset (and schools are not there to organise your child’s out-of-school social arrangements or referee the arguments they cause)

And you can't really blame schools for making such a 'rule'. If you don't want to invite the whole class, you identify the parents / carers of those you DO want to invite and approach them in the playground. 

 

NBLondon

What Skiddaw1 said...  When I were a lad - you invited your mates (to a maximum number set by Mum) and they invited you.   
And the idea of getting the school to distribute the invites never came into it....

Drawingaline

Always reply. I remember one of my children's 4th birthday party (so preschool rather than school age) I invited 5 children from preschool. One declined, one accepted, the rest didn't bother. So he had one person at his party. Luckily we have a largish family and I had invited a couple of friends with children a bit older so it was OK. But I was a bit annoyed and had a lot of cake to eat up.

I did the invite everyone from the class, hire a hall and bouncy castle and for my older two in year R, but scaled right back for my younger two. It gets expensive.

gilly1964

Our grandson just had his party, he is in nursery at the school he will be going to.

The whole class of 36 children were invited, about 22 turned up.  His was the first birthday in the class, so no friendships had been formed and no previous experience to gauge the situation so easier to invite everyone.  

The main thing to consider was dietary requirements, we had to cater for dairy free, gluten free, vegetarian and Halal.  Thankfully there were no allergies in the mix but it was still a bit of a minefield.  

Party bags were something else to consider.  Mum bought a job lot of books from The Works and let the guests choose, added some little sweets and a piece of birthday cake.

Pass the parcel and musical bumps, with an indoor bouncy castle in a local community centre.  We had two parcels going round the circle or it would have taken forever.

Also remember at this age, the expectation is the parent stays so if catering make sure to include the adults too at least drinks wise.

ChilliBob

Oh we're not throwing a party, our sons will actually be in year one but all good points to mention. I think we will certainly avoid soft play that's for sure!

Pool parties were all the rage when I was younger, but I think in the juniors not infants!

Yeah I'll bet the allergies are a pain, our school is nut free, and my mum is a Coeliac. Went through all this jazz with our wedding too, some stuff was people just being plain fussy though!